HOW BE YE, LANDLUBBING COW RANCHERS!? Buried deep within this Dan Le Batard column about how all coaches in pro sports are miserable (shocker!) and how icons like Jimmy Johnson are only truly happy after they leave the game and spend their millions on a languorous post-career lifestyle that includes frolicking underwater with porpoises and buying new boats every six months, lies this nugget: “[wife] Rhonda organizes the house parties with themes. Pirates are next, for example.” Sure, pirate parties sound like a lark, Jimmy. UNTIL THEY WENT AND GOT GOVERNING RESPONSIBILITIES. Hello, stressers.

Jimmy Johnson owns two Super Bowl rings, which he won while the head football coach with the Dallas Cowboys. He owns an NCAA championship ring, which he won while the head coach with the Miami Hurricanes. He’s best known these days as a commentator for the NFL on Fox Pregame Show, where he joins Curt Menefee, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and Michael Strahan to analyze the day’s football games.

I’m listening.

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