What fools we were. Thinking all along that it was a standoff between the players’ union and the owners that was going to ruin the NFL. No, it’s going to be the work of Little Nancy Non-Football People (Millen’s words) trying to dilute the innate toughness of the game all for the sake of people not getting permanently maimed. HOW COULD WE HAVE BEEN SO BLIND?

Anyway, it only took a couple generations of players becoming slobbering wrecks in old age as well as a litany of studies that produced the startling conclusion that head injuries do not in fact make males more virile later in life for the NFL to do something about protecting its players from concussions. Just kidding. It was all the result of the TINDERBOX OF DEATH THAT WAS WEEK 6. Prior to Sunday, we had no idea helmet-to-helmet hits could be a problem. But now they are worse than 12 types of cancer and we must stamp them out immediately.

What will the NFL do? Besides overact horribly and ruin the sport? Read on and discover the pussifying rule changes (Millen’s words) to come:

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Whoa, whoa, whoa… tickets are still available to the Lions-Seahawks game this Sunday because Detroit fans aren’t going to make the trip? But this is the weekend’s premiere matchup between a 1-6 team and a 2-5 team! Hell, the last time these two teams faced off, the final score was 9-6! Barns: burned. WHEEEEEE!!!