The above Photoshop comes from our intermittent but terrifying mouth-eyes meme, and it owes at least some inspiration from the Corinthian, the most memorable nightmare from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series.

While the headline image is of my own creation, many KSK readers responded to our call for JaMarcus Photoshops in Monday’s post, and I’m proud to share the best of the submissions below. Thanks to all who took the time to take part in the fun.

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The Raiders released JaMarcus Russell late last week, giving up on the 2007 #1 overall pick after only three years and $39 million, or about $100,000 per completion. (“How’d you manage to do it so quickly?” asked Alex Smith.) So now, the man his teammates called “Jambone” (from the French for “ham”) is now looking for work — presumably in the refrigerator. That’s a burn, fattie.

But honestly, at KSK, we have nothing but love for the talented signal caller. Yes, he IS talented. At wheezing and staying still. That’s why we’ve collected some of his greatest moments in the following image gallery:

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Welcome to the first installment of KSK’s newest series, Better Know a Draft Pick. We’ll lead up to April’s draft by giving you all the pertinent info you’ll need on the next generation of future salary cap casualties.

Name: Jamal + Marcus + Stupid Parents= JaMarcus
Height: Tall
Weight: Fat

Speed: Fuck No
Arm Strength: Mountain Eclipsing
Urine Test: Positive for clarified butter
Stool Sample: Brobdingnagian

Mainstream Comparison: Daunte Culpepper
KSK Comparison: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man on HGH (and you thought it would be a black guy…)

Who Wants Him: The Crypt Keeper and his Wonder Boy

Hobby: Collects things that are soft.
Fav Movie: Sling Blade, Of Mice and Men

Story that ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Once housed Fats Domino and a dozen other Katrina refugees in his Baton Rouge apartment that was absolutely not paid for by a booster.

Immediate Impact: JaMarcus has all the skills he needs to be a success but considering his future surroundings (Oakland) he’ll turn into another gunslinger with gaudy numbers and a handful wins. Hey, not everybody can be a Sex Cannon. If he were surrounded by “talent” and “NFL caliber coaching” he’d be a sensation… ‘C’est la vie’, say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell…

Down the Road: Most quarterbacks age like wine and cheese. Well JaMarcus’ ass is going to age like a tub of potato salad wedged between PK’s legs on a mid-summer road trip.