Kissing Suzy Kolber » kellen winslow

Unsilent Majority — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:04:10 +0000

Soldier of Fortune Kellen Winslow Jr. must have really impressed the Bucs brass during his tour of the facilities because Glazer and company have already rewarded their new tight end with a record-setting contract. The six year deal is worth $36.1 million with an impressive sum of 20.1 million in guaranteed cash. That should be more than enough capital to get his odd couple pilot in the can. [NFL]

Christmas Ape — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:57:29 +0000

I’M A FUCKING PIRATE! Kellen Winslow shipped to the Tampa theater of the great NFL war concern in exchange for munitions and draft picks. Who else could replace Jerramy Stevens?

The Browns are wallowing in their own vile filth.

flubby — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 17:17:09 +0000

That staph infection has been around Cleveland so long that its kid just got accepted into Case Western.

Kellen Winslow returned to the Browns after a recent hospitalization that generated more than a little speculation. Turns out Winslow was the latest member of the Cleveland Browns to contract a staph infection. Hasn’t this problem has been going on in Cleveland for years? How antiquated is the sanitation up there? Can we get Bono to organize a telethon for these poor Third World bastards?

Winslow is not only pissed that he has contracted staph for the second time with the Browns, but he’s in a snit over the lack of bed-side fretting from GM Phil Savage. The battle-toughened veteran’s steely exterior was no match for the hard-hearted executive. Winslow said he felt like a piece of meat and considered asking for a trade after Savage didn’t check in him while he was in the Cleveland Clinic.

A trade? To one of the many teams clamoring for an under-performing prima donna? With a virulent infection too? I hope Savage intalled a couple dozen extra dedicated phone lines for the volume of calls which are soon to be rolling in.

Next time, Phil, the price of a Pick-Me-Up,TM bouquet will prevent this drama. And get some fucking bleach in that that shithole you call a football complex.

[ via Larry Brown Sports ]

Where the F*ck Is Waldo Winslow?

Unsilent Majority — Thu, 22 May 2008 20:50:15 +0000

The Cleveland Browns have been wondering exactly where the fuck their Pro Bowl tight end has been hiding out this offseason. Fortunately, our intrepid field reporters managed to capture a snapshot that shows our missing protagonist in action. Can you pick out the real Kellen from all of the impostors?

Hint: He’s one of the fucking soldiers.

Not to worry Browns, Drew Rosenhaus is on the case!

Yeah assholes, why should he have to pick up the (SPRINT MOBILE!) phone and tell his coach where he’s at? For soldiers like Winslow, leaking such information could put his entire unit in danger.

Photoshop by Ape

Video via ~~FanHaus~~ FanHouse

Waldo image via JTrue