I worked as a table runner for a whole lotta weddings in my time. Would you like to know the preferred first dance song of Torrington, CT white trash? It’s “Wonderful Tonight,” by Eric Clapton. I never want to hear that song ever again as long as I live.

I’m now at the age where everyone I know is sick to death of attending weddings. Any single friends I have left better go elope in Vegas, because I’m not spending $1,000 to fly somewhere, sit in a hotel conference room, watch you dance to “At Last,” and do the Electric Slide. It’s just common sense. UNLESS IT’S THE WHELANS’ WEDDING! NO INVITE FOR THE KINGS OF MONTCLAIR, MICHAEL?!

Anyway, this week, it’s the wedding song draft. Pick one song for you and your bride/groom/Japanese manga pillow to have your first dance to. Wait ten picks until picking again. Guess I better pick my actual wedding song.

Can’t go wrong with Otis.