Kissing Suzy Kolber » Jerry Jones

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Saints Fans Don’t Subscribe to the Broken Window Theory of Crime Prevention

Christmas Ape — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:35:16 +0000

From Who Datting commenter TurleyGirlie, a tale in parking lot rubishness she captured prior to last Saturday’s win over the Buzzsaw.

For some reason, I thought y’all would love this. We saw this as we were walking into the game from our tailgating spot. The thought process of the tards that tailgated here:

Tard 1: Oh shit! We broke the back window!

Tard 2: Shit!

Tard 1: Let’s stretch this too-small garbage bag over the window.

Tard 2: Great idea!

Tard 1: Okay, it’s game time, let’s go!

P.S. The forecast was like 80% chance of rain.

Also? I woulda done the same damn thing. What were they going to do? Leave and get it fixed? Hell no.

Well, of course. It’s not like anything ever gets fixed in New Orleans anyway.

In keeping with the contributions from Saints fans, here’s LSUFreek’s gif of Kurt Warner’s destruction at the hands of the Who Dats.

The Patron Saint Joe Namath will be narrating the CBS intro to the AFC Championship on Sunday. Good thing it’s the early game, that way he’s only eight or nine drinks into his day. Bodog needs to put odds on whether he calls them the Baltimore Coltshhhhhhhh.

A rather zealous Jets fans has named his son J.E.T.S. (or Jake Edward Thomas Schonberg). Who’d he have a kid with, Bridget Moynahan?

Dammit Jerry Jones. I don’t care if your colossatorium is hosting his next fight, don’t nobody put Manny Pacquiao in a kicker’s jersey.

The Redskins are finally getting around to upgrading the Lite Bright video boards in their shitastic monstrosity in Raljon. VICTOREEE IN HDEEE, COOCH!

Bills GM Buddy Nix takes a jab at the Raiders in the process of explaining unctuously that the Bills fielded calls from other candidates prior to settling on Chan Gailey as coach. Nice to know that in addition to being willfully stupid, they’re also smug about it.

Cowboys Stadium Features Cage Dancers, Lacks End Zone Stripper Poles

Unsilent Majority — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:28:54 +0000

Come on Jerry, surely you can find these girls outfits befitting a cage dancer.

Much has been made of the many eye-opening features at the new Cowboys Stadium, and rightly so. I thought we’d already seen everything the stadium had to offer, and then we were treated to the cage dancers. That development got us wondering what other features Jerry Jones tried to cram into the stadium. After a little bit of digging we managed to come up with a list of proposed stadium features that didn’t make the cut for a variety of reasons.

- A four drink minimum

- Mirrored ceilings

- Cheerleader locker room cam

- Indoor coach firing squad

- Tower of Babel built to scale

- Massive throne for when God shows up to watch his team

- Shark tank dancers

- Marcus Dixon‘s Super Fun Kids’ Playroom

- 18 hole golf course

- Monorail around concourse

- Oversized belt buckle concession stand

- Gun check

- Double wooden swinging doors in front of the tunnel

- Michael Irvin’s Barbershop

- A kick ass rear spoiler

- Swearing in of all club-level ticket holders as “Deputies”

- Pass defense

- Sideline hitching posts

- Baked potato bar

- Sarsaparilla vendors

- Mean dog on a chain in lieu of stadium security

- Hologram ushers

- Glory holes

- All you can eat pussy buffet

- On-site White House with shuttle access to special dirtier off-site White House

- Wade Phillips dunk tank

- Jason Garret’s dining club (closed to the public)

- “Shoot your own steak” barbecue pit/cattle corral

- Flozell Adams Brazilian Wax Salon

- Used cheerleader panties concession stand

Image via Flickr

Dallas Is Compensating For Something

Unsilent Majority — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:49:47 +0000

Did you hear that Jerry Jones built a gargantuan $1.15 billion shrine to football and decadence? Because he did, and he wants everyone to know how GODDAMN HUGE it is. Needless to say, Dan Snyder will take this shirt as an affront to his stature and he’ll be even more eager to build a shiny new monstrosity of his own. [NBC DFW]

I Hate Every Ape I See, From Chimpan-A to Chimpanzee

Captain Caveman — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:09:47 +0000

Presented without comment: Jerry Jones interacts with fans at the Black Hole.

Unsilent Majority — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 16:20:40 +0000

Could TO be done in Dallas? From ESPN: “Owner Jerry Jones has pointed to the negative impact that Owens’ release would have on the club’s salary cap as a major reason for keeping the receiver around. But it sounds like others at Valley Ranch, namely his son Stephen, are trying to convince Jones that releasing T.O. would be worth the financial risks.” YEEEEEEHAW!!!!!!! MY SON IS FUCKIN’ RATIONAL!