Soldier of Fortune Kellen Winslow Jr. must have really impressed the Bucs brass during his tour of the facilities because Glazer and company have already rewarded their new tight end with a record-setting contract. The six year deal is worth $36.1 million with an impressive sum of 20.1 million in guaranteed cash. That should be more than enough capital to get his odd couple pilot in the can. [NFL]

I’M A FUCKING PIRATE! Kellen Winslow shipped to the Tampa theater of the great NFL war concern in exchange for munitions and draft picks. Who else could replace Jerramy Stevens?

Kellen Winslow returned to the Browns after a recent hospitalization that generated more than a little speculation. Turns out Winslow was the latest member of the Cleveland Browns to contract a staph infection. Hasn’t this problem has been going on in Cleveland for years? How antiquated is the sanitation up there? Can we get Bono to organize a telethon for these poor Third World bastards?
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The Cleveland Browns have been wondering exactly where the fuck their Pro Bowl tight end has been hiding out this offseason. Fortunately, our intrepid field reporters managed to capture a snapshot that shows our missing protagonist in action. Can you pick out the real Kellen from all of the impostors?

Not to worry Browns, Drew Rosenhaus is on the case!

Yeah assholes, why should he have to pick up the (SPRINT MOBILE!) phone and tell his coach where he’s at? For soldiers like Winslow, leaking such information could put his entire unit in danger.

Photoshop by Ape

Video via FanHaus FanHouse

Waldo image via JTrue