Kissing Suzy Kolber » Hooray For Hollywood

Brokeback Namath

Monday Morning Punter — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:30:00 +0000

Seriously, man. I am the biggest g0ddamn gossip hound you ever saw. I just love Hollywood news. I follow it religiously because I have to be in tune with the “industry.” If some starlet with lots of money and no real frame of reference on life breaks up with some fuckhead lead singer for some edgy band that I’ve never heard of, then I want the fucking SCOOP! And if there was an ice cream flavor named Maggie Gyllenhaal, you can bet your sweet ass that I’d…I don’t really have an ending for that. But if I coulda worked in a callback with “scoop,” it probably woulda been pretty awesome. Whoa.

No, so anyway, Variety.com is reporting that Maggie’s brother, Joey Gyllenhaal has been tapped to play the lead in a motion picture about Joe Namath’s life. You might remember Jack from that gay cowboy movie that was up for a bunch of awards a couple years ago, but it lost the Best Picture Oscar to that one movie where Matt Damon fingers that one chick during that traffic stop. But then, like she saw some dog in the road and flipped her SUV and so he had to rescue her from that burning car, so everything was cool after that.

But seriously, Fred Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor, and I’m sure this movie is going to be the bee’s elbow. I mean, it’s Joe Namath! I just hope that ~~he gets that part locked up, and that~~ he doesn’t end up on one of those horrible Hollywood magazine shows with a DUI or something. Man, I’m glad this kinda stuff doesn’t happen in sports.

Kevin Everett Honorary Meast of the Week: National Coming Out Day Special HEYYYY

Christmas Ape — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 15:53:00 +0000

Today is 20th annual National Coming Out Day, in which “members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and tranny hooker communities and their supporters (often referred to as “allies” or, if you’re the Dead Tree Crew, “FAGGOTS”) show pride and wish for planets full of unicorns. It is highly encouraged for participants in this movement to wear identifying symbols, such as the pink triangle, Ravens jerseys, the Greek letter lambda and rainbows, in jewelry and on their clothing, to demonstrate their presence in all walks of life, all ages and all ethnic groups.”

I know, I know. Hold off on the predictable jokes about Jeff Garcia and the Mannings for a sec, won’t you, Tony Dungy? We’re here to honor people like Ufford, possessed of homicidal rage but comfortable enough in their sexuality to wear pinstripe pants and pink shirts.

This week’s Meast is Mike Sellers, who, despite having played in the CFL, is a killer of men, tamer of Lions, and also an accenter of beards. It’s those small stylistic touches that nicely top off a measty two TD performance against Detroit. He also has several new tattoos on his left arm: three large “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” skulls accompanied by the words “Fear No Man,” and a dark script of his nickname, “Dat Boy.” See, Sellers doesn’t fear the gays. Joe Gibbs and his band of parking lot degenerates could learn something.

Brokeback Namath

Monday Morning Punter — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 02:08:00 +0000

No, so anyway, Baltimoresun.com is reporting that Maggie’s brother, Joey Gyllenhaal is first in line to play the lead in a motion picture about Joe Namath’s life. You might remember Jack from that gay cowboy movie that was up for a bunch of awards a couple years ago, but it lost the Best Picture Oscar to that one movie where Matt Damon fingers that one chick during that traffic stop. But then, like she saw some dog in the road and flipped her SUV and so he had to rescue her from that burning car, so everything was cool after that.

But seriously, Fred Gyllenhaal is an amazing actor, and I’m sure this movie is going to be the bee’s elbow. I mean, it’s Joe Namath! I just hope that he gets that part locked up, and that he doesn’t end up on one of those horrible Hollywood magazine shows with a DUI or something. Man, I’m glad this kinda stuff doesn’t happen in sports.