This afternoon we have another edition of the sporadic “Inside a Tailgate” series. It’s a feature that gives you insight into some of the goings-on with fans around the league. And it gives us a chance to count a YouTube video as a post. Nice.

00:01 – Chubs tells “Reggie Wane” that he will handle the introduction duties. I’ve just seen this guy, but I have always been able to make snap judgments about people. I predict this guy will open his introduction with some Proust before making a dry self-deprecating observation on the human condition. That, or quoting Stone Cold Steve Austin. It could go either way.

0:03 – Hitch up you sweatpants, Bulbous Fett.

0:08 – Waiting for his cue… Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy here is used to working with professionals. Give his ass a countdown, you clod.

0:10 – “HEY! WE’RE COLTS FANS!” This is your brilliant introduction? This is the least expository introduction in the history of introducing stuff. Christ, this thing is already going downhill.

0:16 – Now he introduces Shawne Merriman, “defensive player for the Chargers”. Dude, if we don’t already know who he is, your impression is kind of pointless.

0:20 – This guy seems to shortchanging Merriman’s surname by a full syllable– pronouncing it ‘Merman’. It seems they fear this Mer-Man and thinks he intends to drag them before King Poseidon and his briny palace in Atlantis.

0:24 – Two days later, he moaned and flopped in precisely the same manner when the EMT administered the defibrillator.

0:31 – “RETARD….OUT!” He says it like that’s his end communication signal.

0:36 – At first I thought it was a novelty helmet, merely festooning his head whimsically before the big game. I know realize he is living with a serious head injury and that thing is a medical necessity under doctor’s orders.

A be-poloed lad at a Chargers-Colts tailgate has a bit of a problem holding his booze after taking a beer bong hit and goes headfirst into a nearby grill. But marvel at the way a drinking calamity brings out the frenzied best in rival fans, even if that means a cacophony of unhelpful commands. I especially like the suggestion that someone give up the Mandible Claw to induce vomiting. Bonus irony points for “Wrong Way” blasting in the background as the fail plays out.

That’s just stunningly poor execution right there. Hell, even if you achieve the desired outcome you’re still landing ass first on the blacktop with a six-inch shard of particle board lodged in your downstairs. No, these ladies simply don’t understand the fundamentals of a proper table match. Continue after the jump for a quick historical lesson on the art of hurling oneself through a piece of portable furniture.

Ah, youth.

0:10 Why do I get the feeling that one or more of those people lives in that van?

0:25 A disgusting act. Joe Buck’s panties are now in a wad.

0:51 Meth-addled skank taunts Raider fans. Skank-in-training reluctantly helps.

1:03 “I can see you’re not a golfer.”

1:16 ‘Peter puffer’? Really??? That’s all you got? If this tailgate was in Oakland someone would be swinging around a cinderblock on the end of a tow chain and you guys are doling out some insults that wouldn’t get a rise out of a third-grader.

1:26 I was going to make a joke at the expense of big girl in the orange shirt, but then I realized he’s probably one of the Buffalo Jills.

2:17 This must be Teddy Kenny. Based on the chant, I surmise that he is a big fan of the ketchup.

2:55 MONEY SHOT!!!

3:33 Now that I think about it, this should happen to anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog.

If any Bills fans care to shed some light on this curious pregame ritual, we’d like to hear it.

We kid Patriot fans a lot around here, but we do it out of love. And by that I mean love for the traffic they bring our site—not that band of dickholes they cheer for. But in the interests of presenting an honest, unbiased look at Patriots fans, we offer this clip shot at the tailgate before and after last week’s star-crossed victory over the Chiefs. We’ve taken the liberty of providing a running commentary, so you won’t miss a thing…

00:05-00:41 Before our host takes us around the paahking laaaht, he mocks Brodie Croyle for not being Tom Brady. I can think of something that Croyle can do that Brady can’t… WALK, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

00:50 “Why do all the women look like they were bussed in from 1982?”- Drew

1:04 Gratuitous jail-bait crotch shot. You’re welcome.

1:10 Chiefs fan leaves Pats fan hanging. He better hope that chintzy plastic batting helmet can withstand a Sam Adams bottle thrown at close range.

1:15 Kid wastes beer, looks for place to puke.

1:19 You Mu’s sure can party!!!

1:22 The Cavalcade of Morons begins.

1:32 “We have to post that Pats video. The guy with the Yankees Suck shirt saying ‘One and oh’ to the camera is enough.” – Christmas Ape

1:44 Real Deal in the hizzy!!!

1:53 Mother of four rocking the Bruschi tshirt. Her drunken stagger/dance leads me to believe that Tedy is a distant-second on her list of favorite “brewskis”.

2:11 Please don’t scare us like that. Our east-coast readers are trying to enjoy their lunch.

2:20 Inexplicable rant against a former Patriot great. HOW DARE YOU TAKE CONSIDERABLY MORE MONEY TO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE ON THE BACKSIDE OF YOUR CAREER!!!

2:29 Tommy fom Quinzee’s pals offer divergent opinions on the quality of Matt Cassel.

2:49 ZOMG!!! A minority, who let him in?!?

3:00 She thinks “her friend” Tom Brady might be hurt. Similarly, I can’t wait until “my friend” Tiger Woods is healthy enough for us to play nine at the local par-3 course.

3:30 Our host wraps things up and includes a heart-felt shout out to Danny O’Shea in Guatemala, who is bravely serving our country in……. the Peace Corps? Are you shitting me? Screw that hippie.