I was thinking about the internet today, you guys.

What an amazing collection of knowledge we have in front of us. Volumes and volumes of anything any person would ever want to learn in his or her lifetime. And what do we do? We search for our own names in search engines. We find our own locations on those GPS machines. And we stalk our friends on Facebook, especially the hot sexy people that are friends with our wives. Don’t act like you don’t do that either. The Great Masturbator In The Sky will know if you’re being truthful. Because he jacks it to your lies.

Anyway, let’s get to the mailbag. Caveman’s on vacation, which is kinda funny when you think about a caveman trying to get away from it all:
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Hey everybody! I’m back from vaKSKation the only way you should ever be back on the job after a week off: half-heartedly, with minimal effort and maximal foot-dragging. You won’t find any extra photos or long-winded asides from me today, but I promise you this: what follows is definitely a mailbag. You cannot deny that.

Anyway, we have several different issues this week, but a couple folks below have problems that stem from being roommates with their siblings. Dude, just… no. I think my sister’s one of the coolest people on the planet, but that doesn’t mean I want to live under the same roof with her. Siblings should only live together if they’re (a) 18 or younger and (b) in their parents’ house. The one exception: twins who go to the same college. There are literally BILLIONS of other people in the world. Go meet some of them and offer them your extra room before turning to your brother or sister.

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Whew, sorry about the lateness of the mailbag, as usual. Strap in, everybody. It’s a long haul to get to the end of this week’s mailbag. On today’s docket: Michael Vick, smack talk, group sex, harlots, the 37th iteration of my standard dating tips, Joey Porter, and more. Enjoy.

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A strange thing happened this week: one of the people who wrote in to the mailbag and rescinded their question out of deference to friendships and feelings and blah blah blah. So, it is on a completely unrelated note that I recommend AGAINST falling in love with a married woman, particularly if her husband is a soldier in Afghanistan. As if adultery wasn’t already a terrible idea, you REALLY don’t want the cuckhold to be a veteran with PTSD and access to firearms.

Just sayin’.

Anyway, enjoy this week’s mailbag. Try to guess which person I’m talking about in the headline.

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Aw, crap. Mailbag’s late again this week. Sorry about that. Let’s get right to it:

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First of all, a huge thanks to PUNTE for tackling last week’s mailbag. I think it’s important for us to change things up every now and again — both at KSK and in life — and should I ever succumb to a tragic death by blood clot because I spend too much time sitting down at my computer, you all would be lucky to have PUNTE wax on about bestiality every week.

Let’s get to your questions.

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I always write the introduction to the mailbag last. Sometimes it’s good, because it allows me to introduce some of the overarching themes of the week in a meaningful way. Sometimes it’s bad, because I spend all day juggling sex questions and TV news and then I’m too tired to write anything besides, “Here are the questions!”

Today, I offer an apology. Four of the five submissions today seemed specifically crafted to push my buttons, and I kinda lost my patience and snapped a little bit. So, to the people who were so kind as to write in with problems they genuinely sought advice for: I’m sorry. I can get a little mean sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, baby. Come back next week and I’ll make it all better. I promise to be nicer in the future. *drinks whiskey*

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I’d like to thank the readership this week for submitting almost no emails whatsoever, as I was really tired and unable to write about anything too heavy after the last couple weeks, which were all traumatic and filled with rape and murder. So consider this a a nice little back-off week — like an easy yoga class after a bunch of punishing workouts. Hey! Speaking of yoga…

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Draft day mailbag! Let’s get right into it.

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Before we begin today, I’d like to respond to some criticism from last week’s mailbag.

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