Portis to IR makes for a sad Maj. A lot of people see Clinton Portis as a bit of a clown, and to be fair, he’s certainly done his share of clowning. But I love Clinton Portis as much as any other active football player, so this morning’s news that he’s likely headed to IR after re-injuring his groin is making me a bit sad and nostalgic (because I have girl parts). Portis has looked pretty run down the last couple of years, and seeing as how he’s due over $8 million next season he’s seen as a likely cap casualty in the off-season. We may have seen the last of Clinton Portis in a Redskins uniform, and that blows. [@JReidPost, Mister Irrelevant]

Earlier today the Redskins swung a trade with Baltimore to acquire reserve quarterback John Beck. Normally this isn’t the kind of thing people would care about, but that all changed when everyone realized it was the death knell of the Colt Brennan era in Washington.

Hmmm…that doesn’t sound very official. Maybe he said “aloha.” That could be taken in a number of different ways, right?

Very well then. I guess now it’s all over but the crying.

Oh, and there will be crying.

The Dead Tree Crew will be sitting shiva for the rest of the week.

Everyone who reads this blog knows I’m a huge Steelers homer, so let’s just get that out of the way so as to eliminate the need for 35 commenters to make note of it. As with any scandal involving a famous athlete, there’ve been oil tanker-size loads of stupidity being doled out on the reg in regards to each development of the latest Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault case. I’ve managed to ignore most of it while minimizing my Twitter fights with Mike Florio to a respectable two. However, after Georgia investigators determined they had insufficient evidence to even bring charges against Roethlisberger, the Steelers misguided decision to trade Santonio Holmes for a 5th round pick and yesterday’s subsequent meeting between commissioner Roger Goodell and Big Ben, the retardery ramped up to a height that made my brain bleed. Then I clicked on this fetid pile of word shit and had to jam my typing finger in my cat’s litter box to ease the stench. The only recourse was unleashing the FJM treatment, but the result skewed more toward the shrill than funny. I told the rest of the Gay Mafia that I wasn’t going to post it, but then Drew and flub demanded that I do anyway, because they enjoy seeing me make an ass of myself. So here it is. Be forewarned that massively annoying homerism abounds.

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Dan Snyder landed himself a marquee coach to go with his new GM, and the trio was out celebrating last night. It wasn’t long before the local media showed up to greet the new coach (just like last time) with cameras rolling. That means it’s time for another edition of the “Inside a Tailgate Classy Steak Dinner” series.

0:01 – Ooh, The Palm. It’s the place to see and be seen. I hope Mr. Snyder remembered his 837 card.

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WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It feels as if a weight has been lifted off the DC metro area’s collective shoulders. Vinny Cerrato, sworn enemy of all those who don’t hate the Redskins, is finally gone after resigning this morning. As sick as it sounds, this is probably the most satisfying moment Redskins fans have experienced in several years (decades?).

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Albert Haynesworth prefers his skinny bitches on the rag. From City Paper’s Dave McKenna: “Junkies producers said Haynesworth’s go-to drink is Skinny Bitch on the Rag, described as a vodka and club soda with a splash of cranberry.” It should be noted that a proper “skinny bitch” is made with Diet Coke and vodka (whereas a skinny model bitch is made with Diet Coke, vodka, and cocaine). I’d alert the Junkies to the difference, but they’d probably just call me f*ggot before moving on to their next segment on how hard the Redskins suck. [Cheap Seats]

Because those of us who root for teams that don’t sign Favre in a desperate and misguided attempt at getting a title never have our feelings conflicted. We can still delight in all his failings, especially when they finally surface against our (my) favorite team

MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

/gets Mastodon and Queens of the Stone Age to disband only to ruin Drew’s day further

//includes consolation photo of Vikings jersey customized with the Peterson nickname Drew coined

Airbrushed motorcycles with Scarface and Steelers themes. Only available on display outside Jerome Bettis’ bar and in every exurban shopping mall food court in the country.

And of all the lazy name plate replacements I’ve seen on mid-’90s pre-Steelers-uniform-design Kordell Stewart jerseys, this one is at least among the top 10 most generic.

Snyder incapable of hiring coach or GM, might allow beloved old man to do it for him. The latest rumor surrounding the woebegone Redskins is that Dan Snyder could bring Joe Gibbs back to oversee the franchise a la Bill Parcells in Miami. The biggest difference between the two is that Parcells has always been singularly focused on the NFL whereas Gibbs spends his time running a NASCAR team and spreading the word of Christ. Noble endeavors no doubt, but the fact remains that Gibbs isn’t really in tune with the goings on around the league. After all, this is the same guy who reacted to Snyder’s enthusiasm regarding Jim Zorn as a head coaching candidate by declaring, “That’s neat.” FML. [PFT]

Update: ESPN 980 reports that a Gibbs return is unlikely.

Yesterday Drew wrote a particularly satisfying rant on the topic of Dan Snyder’s inability to run a football team. While I didn’t agree with all of Drew’s points, most of his criticisms hit home for me and many other distressed Washingtonians. Of course not every Redskins fan agreed with Drew’s contentions.

Chris Chase is a writer for Yahoo! Sports who also maintains his own blog, The Player Hater’s Ball. It was there that Chase wrote his response to Drew’s rant. The post includes several questionable defenses of his personnel and front office decisions. So questionable that I felt some FJM style was warranted.

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