So far this season I’ve remained true to my word to not return to FedEx Field until I am left with no other choice, and so far all I’ve missed out on is shitty alcohol, poorly grilled meat, a crowd filled with social assholes who’d rather yuk it up than agonize over the actual game, and the occasional dumb bitch trying to execute a running leg drop on an elevated table (sans opponent). Fortunately somebody taped the last one so I could relive it from my couch, where I’m also able to watch every minute of the game and post-game in high def surrounded by excellent alcohol and perfectly cooked meats delivered to my door. And all without driving to Landover and sitting in a parking lot for two hours next to these retards.

That’s just stunningly poor execution right there. Hell, even if you achieve the desired outcome you’re still landing ass first on the blacktop with a six-inch shard of particle board lodged in your downstairs. No, these ladies simply don’t understand the fundamentals of a proper table match. Continue after the jump for a quick historical lesson on the art of hurling oneself through a piece of portable furniture.

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A couple weeks back we took you inside a Patriots tailgate. (Just in the nick of time too, from what we understand Pats fans have decided football season is officially over. Go Sawx!) Today, we take a look at what is apparently a tradition at Bills’ tailgates: mustard and ketchup showers off the back of an Econoline van.

0:10 Why do I get the feeling that one or more of those people lives in that van?

0:25 A disgusting act. Joe Buck’s panties are now in a wad.

0:51 Meth-addled skank taunts Raider fans. Skank-in-training reluctantly helps.

1:03 “I can see you’re not a golfer.”

1:16 ‘Peter puffer’? Really??? That’s all you got? If this tailgate was in Oakland someone would be swinging around a cinderblock on the end of a tow chain and you guys are doling out some insults that wouldn’t get a rise out of a third-grader.

1:26 I was going to make a joke at the expense of big girl in the orange shirt, but then I realized he’s probably one of the Buffalo Jills.

2:17 This must be Teddy Kenny. Based on the chant, I surmise that he is a big fan of the ketchup.

2:55 MONEY SHOT!!!

3:33 Now that I think about it, this should happen to anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.

If any Bills fans care to shed some light on this curious pregame ritual, we’d like to hear it.

We kid Patriot fans a lot around here, but we do it out of love. And by that I mean love for the traffic they bring our site—not that band of dickholes they cheer for. But in the interests of presenting an honest, unbiased look at Patriots fans, we offer this clip shot at the tailgate before and after last week’s star-crossed victory over the Chiefs. We’ve taken the liberty of providing a running commentary, so you won’t miss a thing…

00:05-00:41 Before our host takes us around the paahking laaaht, he mocks Brodie Croyle for not being Tom Brady. I can think of something that Croyle can do that Brady can’t… WALK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

00:50 “Why do all the women look like they were bussed in from 1982?”- Drew

1:04 Gratuitous jail-bait crotch shot. You’re welcome.

1:10 Chiefs fan leaves Pats fan hanging. He better hope that chintzy plastic batting helmet can withstand a Sam Adams bottle thrown at close range.

1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke.

1:19 You Mu’s sure can party!!!

1:22 The Cavalcade of Morons begins.

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