“Revenge of the Dawgs” is a sci-fi revenge flick set in an alternate reality where the world is a hellish dystopia. Wait a sec… upon closer inspection that’s turn-of-the-millennium Cleveland. Honest mistake. Actually, for something found on YouTube, this video isn’t half bad– sort of “Any Given Sunday” meets “Death Wish” meets “Omega Man”.

It’s fun to see the Fauxdell get his comeuppance. My only cavil: would it have been too much trouble to have the Dogfather say: “Right about now you are about to be possessed by the sounds of Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock”?

Fast-forward ten years– Cleveland has their Browns back, so you would think all would be right their fans. You would be wrong…
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Mocking awkward white people dance may be the lowest of the low hanging fruit, but I just can’t help myself.

Here we have some Ravens fans taking advantage of the Tennessee nightlife last weekend. I’ve always found the idea of grown folks wearing jerseys to be endearingly dopey. My OCD being what it is, I inevitably find myself checking the numbers to see which players are overrepresented and the most obscure jersey in the group. Along those lines I was able to Jersey watch: Derrick Mason, Two Ed Reeds, Joe Flacco (wisely trying to stay out of frame), Bart Scott (dedicated to Clare, who asked for fat & ugly), Ray Lewis and I think I even see Ray Rice bopping around in the back at one point.

Since they made the long trip to Nashvegas, one has to assume that these fans are some of the more hardcore Ravens followers plodding around the dance floor like some sort of Cretaceous period mating ritual. And while that may not speak particularly well of Ravens fans, I would rather be in the bar with those guys than in your run of the mill Steelers’ bars. I hear it’s shank or be shanked around those creeps.

[ complete video from Nasty Nestor @ WNST ]

YOUR JEFF GEORGE MEMORIAL LEAST OF THE WEEK is pretty fucking obvious. Jake Delhomme put on a truly Favreian performance in primetime on Saturday night, one that will surely haunt him for years to come. Or until he hangs himself. Of course then he’d turn into a ghost, what with all of his unfinished sucking left left on accomplish on Earth. I assume he’d be charged with the task of haunting Bank of America Stadium by tossing footballs at unsuspecting members of the opposing team and leaving crawdad shells all over the locker room. What I wonder is whether a ghost can be haunted while simultaneously haunting others? But all of this takes away from the thesis of this post, that Jake Delhomme is a complete fucking trainwreck of a quarterback. And that’s why Mr. 6 turnovers is your Least of the week.

Huh, this post certainly took a strange turn. Maybe that’s because I had another post ready to go based off of Black Sports Online’s excellent highlight reel of Delhomme’s suck set to Beck’s Loser (hence the headline) only to see it removed from YouTube by some fucktasting lawyer. Fuck Beck with Delhomme’s dick.

UPDATE: The video lives on in BuzzCuts form! It’s also back up at Black Sports Online.

Yep, Jim Zorn was in rare form after the Redskins win over the Lions yesterday afternoon, especially when he misunderstood an a question from Ryan O’Halloran of the Washington Times.

Take that shit back to your conservative bosses and ask them how it feels to suffer from the wrath of the Zorn! Continue after the jump for the rest of the untelevised exchange

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… because he doesn’t look this good in plaid double-knit polyester trousers. Men want to be him, ladies want to do him. AWWW YEAH!!!

So far this season I’ve remained true to my word to not return to FedEx Field until I am left with no other choice, and so far all I’ve missed out on is shitty alcohol, poorly grilled meat, a crowd filled with social assholes who’d rather yuk it up than agonize over the actual game, and the occasional dumb bitch trying to execute a running leg drop on an elevated table (sans opponent). Fortunately somebody taped the last one so I could relive it from my couch, where I’m also able to watch every minute of the game and post-game in high def surrounded by excellent alcohol and perfectly cooked meats delivered to my door. And all without driving to Landover and sitting in a parking lot for two hours next to these retards.

video via BC

That’s just stunningly poor execution right there. Hell, even if you achieve the desired outcome you’re still landing ass first on the blacktop with a six-inch shard of particle board lodged in your downstairs. No, these ladies simply don’t understand the fundamentals of a proper table match. Continue after the jump for a quick historical lesson on the art of hurling oneself through a piece of portable furniture.

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Apparently Terrell Owens is so narcissistic that he cannot enjoy being a crucial part of a much-closer-than-expected victory over the visiting Bengals. Owens was spotted late in the game conspicuously gesturing “two” as in the number of receptions he had for the entire game. But the bitch-and-moan didn’t stop there. Check out his bizarre post game comments….

“I’m not going to answer too many questions. And by that I mean none.”

After complaining last week when “only” a third of Dallas’ offense went through him in their loss to the Redskins, Owens engaged in a cryptic quasi-religious soliloquy before slinking sulkily off the stage. “God has chosen me to be the vessel of his glory. I’m so depressed. Where are those sleeping pills? God made me wear a yellow gingham shirt with fruity epaulets.”

I didn’t watch much of the ESPN News talking heads take on Owens comments, but I did hear Jeremy Green say that T.O. “said the right things.” Jeremy Green, I don’t know you and I can’t recall that I’ve ever even heard of you before now, but here’s a little gratis career advice in case the whole broadcasting thing doesn’t work out: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF PUBLIC RELATIONS!!!

A couple weeks back we took you inside a Patriots tailgate. (Just in the nick of time too, from what we understand Pats fans have decided football season is officially over. Go Sawx!) Today, we take a look at what is apparently a tradition at Bills’ tailgates: mustard and ketchup showers off the back of an Econoline van.

0:10 Why do I get the feeling that one or more of those people lives in that van?

0:25 A disgusting act. Joe Buck’s panties are now in a wad.

0:51 Meth-addled skank taunts Raider fans. Skank-in-training reluctantly helps.

1:03 “I can see you’re not a golfer.”

1:16 ‘Peter puffer’? Really??? That’s all you got? If this tailgate was in Oakland someone would be swinging around a cinderblock on the end of a tow chain and you guys are doling out some insults that wouldn’t get a rise out of a third-grader.

1:26 I was going to make a joke at the expense of big girl in the orange shirt, but then I realized he’s probably one of the Buffalo Jills.

2:17 This must be Teddy Kenny. Based on the chant, I surmise that he is a big fan of the ketchup.

2:55 MONEY SHOT!!!

3:33 Now that I think about it, this should happen to anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.

If any Bills fans care to shed some light on this curious pregame ritual, we’d like to hear it.

If an angry photographer ever puts Stevie Williams in a coma Tiger can get one of those guys to carry his bag for a while. In the meantime they’ll be waiting for Jeff Pearlman’s new book to come out on tape.

Video via Orland Kurtenblog

So long as it doesn’t give out.

Or you can do it right.

And you don’t spawn this.

And, uh, DeSean is a tard.