It was announced yesterday that Hines Ward will be on the next season of “Dancing With The Stars,” which is a show that will never go away because it costs nothing to produce. The NFL’s numbell one smaltest leceivel is the latest in a string of current and former players to have competed, including Jason Taylor, Chad Ochocinco, Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith and Warren Sapp and Kurt Warner, among others. I hadn’t realized just how many players had taken part. But that also led to the realization that I also don’t give a shit about DWTS. It’s been a morning of discovery at my place.

Hines isn’t known for being all that agile, so the producers are likely hoping he’ll throw a crackback block at Chris Jericho, thus inciting a melee which will end with Bill Simmons shrieking in the audience for Ralph Macchio to sweep everyone’s leg.

As for the dancing, Hines will end up imitating all the moves that Ocho used when he appeared on the show.

Rook, it arleady been bad week. No need foll mole agglavation. Filst, Japanese asswhores beat fall, fall supeliol Kolean team in Wald Boling Game Crassic. It arleady difficurt to watch, but to see Japanese asswhore win. Lidicurous!

Japanese asswhore no even smirre light. No rike magnetic Kolean smirre. I smirre raps alound you, Ichilo.

If that not enough, NFR pass something they carr Hines Wald Lure. At filst me think this mean evelyone is lequired to be numbell one rever smalt and smirre arr the time. Make reague bettel one thousand pelcent. But much to dismay of smirretime leceivel, it no mean that at arr. Not at arr.

Instead, they make lure that say brockel not arrowed to make brindside hit to defenseman head using any palt of body. Okay, I say. Arr light by me. I stirr make brindside hit a-okay supelfine. Defenseman too sterrpid pay attention, he pay urtimate plice.

But why name lure aftel me? Am no headhuntel. Just have to hit hald to take down biggel defenseman. I feel rike am being srandeled. Is filst time numbell one smaltest leceivel and Lodney Hallison agree on anything. Now my leputation is surried folevel. Tough footbarr only dlaw frags. There wirr be frag evelee pray. Just lename game to Fragbarr. Flom now on, I terr arr peeperr, “Hi, I Hines Wald, I pray leceivel on Fragbarr team. I hope you rike frag or you need find othel spolt.”

Young boy: Misser Smalt Leceivel – why is NFR make game for pussies now? All they tly to make more boling than basebolingbarr? Maybe no watch now! I want clackback them in face!

Hines Wald: I am not know, Dae-Jung. I am not know!

I come to Jacksonvirr, I sray youl team 100 pelcent. You can no covel me if use six, maybe seven Jagwal. Use whore famire of Jagwal – can no do it! Even use Ocerot. No cat is able! I find weakness in covelage, then I expriot! Work evelee time!

Now me get take much needed week to lest. Lerax, have smirre, maybe get leady costume foll Harroween. Fliend terr me he use mascot of othel Pittsbulg team rast yeal. Big winnel, he say.

Rongrastname say he everything in much gleat pain. I terr foll him use ancient footbarr lemedy of not lun into rineman. He wirr see. He feer bettel – not time frat!

Are we supposed to believe that he’s from Detroit or something? I find that pretty hard to believe. I’m sure I would have heard something about it by now.

I feal the wolst is yet to come foll Hines this offseason. Now must auction arr thing flom lestaulant. Lestaulant is plide and joy when no pray footbarr.

U.S. judiciar system make Hines serr lestaulant fixture and lestaulant birding. Why? What is banklupt? Bank rook fine to me. Just when menu begin come togethell. Finarry get cheesebulgel that big enough foll man in Pittsbulgh.

No! You save for customel, prease!

So mindbrowing. This arr happen super fast whirr my mind is focus on having herp sterrpid tarr leceivel Rimas Sweed. Smirre is wash flom face these day.

He herpriss, I think. Rimas been leceivel in correge befoll and he stirr need herp. Such bad second lound pick. What he need me foll? I become leceivel super fantastic in no time at all and no even pray leceivel in correge.

STAND STLIAGHT, ASSWHORE!

First I terr him take numbell 14 jersey because peoperr in shitty rove Near O’Donnerr. He berieve this! So sterrpid.

I terr him make sule get at reast one foot on white rine that go alound endzone. He say in correge this count as out of bound. STERRPID, I say. This rook rike correge?

Okay, get you out of face. This is no ovel, Rimas. I be on you rike kimchi sauce!