As for the Hard Knocks finale, beyond the inevitable Revis drama, there were worthwhile moments from the several featured players on the roster bubble, in particular the especially clueless fullback Jason Davis and running back Danny Woodhead, aka the love child of Darren Sproles and Wes Welker (except he wouldn’t be mixed race).

One stunt that fell on its face was the defense’s revenge against Nacho for apparently setting a stink bomb off in their office. In response, some interns filled up his car with packing peanuts, which might be slightly annoying to clean out, but rates pretty low on the prank index, especially given their resources.

Here are a few moments that worked better:

(Oh, and because someone rightfully complained that we failed to work in the latest masterstroke of Mike Westhoff surliness, here is a link to Westhoff taking digs at his “dipshit” injured back-up linebackers on the stationary bikes.)

5. Kellen Clemens’ unfathomable sadness

Clemens has been a sad sack the last two episodes. For a while, it was kind of irritating, but now that he’s lost all hope that he’ll ever be anything but a career reserve, a simple comment about trying to do too much on a play bespeaks a delicious resignation within him.

4. “This is so easy, Schotty, you suck!”

The Jets gave playcalling duties to Mark Sanchez for parts of their final preseason game. On their first drive with Nacho making calls, the offense scored a touchdown, prompting Sanchez to tell Brian Schottenheimer that his job is easy and he sucks. Merely light teasing, sure, but I appreciate the mockery of any Schottenheimer.

3. “Instead of needle, call it, uh, dick.”

Like there’s any other immediate association Rex Ryan has with “needle.”

2. Jason Davis’ vow of revenge

Davis was the third fullback on the depth chart in training camp, which pretty much already tells you he’s almost certainly going to be cut. He makes the decision that much easier by very explicitly quitting during practice at the beginning of the episode, thinking that bit of reverse psychology might entice coaches to keep him around longer. When his expected release comes later, he responds by hilariously promising to take it out on the Jets when he gets on with another team. In one sense, it’s kind of sad because I’m sure some players have done stupid things like that and went on to have decent careers, where Davis now has to sulking broadcast all over the league on HBO.

1. The white chocolate Eagle killer little f*cker, Danny Woodhead

Coming into this episode, Danny Woodhead was your run-of-the-mill undersized gritty scrapheap with a white heart full of hustle, but in the finale, he was almost a drawing the best nicknames on the show. Which on its own is enough to get a place on the final roster.

On a final note, I have to give a kudos to HBO and NFL Films for not being YouTube Nazis and forcing these clips down the last five weeks. They very easily could have if they wanted.

This is shaping up to be an eventful episode of Hard Knocks. Not only is there the conclusion of the Revis holdout saga, and the likely celebrations that ensued, but also Tony Richardson’s abrupt release and recapture. Then there’s a decent chance that NFL Films caught Joe McKnight being forcibly anally penetrated by his coach’s foot after McKnight fumbled in the preseason finale against the Eagles that was returned for a touchdown. Let’s just pray its enough content to worse footage of Rex Ryan in the hot tub onto the cutting room floor.

Plus, it can’t be worse than naked Rex in the hot tub next week.

Why would we show that screencap? THE TERRRMINATOR

Without further ado, the five best from episode four…

5. GET OFF MY ASS!

Awww, Kris Jenkins. Freaking out like he’s done prison time.

4. “This Fuggin Bart Guy”

Oh, Mike Pettine, you’ll learn to love Bart Scott yet.

3. That’s Why My Brother Got Rid Of Your Ass

Rex got into it with a Redskins defender who tackled LaDainian hard after a long run. Not good enough to play for Rob Ryan? Ouf. That’s some cold shit, Rex.

However, Mike Westoff sums up my feelings on the Redskins more concisely.

2. FUGGIN SANCHEZ

Nacho shows his mischievous side with a little unicorn ass on your desktop after he didn’t get his special Jets Trapper Keeper like he wanted. Of course, it seems like he knew a little too quickly where to locate said picture. Nevertheless, well done. Also, the Taco Bell hat makes yet another cameo.

1. Let’s Go Eat A Goddamn Snack

Don’t be a slapdick team. Get some goddamn snacks.

Not quite on par with the first week speech, but this one was still pretty special.

The episode description says the Jets visit Hofstra for a scrimmage. Based on the accuracy of last week’s description, I can only assume that Rex takes the team on an exotic pussytubing cruise to Thailand while Mike Westoff cautions against the spread of the resulting STD pandemic.

His crowning achievement.

Once again, it seems like the Rex cussing had been curbed some in this episode. So thanks again, Dungy. Luckily special teams coordinator, cancer survivor and all-around hardass Mike Westoff was around to pick up some of the slack. Here, then, are the five best moments.

5. Brian Jackson’s Gatorade Waterboarding

Them’s the consequences when you get indifferent with Dennis Thurman.

4. “King Ugly” Rookie Night

Specifically, a picture Mark Brunell’s face being taped to the front of a Just For Men box, which really had nothing to do with the proceedings, but was a nice throwaway shot anyway.

However, the skits themselves turned out to be very weird, in kind of a funny-awkward way, but not much beyond that.

3. Second Half Of The Panthers Game

Rex got a little extra chub from this Chauncey Washington hit on a punt return.

Then, there were two fine quotes from what was otherwise a plodding, boring 9-3 game.

2. How Many Feet Are In A Yard?

S-M-R-T! If you ask him about meters, his head will asplode.

1. I Will Cut You Right On The F*cking Field/ Triple F*cking Asian Flu

Ah, bless you, Mike Westoff. Perhaps Rex is hamstrung by media attention from fully embracing his voluble personality, but you will be comically obscene in his stead. For that, we salute you.

Aww, thanks for keeping tally, PK. We knew you were good for something.

Indeed, this episode was a little bit cleaner than the premiere. But that doesn’t mean it was devoid of hilarious moments. Far from it. Whether it was broke-ass Mark Brunell worrying about how his 23-year-old daughter has the hots for Mark Sanchez to Rex making this face when one of the coaches announced they were arrange a fight between Robert Turner and Vernon Gholston in practice to light a fire under Gholston’s worthless ass, there was plenty to work with.

These, however, were the five best in the episode:

5. Nacho estando Nacho

You might figure Bart Scott calling Sanchez “Nacho” in the first episode would be the extent of the overt Mexican stereotyping. Problem is, that fails to take into consideration just how much Sanchise likes to invite it on himself. For example, he wears a Taco Bell hat to meetings with coaches. In the preview of the next episode, teammates are forcing him to explain what Mexican food is.

4. The satisfaction of correct planning is most pleasing to Rex Ryan

Okay, LaDainian looks fine in training camp, but maybe it’s a little too early to feel that satisfied about the acquisition. Nevertheless, that’s an awfully impressive shit-eating grin, coach.

3. Bart Scott’s USC burn

A lot of this episode’s focus was on sniveling, soon-to-be cut running back bitch Joe McKnight, who spent nearly every moment he was on screen falling into the offensive line, getting made fun of or being chewed out by a coach. McKnight came from USC, thus giving fodder for Bart Scott to take a dig at the school’s recent NCAA compliance issues. Perhaps not the most original joke in the world, but it was a nice way of kicking the kid while he was down.

A salute, by the way, is due for Scott. If anyone other than Rex is able to carry a scene in this series, it’s him.

2. The Shake Weights

Punter Steve Weatherford for whatever reason felt he needed to spice things up at practice by having 100 Shake Weights (approximate retail cost: $2,000, plus shipping) delivered to the Jets facility. It’s a TBS Very Funny kind of gag, but if you weren’t brought to laughter by a bunch of NFL players using them (or Tomlinson gyrating his in his face) I don’t want to know you. Though that sense of humor might help to explain why they all went to see Dinner For Schmucks on their day off.

1. Cletus Cromartie’s Litter

Antonio Cromartie PRO TIP: If it takes more than 30 seconds to list all of your children, there’s a fair chance you’ve done some f*cking in your life. All of it unprotected.

Knee-jerk MSM commentators jumped all over the salty language used by Rex Ryan in last week’s Hard Knocks premiere, which forced Dislexy Rexy to publicly pretend like he was concerned by how he came off on the show. His mother scolded him, so he had to apologize to her and agree to take her on another Baltic cruise.

Then, of course, gay-bashing self-appointed moralizer Tony Dungy piped up on the Dan Patrick Show, saying, “Now, I’ve been around f-bombs, so it’s not like it’s new. I just don’t think that has to be part of your every-minute, every day vocabulary to get your point across. It’s hard for me to be around that and, if I were in charge, no, I wouldn’t hire someone like that.”

Well, first off, you’re not hiring for shit, Dungy, so no one cares. Secondly, of course you object, because you’re the antithesis of Rex Ryan, a quiet, emotionless, boring little martinet. And that’s fine. You made it work for you. But different coaches have different styles, both tactically and stylistically. Just because she doesn’t subscribe to your Quiet Strength bullshit doesn’t mean he’s consigned to failure. Rex has had success doing what he’s doing and the fact that players were e-mailing Adam Schefter saying they wish they could play for him means he’s probably not alienating too many while doing it.

Rex’s similarly profane daddy came to his defense. Rex responded to the media by saying Dungy unfairly judged him, right before extending an invite to Jets camp. While that may provide Drew with good fodder for a post, I’ll go ahead and hope that attention-starved Bible-thumper keeps the fu*k out and let Rex go about his mission while doing his thing.

There were more than a few to cull from, but here were the five best moments for us:

5.

Kudos to NFL Films and HBO to get Rex talking shit in the first minute of the broadcast. Leave no doubt whatsoever what we’re getting.

4.

The last thing we want to resort to is using trite Jersey Shore jokes when talking about the Jets, but with the presence of one coach’s spray-on tanner and the fact that both Joe Namath and Woody Johnson were poppin’ collars, well, I’ll just stop before I stray into Eric Stangel territory. Nice old man waist, Patron Saint.

3.

LaToeInjury got a ton of screen time in this episode and some of it was actually favorable. He caught a 70ish yard touchdown pass in practice, by far the high water mark of his season. Also, he got a little poop material from Coach Rex. TIME TO START SHITTING BIKES, SON!

2.

“Does it matter that Revis isn’t here? Goddamn, he’s pretty f*cking good.” So was this speech.

1.

Bart Scott called Mark Sanchez “Nacho”. Further confirmation that KSK doesn’t so much satire NFL players as create their personalities for them. Sure, it’s possible that it was just a coincidence, since Scott has a history of race-based taunts (see: “Soy Sauce” for Hines Ward). Whatever. We saw Rex trolling the ESPN comment boards. HBO and the NFL just wouldn’t let you show KSK. We don’t believe in coincidences. WE BELIEVE IN F*CKING WINS!

Join us, won’t you, for another session of frantic chat commenting while a program plays out on your television screen. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

And so begins a new season of Hard Knocks, in which HBO follows the training camp exploits of the pussytubing, self-proclaimed future Super Bowl champion Jets. So many questions to resolve. How has Mark Sanchez’s poise held up over a long offseason? Will the team agree to trade holdout Darrelle Revis to True Blood to acquire its time slot? Can Santonio Holmes’ wake n’ bake sessions make for compelling television? What’s gets captured by cameras first: Jason Taylor dancing or LaDainian on the stationary bike?

All this and hopefully much more profanity.

Yes, the Jets will be featured on this year’s edition of the HBO training camp series “Hard Knocks” making it the most KSK-friendly choice since the Cowboys and Bengals the last two years. So many subplots: Will Tomlinson struggle to find a new stationary bike that agrees with him? Will Darrelle Revis bring his island? Can Rex convince the HBO producers to do a five-minute montage of his shits?