AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA BALTIMORE GATORADE BATHS FOR ALL HARF HARF HARF HARF HARF

/hater

This game broke Twitter and for good reason. It was truly awesome. Flacco outplayed Brady and still lost. The ultimate Troll Genius move. Ray Lewis played like dogsh*t and got owned by Nate Solder all game. Lee Evans dropped a game-winning touchdown in the end zone. Bernard Pollard hurt Gronk, even if he couldn’t take him out entirely. Bill Belichick make a host of terrible decisions but still came away with a victory. Best of all, Billy Vanderjagt Cuntwhiff earned my undying love for always.

Flacco may have played above to the lowly expectations he placed on himself, at least after a dormant first quarter, but he missed Torrey Smith on two deep throws. On another where he connected deep with the benefit of blown coverage, he underthrew Smith badly enough to prevent what would have been a touchdown if the pass hit anywhere close to in stride. Then there’s another red zone possession where Vonta Leach could have walked in for a TD but Flacco opted to not check down for the first time in his life and failed. Just something to keep in mind when hear about how Flacco “should” have come away with a win.

DURR-HURR-HURR!

What’s the best way to quash a rumor of organizational discord? If you’re a bunch of True Blue Collar Amurricans like Brittfar and Jared Allen (who looks like a Squidbilly with his hair like that), it’s pretending not to know the meaning of fancy-dancy words like schism, because any locution that doesn’t end in a apostrophe isn’t worth knowing. Gunslingin’? That’s a word. DUIin’? ‘nother good one. Huntin’ for water fowl with Purple Jesus an’ my smellhound? Best believe that’s one long compound word of awesome.

And yet because of Brandon Marshall, these aren’t even the most monstrous diptards in the news today. I blame the schisms!