It’s been a little while since we picked on Josh McDaniels, so here ya go.  This is a tribute to Broncos fans, as your anger at the organization keeps us warm and dry on rainy nights.  It was either this or Things to Do in Denver When You’re Out of Playoff Contention.

This asshole Childress. This bald Mr. Noodle motherfucker. This cumstachioed cockbin.

This was to be the Offseason of McDaniels!

I was gonna set fire to franchise and watch that fucker burn to cinders with all the world cackling right along with me. I was to set the new gold standard in head coaching sabotage. It was to be mine and mine alone. I forced out a young franchise QB because I pined for fucking Matt Cassel, tried to smooth it over, then made it clear I still wanted Cassel. Then I didn’t do shit to address the defense, which was the problem in the first place.

I EVEN DEVELOPED THE SUPERAIDS

But in one fell swoop, it’s all been taken away from me. [Rubs eyes frantically] The Offseason of McDaniels has become the Offseason of Favre just. like. that. All my tireless work…squandered. I have to admit, it was a masterstroke, Childress. Bringing in a mortal franchise enemy, one who has nothing left in the tank, to helm your frustrated franchise. Gotta hand it to ya. That impressed even me. But you’re a one-trick pony, Childress.

Indeed. All is not lost. I can get the forces on chaos back on my side. A little more handiwork is just the ticket. I…I have it in me. No one licks Crazytrain McDaniels. Oh no.

DON’T THINK I CAN’T SIGN MICHAEL VICK AND PLAXICO

AND DONTE STALLWORTH AND MAURICE CLARETT

AND FUCK IT JEFF GEORGE

OH I CAN DO IT

I’M JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRY

[Hyperventilates]

But that’s not all. You know how we gotta trot out those cunt ugly throwbacks for two games this season?

Yeah, the ones that make us look like a fucking Tecmo Bowl team. How’s about we make these babies permanent? That’ll drive our merch sales through the fucking floor. I mean, I know the Broncos already have ugly fucking jerseys, but look at these goddamn things. Mustard and brown. Think of the humiliation potential. It’s staggering.

That’s right. I didn’t even bother to swap out the Cutler jersey. In fact, I think I’ll make EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE TEAM WEAR THE CUTLER JERSEY! And check out that shit-eating grin. You think you got one half that off-putting in you? I’d like to see it. You think you got that in ya? Do ya? You ain’t got shit.

Oh, you thought I was done?

We take it away naming rights for stadium away from Invesco.

No more Invesco Field at Mile High

Now: Raiders Stadium at Fuck You Denver

I can make it happen.

I just brought the noise, Brad.

Let’s see you headline every SportsCenter now.

[Stares wide-eyed at you for three minutes without speaking]

Josh McDaniels: It may not have been under the best of circumstances, but all things considered, I know we’re gonna have a great season together. I wouldn’t've traded for you if I didn’t think you were up to the task. If things shake out right, I think we could have a real monumental season. Shock some people. Really shake things up.

Kyle Orton: Cool, man. Glad to be, y’know, helping out the cause and junk.

Josh McDaniels: Not that there won’t be difficulties…

Kyle Orton: [Urp] No doubt. Learning a new [Urp] system. Always tough.

Josh McDaniels: For one, we’ve had some problems on the defensive side of the ball.

Kyle Orton: Oh yeah. Totally.

Josh McDaniels: And the running game could use some work.

Kyle Orton: [Urp] I hear that.

Josh McDaniels: But really, your main concern right off the bat is…

Kyle Orton: Yeah?

Josh McDaniels: It is, well, it is…

[Door flies open]

Philip Rivers: Ya betta ask someboddddaaaayyyyyyy!

Josh McDaniels: It’s that guy.

Rivers: You better believe I’m your main concern YA BEARDY TWAT! I ALREADY RAN ONE CUTLERFUCKER OUT OF TOWN! AND HE WAS TWICE THE SHITTY QUARTERBACK YOU ARE! HE SULKED UNTIL HE COULD SULK NO MORE! THEN THEY PUT HIM ON THE FIRST TRAIN TO THE WINDY SULKY CITY FULL OF MIDWESTERN TWO-CHINNED LUMBERING SAUSAGEWITS! AND NOW YOU’RE STANDING ON THE TRACKS AND THE LASER’S COMING THROUGH!

WHAT? HUH? WHAT? SHAVE YOUR FUCKING NECKGINA!

Rivers: You in some catatonic case? You can’t make out what I’m saying to you? ARE YOU FUCKING MENTALLY DEFICIENT? ARE YOU COCKTUALLY BEREFT!? ALL SIGNS POINT TO FUCK YES!

Orton: This guy…check out this guy. [Urp] He’s kinda funny.

Rivers: I’m a funny guy to you, Beardo? Perhaps you’ll change your mind about my funnin’ ways once I whip the AFC West sweeping dick out. THE HUMOR IS LESS ENJOYABLE WHEN IT SPOOGES IN YOUR EYE!

Orton: So long as I can get Fat Tire, you can sweep anything you want with anybody’s dick.

Rivers: Sulk, goddammit! SULK LIKE A PUSSY BRONCO QUARTERBACK SHOULD! What’s this complacent shit!? You can’t get get beyond the mind games. Your devastated psyche will show!

Orton: [Downs bottle of Bulleit Bourbon] Yeah. You’ff… probabee right about the weather…Gonna rain tomorrow or some schizz [passes out]

Rivers: Can it be? Can I actually be missing the Cutlerfucker? NO! THERE ARE ALWAYS SENSITIVE NINNIES TO BERATE!

Orton:[Urp] It could be. Stranger things have [vomits]

Rivers: Hey! [Pokes with cock] HEY! Get the fuck up! What’s the use without the abuse!?

Josh McDaniels: Since he’s out…uh, any chance I can swing a trade for you?