David Akers:

[To camera] Hi, I’m David! I’m looking to sell an authentic Ponzi scheme that soaked me for millions!

Rick: Hey there.

David Akers: Hey.

Rick: What’ve we got today?

David Akers: It’s an authentic Ponzi scheme, not to mention one that suckered notable veteran NFL kicker David Akers.

Rick: Interesting. You want to pawn it or sell it?

David Akers: Does anyone ever try to pawn anything on this show?

Rick: Maybe once.

David Akers: I would like to sell.

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Those dastardly heavy-breathing sneakabouts in Indianapolis are at it again! First, they steal the Colts from Baltimore. Now, because of an injury to Adam Nougatieri (injuries don’t make chompions, Adam) they have signed Greatest Raven Ever Matt Stover. Is there nothing they won’t take from Baltimore? I mean, other than black people. Those Indy can do without.