Jon Gruden: We got a real tough matchup here this week, fellas. These Seahawks won’t give you a goddamn inch, fellas. We’re gonna have to fight for everything we got, fellas. We’re gonna have to leave it all out there on the field, fellas. And that means cutting the cord and PLAYING SOME GODDAMN FOOTBALL, FELLAS.

Kevin Carter: Whatever. They’re the Seahawks. They fucking suck. We just lit up those Carolina bitches. I’mma cool down.

Jon Gruden: Well Kevin, that is pretty goddamn weak. That’s just what Holmgren wants us to do, fellas.. That guy is a fucking LEGEND, and he will turn up the heat on you if you just sit back and let him, fellas!

Chris Hovan: YEAHHHH I’M SO FUCKING FIRED UP I‘M GONNA PAINT MY FACE AND MY ENTIRE BACK YEAAARRRGHHHH! I’M GONNA OVERPURSUE EVERY RUNNING PLAY UNTIL I FUCKING PUKE!

Jon Gruden: That’s what I’m talking about, fellas. You see Chris’ fire, fellas? We’re gonna to have to match their intensity out on that field, fellas. And we’re gonna have to…. Hey, what’s that sound? You fellas hear something?

Kevin Carter: Yeah, sounds like a big swishing sound.

Chris Hovan: LET ME AFTER IT! I’LL FUCKING HIT IT AND FORGET TO WRAP MY ARMS AROUND IT! THEN I’LL SCREAM REAL LOUD AND USE UP MY LAST REMAINING ENERGY!

Jon Gruden: Wait a second, fellas. I know what that sound is. Oh, shit. Not again…

(puerta flies open)

(more…)