It’s a pretty lackluster slate of early games. Ordinarily, Pats-Colts is a delightful late-season hatefest; this year, the Pats are three-touchdown favorites, the first 20+ point favorites in an NFL game since 2007. Denver-Minnesota might have been interesting if Von Miller and Adrian Peterson were playing (they’re not). And depending on Tyler Palko’s performance against the Bears defense, keep your eyes open for a Kyle Orton sighting in Chicago.

That leaves Bengals at Steelers as the big draw today. The Steelers need the divisional win to stay in contention for the AFC North; the Bengals can leapfrog Pittsburgh in the Wild Card standings with a win. Yellow towels shall be waved, bad blood mixed, concussions delivered, fines levied. The outcome’s unclear, but one thing is certain: WE GON DRANK.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh ★★★★
Atlanta @ Houston ★★★
Oakland @ Miami ★★
NY Jets @ Washington ★★
Indianapolis @ New England ★★
Denver @ Minnesota ★★
Tennessee @ Buffalo ★
Carolina @ Tampa Bay ★
Kansas City @ Chicago (Tyler Palko versus Caleb Hanie. FEEL THE EXCITEMENT.) ★

Week 13 coverage maps here.

It’s times like these when we’re best off taking the teachings of Steve Smith to heart.

[@PrincessDobrich via Busted Coverage]

Hate restores us. Hate focuses us. Hate keeps us warm at night and spoons us if we so desire it. And no time is hate more powerful – more necessary – than the postseason, when those we despise are so close to getting what they want. I don’t get what I want, so f*ck those guys. There are countless reasons to hate anyone. Some of which you might not be aware. Or been made to realize that they are worthy of scorn. Well, you came to the right place. Allow us to guide you to the darkest recesses of the soul, where the streets run dark green with bile and everyone knows your embarrassing nickname.

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Earlier this week, Steeler Poodle called to mind the iconic image of Steelers fandom: the morbidly obese Steelers fan, AKA Fat Steeler Chick.  It encapsulates much of what is to be hated and loved about the mighty braying Steelers Republic: we can express our repulsion at this unsightly breeding ground for diabetes — especially since she seems to have a tongue stud and a wedding ring — or we can celebrate the inherent joy of being a Steelers fan.  Ignorance of ineptitude, it seems, is bliss.  As is a no-holds-barred approach to Primanti’s.

Remarkably, KSK commenter “Junker23″ recognized someone in this famous photo, thus tipping him off to our hefty heroine’s name.  He was kind enough to pass on what he claims is a more recent photo of Fat Steelers Chick, who is now Less Fat Steelers Chick:
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I’m admittedly a frequent viewer of The Price is Right (though I’ve never masturbated to the show like BDD), as it’s a nicely enjoyable but unremarkable late morning program to have on in the background while whipping up dick jokes on the Internet. Ever since Drew Carey took over hosting duties, however, there has been a profusion of Browns jerseys adorning audience members. Obviously, this is not surprising considering Carey’s connection to the city. But have any of those Brownies fans worn a tapped on Dr. Bummer plate on the back of their jersey, then placed a $69 bid to advance to one of the pricing games? I think not. The obnoxious game show antics advantage has swung decisively in favor of the yinzers.

[PSAMP]