Oooh, je ne sais quoi. Loogit you, Miles Austin. Very good, you mental midget football functionary. Bob Costas must now know if you know the meaning of several other French idioms that New York Times writers are prone to drop in the middle of trend pieces.

Savoir Faire? You know that one? Huh? Do you? Do you? Stammer some more for me, why don’t you?

Joie de vivre? That means lust for life. You know you sang that song? That’s Iggy Pop, you goddamn simp. If it isn’t Iggy Koopa, you wouldn’t know, would you?

What about esprit de corps, huh? You wanna step into the Costas Chalet and throw down some French? You best be ready to rouler, mon ami.

Ookie might have gotten his first loss of this season this past Sunday (sorry, the Redskins game where he got hurt in the first quarter doesn’t go on him) but he probably made the sickest throw of the season late in the fourth quarter, hitting quadruple-covered Brent Celek in the end zone for a touchdown to at least make the game close for one last onside kick. I’d still rather watch Vick play than soulless manufactured icon LeBron James get booed by a bunch of diptard Cleveland fans using ersatz Cameron Crazies chant sheets. That’s just me, though. I’m sure in the ratings LeBronnukah will destroy a barely relevant Thursday night game on nigh unwatchable (both in quality and availability) NFL Network.

Meanwhile, Asante Samuel is inactive tonight, which is a shame because I could watch Andre Johnson swing on him for hours on end.

During the NBC pregame show, Dan Patrick asked Tony Dungy whether Michael Vick would be as good a quarterback without serving time in prison. Dungy said he would not. The NFL being a copycat league, we can be assured of a panoply of quarterbacks doing whatever they can to land themselves in the calaboose. Roethlisberger has to be pissed that he just can’t himself in the clink despite seemingly trying as hard as possible to get there.

Vick, meanwhile, has yet to throw an interception this season. In fact, he hasn’t thrown one since December 2006, which is a fact no way offset by the several years he spent incarcerated. Nevertheless, if there was any doubt that he is putting the NFL on a rape stand, it was eliminated last week against the Redskins. Ever since getting off to a horrid start, the Giants had been killing pretty much every quarterback they faced until that opposition fielded Jon Kitna against them. Still, I’m willing to chalk that up to the inherent weirdness of division contests.

Hopelessly this game should live up to its promise and be a worthwhile contest. If nothing else, at least we’ll be entertained with the way the broadcasters make fun of Andy Reid for the third straight week.

Welcome back to American Top 10. I’m Casey Kasem.

Before we continue with the countdown, let’s take a moment… and travel back… to December 28, 1996.

Beavis and Butthead Do America was the number one movie at the box office.

On the charts, Toni Braxton held the top spot with the scintillating and sultry “Unbreak My Heart”.

And “America’s Team,”… the Dallas Cowboys… defeated Brad Johnson and the Minnesota Vikings 40-15… in an NFC Wild Card game.

One week later, Michael Irvin is accused of holding a gun to a 23-year-old woman’s head while teammate Erik Williams and another man rape her. An incomprehensible act of evil.

13 years after that, Dallas has been raped in the playoffs… again and again.

And we couldn’t be happier.

All God’s children hate Philadelphia. That much can’t be disputed. But this streak… is too delicious to snap. Plus, we know, the Eagles… will blow it anyway.

Remember, friends: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Except the Cowboys’ star. I wouldn’t touch that thing if it were branded on Jessica Biel’s ass.

Call it East Coast Bias, call it a predilection to avoid games that don’t matter, but it’s probably best for us to live blog a game with actual playoff implications rather than Monday night’s affair where THIS GUY gets to clinch the NFC West crown over THAT GUY. Instead, teams named from cities in New York and Pennsylvania with fanbases largely residing in the Dirty Jerz (F*ck off, Giants fans who try to claim the Jets are the trashy team with exclusively Jersey roots) do battle to take a division title that Dallas aggressively wants to forfeit.

Speaking of Jersey, while MTV might be backing off airing the now infamous Jersey Shore bar punch, we’ll gladly supply you with the footage.

[Note: The Mannings image on the live blog template is included because Peyton, Eli and Cooper are guest starring on The Simpsons this evening. I could have a bit part in an episode and I still wouldn't want to watch that garbage. What's amusing about that Simpsons book that came out recently is that they maybe found one person involved that doesn't admit that the show sucks now. But I still have to know what's with the green jersey on Cooper? Are they saying he was destined for the Jets?]

[Follow-up note: According to a commenter, "the green jersey on Cooper Manning was his high school colors at Isadore Newman in New Orleans." Thank you, New Orleans high school football mavens.]

You must have some really pivotal fantasy starters in this game (they better be on the Eagles) or else we need to look into some kind of live blog addiction intervention for the lot of you. This game will not be good. It will not be entertaining in the least. Don’t say you weren’t warned. I’m only tuning as a sick form of self-abnegation and to see whether Dan Snyder will dispatch his stormtroopers to cudgel the first poor sap dumb enough to stick a sign in front of an ESPN camera that suggests the team should be sold. Six Flags in PG has been an internment camp for such foolhardy fans for the previous three years. Somehow nobody has noticed.

The last time Philly appeared in the playoffs, we got “Fuck Da Eagles” girl. While it’s unlikely that Minnesota has a decent equivalent, we live in hope.

This is likely to be a dazzling spectacle of horrible coaching, one that future Romeos and Marinellis will write length dissertations on during their senior year at the School of Kotite. Seriously, what possessed the NFL to give Philly and Minnesota the marquee time slot of the weekend. This is the least exciting match-up of the bunch. Dicks.

When a former offensive coordinator who can’t coach offense and a head coach with no grasp on clock management get together, it makes you wonder how these two clowns aren’t working for Jim Johnson. It’s their second meeting since Brad Childress took the Vikings job, but now it’s with their seasons on the line (seasons that started with very high hopes, plummeted to the Earth, then still somehow resulted in playoff spots). WHO YA GOT?

So long as it doesn’t give out.

Or you can do it right.

And you don’t spawn this.

And, uh, DeSean is a tard.