Despite getting a handful of just horrible, horrible calls in their favor, the Packers were the first home team to drop a game this postseason. Very sad. But also hilarious to the point of gut laughter pain. Those State Farm ads will take on a very plaintive tone over the next week. It was a mixed weekend for teams with superior offenses and wretched defenses. The Saints and Packers, teams that many hoped to meet in the NFC Championship after a memorable Week 1 shootout and a season of putting up huge points, were downed by opponents that could actually bring pressure with their front four.

The Patriots, another team that fits the mold of defensively inept shootout kings, lived to grit it up another week because they ran into a Broncos team wholly unprepared to face a defense that wouldn’t stupidly stack nine in the box against them all game. Luckily, they’ll face Joe Flacco, who couldn’t make a throw today to save anyone’s life, let alone those who Ray Lewis helped kill but escaped serious conviction by ratting out his friends in a plea bargain with the court. The Ravens won’t be quite as stymied offensively next week, as Houston’s defense is far superior to New England’s. This also isn’t the floundering ’09 Pats team that Baltimore came into Foxboro and wiped their ass with in the Wild Card round a week after Wes Welker was lost for the season. The Patriots will put up points and Joe Flacco is actually going to have to do something, anything to keep up. Best of luck, Fu Manchu.

As for the NFC, the Giants will get the heft of the hype this week, by virtue of having felled the seemingly juggernaut droptastic Packers and also just being a team from New York. I wouldn’t bet the Niners will allow Eli to convert 5,000 third downs the way Green Bay’s porous defense did. And the Giants might do something to guard against Vernon Davis running free down the middle of the field. As PK would say, it’s an INTERESTING matchup, except for the potential of Alex Smith regressing to regular Alex Smith.

We’ll have live blogs for both conference championship games next weekend. Until then, I don’t know, get drunk and touch yourself.

You might have heard that the last time a playoff game was hosted at Lambeau Field, Eli Manning and the Giants won to advance to Super Bowl XLII. Well I’m here to tell you that was an elaborately constructed fiction fobbed off on the masses to sell Citizen Eco-Drive watches and Oreo cookies. It was actually Brett Favre who went on to defeat the then-unbeaten Patriots. Yeah, the shocking revelation still isn’t enough to make me tolerate Brittfar or even not wish gruesome tractor accident-related death on him, but at least now you know the truth.

“I say, dearest Mortimer. Victory is less a promise than an assurance this night.”

“That it is, Shadrach. These Nordic marauders haven’t the faintest idea of how to scotch our potent attack.”

“Now there’s an idea! Scotch! Tipples all around! Let us quaff at once in remembrance of this triumph!”

“Be there enough scotch and we shan’t remember much at all.”

“Too true. Too true. Nevertheless, a gentleman simply does not waste scotch of this caliber.”

“Then I will imbibe. For the sake of moderation, I shall await the next home score.”

“Ah, there it is!”

“Very good. Tally ho!”

“Oh, how the other team does doddle with the ball.”

“It is less football than it is skylarkings.”

“It recalls the last time the underclass revolted. How they cried when crushed underfoot.”

“The screams haunt me still.”

“Not I. For a gentleman should enjoy a good suppression from time to time. Keeps him virile.”

“Sound advice. Accordingly, my recommendation is for a great mirth-having at the downfall of our enemies. To hegemony!”

“Capital idea! May their lamentations find comfort in our ear drums.”

[Glasses clink]

Okay, enough with that. We got the blowout we expected. Moving on. Let’s focus on how we’re gonna live blog Tebow getting killed on Thursday. Because tonight wasn’t very pleasant to watch. Gruden didn’t make it any easier by wondering aloud “WHO IS THIS JAMES STARKS?” and not having any idea how the game of football works despite coaching it at its highest level and OH YEAH HE WON A FUCKING SUPER BOWL KILL ME NOW.

Seriously, Tirico goes into a lengthy explanation about how Rodgers doesn’t commit grounding in the end zone because he’s out of the pocket and the throw goes beyond the line of scrimmage. And, like a child wandering into a theater, there’s Gruden not five seconds later shouting WAIT THERE’S NO RECEIVER OVER THERE. Tirico, with the patience of Job, has to correct him again, which prompts the most Gruden response ever: “There’re a lot of rules.”

That probably took five years off my life. In which case, gotta get busy living, so I won’t bother setting up these screencaps of fat, obnoxious, holier-than-thou Cheesetards.

Oh yeah, this last one. The Packers fluffing was so intense that they trotted out some decrepit season ticket holder from the last 50+ years. Tirico gushed that she used to go bowling with Ray Nitschke’s sister. DOIN’ IT THE RIGHT WAY EXPRESS, COMIN’ THROUGH. What I wouldn’t give for Bill Murray to shove her ass over and tell her Nitschke was a pussy.

The Vikings gave the Packers a shockingly competitive contest when the teams met in Minnesota three weeks back. Of course, now that the game is in Green Bay and – more importantly – because we’re live blogging it, expect a minimum five-touchdown Cheesehead rout. Last week, Charles Woodson told Mike Silver that the Packers openly talk about the prospect of going 19-0, a move that flies in the face of proper conduct as laid down by DER GOTT OF FOOTBALL JINXERY.

Such discussion has apparently upset Leslie Frazier, whose brilliant idea it was to punt the ball away on a 4th down in the final minutes in the first meeting rather than have his offense try for the lead. Frazier said this week that it’s the Vikings’ goal to end the Packers talk of an undefeated season. Yeah, and it’s my goal to have sex with Kat Dennings on the surface of the sun. Best of luck on your mission, Leslie.

Tonight’s offering is a rematch of last year’s divisional round playoff game, which the Packers won by roughly 3,000 points. Roddy White said after the loss that he still thought the Falcons were the superior team, which was hilarious then and still is now. But who knows? Maybe Rodgers will get hurt and Matt Flynn will get knocked out and then Atlanta can prevail, thus giving Matt Ryan another Cris Collinsworth-dubbed signature victory, like when the Falcons beat the Eagles after Vick got injured. Anyway, let’s all hope Green Bay can be comfortably ahead in time for the “Breaking Bad” finale at 10.

Green Bay Packer Sam Sheilds decided to get a tattoo of his Super Bowl ring, and just to make sure you could see it, he had it arranged on the left side of his neck.

Way to go, Sam. You can kiss that job on Wall Street goodbye.

Via Shutdown Corner.

Finally, after a two week run-up that featured such prepossessing storylines as Hines Ward going to a strip club, Ben Roethlisberger singing “Piano Man” at a bar and a bunch of injured Packers players being upset for being excluded, then included with criticism, into a team photo, we finally have a football game to a decide a champion.

Green Bay fans also spent the break cribbing all the Steelers fan traditions that people find obnoxious. A Titletown Towel has been produced for the game by the same company that manufactures The Terrible Towel. Lil’ Wayne, who claims both the Packers and his hometown Saints as his teams, remixed “Black and Yellow” with the predictable enough title “Green and Yellow.” He makes sure to take a shot at Steelers corner Ike Taylor, who also hails from New Orleans. Clearly it’s all about Green Bay pride for Weezy.

No doubt nearly everyone who isn’t a Steelers fan is rooting against Pittsburgh getting a debatably dynastic third Super Bowl title in six years for any number of reasons, not the least of which is Ben Roethlisberger. A Steelers win would produce a bunch of facile and annoying Roethlisberger “redemption” stories, followed by twice as many indignant and contrarian pieces about how saying anything even halfway complimentary about Roethlisberger ignores the unforgettable evil of two rape allegations that produced no criminal charges. As if anyone actually forgot that they happened. Meanwhile, every outlet save Jezebel has been content to ignore that the Packers have on their roster an alleged rapist who is still being investigated. But don’t let Brandon Underwood ruin your wholesome anti-rapist rooting interest, America.

A Green Bay victory would stick in the Ol’ Dongslinger’s craw and make his lone career Super Bowl victory that much less impressive, which would be nice. But that line of reasoning neglects that Favretard Green Bay fans gleefully enabled that prima donna asshole for years and years without compunction. 80 percent of them would still accept him as starter tomorrow even if Rodgers wins today. That’s not gonna be enough to sway anyone to back the Steelers, but just something to think about when you see five million fat cheeseheads imitate Rodgers’ title belt celebration if the Pack wins.

Oh, and this very well might be the last meaningful scab-free NFL game until 2012. You should probably make the most of it.

Submitted for your ridicule: “Teach Me How to Raji” by ‘Sconsin Sag District.

via

It was quite the week for NFL-related errors in newspaper headlines. As you can see above, the Green Bay Press-Gazette misspelled Chicago on its front page, which is either an extremely careless error or a roundabout means of trash talk (“Geddit? Chi-COCK-O!”). This came days after an inattentive copy editor at The Times-Picayune neglected to replace the dummy text in a headline for a story about the Jets-Patriots game last Sunday.

Either that, or the paper distributes a special edition for dyslexics. This would be the version Rex Ryan bought.

The big scandal in the run-up to the NFC championship is that the game will feature Terry McAulay, the head referee of the officiating crew that flagged the Packers an astounding 18 times when the two teams played on Monday night in Chicago in Week 3. Of course, the rest of the ref crew will be different. And, if memory serves, the grand majority of the calls against Green Bay in the first meeting of the season weren’t particularly egregious. Sometimes, it’s possible that one team just committed more mistakes. There’s no rule that infractions and penalty yards need be perfectly level each week. [Gets shouted down by several thousand irate fans screaming about referee conspiracies.]

Oh, and this is pretty badass. Now I finally understand the “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me” prize of getting Carl Kasell recording your message on your voicemail.