ALL THAT REMAINS IS A BULLET TO THE ASS AND A FIGHT WITH A BENGALS LINEBACKER LINEMAN IN VEGAS. And then the transformation from James Harrison to Joey Porter will be complete. The latest indication: Harrison’s son, appropriately named James Harrison III (THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW HE’S LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!), has been hospitalized after being attacked by one of his father’s dogs. Perhaps Harrison is a lycanpeezy and only exhibits Peezy-like tendencies under the glow of a full moon. Though his reticence suggests he’s got some zombie Greg Lloyd in him as well. Hybrid monster!

JAMES HARRISON NOT RETARDED AFTER ALL! He’s just a really bad liar. Apparently the guy just has an acute fear of flying and that is why he’s foregoing the trip to D.C. later this week to meet his worship, Cliff Huxtable. Nevermind, of course, that Warrrrshington is only, at most, a mere four-hour car ride from the ‘Burgh. THAT’S ANYBODY CAR DISTANCE! THAT ROAD WASN’T PAVED FOR JAMES HARRISON! [Mondesi's House]

Grocery clerk: Care for a lemon bar?

Woman: Oh, sure. Thank you.

Grocery clerk: Good, huh?

Woman: Very good.

Grocery clerk: Glad to hear it. Thanks for stopping by. You, sir, care for a lemon bar?

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