You mean to tell me people can make fake profiles of other people? So that comment I have from Jayson Blair on my Wall may not actually be from him? Man, I was hoping that really cheesed off everyone at my newspaper job.

We were sure we were the witless victims of yet another garden-variety Intarwebs hoax.

That is, until we read this:

“‘construda?’ — ‘I don’t know what that is,’ Maroney said”

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Sorry, Koolaid. You slipped up on that one. Really had us going there. Some of the concessions we’re willing to accept, but construda and begul shitting are just too genius for some lowly internet prankster to have pulled from the ether.

We can easily guess your motivations behind this shoddy denial to a crappy daily with a circ of about 28 birdcages in the Boston area: Chairman Belichick doesn’t brook human emotions and, even more likely, some opponent probably gave you a hard time about the idiotic homosexual speculation that sprang forth from one photo.

We’d hate for you to become another unlikable Patriots player (read: any other Patriots player) so we’re standing firm in our position that this dubious denial was brought under duress. Perhaps Bob Kraft was threatening to cut off your Kool-Aid supply. Whatever. We need this.

[NOTE: Dave Brown, a writer for The Standard-Times, which tipped us to their article, took exception to my description of the paper as a "crappy daily with a circ of about 28 birdcages in the Boston area." It's true: I'm a dickhole and that was a needless cheap shot at some people who were trying to help us. So I'm asking you, dear readers, to subscribe to The Standard-Times [actual circulation: more than 28!] before Dave Brown has someone from the Poynter Institute come and break my thumbs.]

Frankly, we think our readers in New England are slacking on this one. Surely one of you underemployed slackers has had the opportunity to ask Maroney about construda. Koolaid has probably been asked about his increased role after the retirement of Corey Dillon a thousand freaking times already. Enough already. Someone ask something we actually want to know. If Ryan or Shaughnessy are reading this remember, one of you old bastards could land a Pulitzer over this.

In the meantime, Urban Dictionary has some suggestions, including our own, but none seem truly authoritative. Alas, the search continues.

I know what you’re asking. and the answer is yes. That IS a matching Koolaid bracelet. Bad. Ass.

I love this man. I really do. If you don’t love Koolaid Maroney, you molest puppies.

Life at the University of Minnesota, rooting for the shithole that is the Gopher football program, is tough. We need to latch on to any success we may have. Enter: Laurence Koolaid Maroney.

Koolaid=American Hero. The pictures posted win the day, however. Attached are a few of the better ones; Gopher pride, muthafuckas!

The bar just been raised.