Read the rest of this entry »

While sharks get all the love on the internet, dolphins are often an afterthought. No more, friends. For if we sleep on these marine mammals any longer they will surely rise up and rule us with an iron flipper (Treehouse of Horror XI was a warning). Scoff if you must, but it’s happening faster than you think. Hell, they’re already mastering the iPad. By next week they very well could have those things playing Flash videos.

Once these creatures figure out how to leave the water for land we’re all doomed. And you know what? They’re getting pretty close.

Read the rest of this entry »

Today’s short-handed mock draft focuses on the routine tasks we loathe so very much. Each of the four of us who were available picked one task that we could assign to a personal servant for the rest of our lives. The draft order is as follows…

1. Ape
2. Ufford
3. Flubby
4. KOGOD

The results are after the jump. Add your picks in the comments, always waiting ten selections before going again.

Note: Your servant is not allowed to commit felonies on your behalf, so you’ll have to continue doing your own wet work.

Read the rest of this entry »

Today we’re drafting books that should be made into movies. For the purposes of the draft we’ll consider any and all book that has never been adapted for the screen. If the title is categorized by IMDB as in pre-production it will be considered off-limits, whereas titles that are merely in development will be fair game. And yes, graphic novels are eligible as well.

The draft order is as follows…

1. Punte
2. Ape
3. Drew
4. UM
5. Uff

Flubby was unable to participate this week due to other obligations, but we’re comfortable in our assumption that he would have drafted A Confederacy of Dunces, Searching for the Sound: My Life with the Grateful Dead, and Tales from the 1980 Louisville Cardinals. Falco was unable to participate this week due to diarrhea. We have absolutely no clue what he would have drafted.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hooray! It’s the mailbag! And it’s also April Fool’s Day, which means that I was very tempted to write an introduction to the mailbag, then put a picture of donkey porn under the jump and answer none of your questions. It would have been a lot more fun and saved me a couple hours of work, but I didn’t do it.

…OR DID I?

No, I didn’t, but you should be warned that there’s some pixelated nudity below. Technically safe for work, but not as safe as that picture of a dog humping a tiger.

Read the rest of this entry »

Here we are again. Due to a large number of compelling questions — some of them left over from last week –  this mailbag tips the scales at 5300+ words, which isn’t quite Easterbrookian, but is definitely walking in Simmons territory. So let’s dispense with the introduction and get right to it. This is gonna be a long haul.

Read the rest of this entry »

Longtime Redskins radio broadcaster Frank Herzog is making the retirement rounds, and yesterday he was on WTOP when John Riggins asked him about his favorite memory from years spent covering the Redskins. Not surprisingly, Dexter Manley was involved.

“My favorite memory from Redskins Park was Dexter Manley doing a live shot one day for Paul Berry on Channel 7. And it was cold, a winter day. And he was wearing a gorgeous fur coat. And Paul Berry said, ‘Well, Dexter, that’s a beautiful fur coat.’

Read the rest of this entry »

The Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame tried for the second time to induct Al Davis into their pantheon of localized sports greatness, only for Count Al to blow them off once again and not show up for the ceremony without telling anyone first. That left John Madden to present and accept the award on his behalf, all the while explaining that Davis is simply a misunderstood megalomaniac who really only has the best interests for your discarded entrails at heart.

Though Davis wasn’t at the ceremony Monday, don’t think he doesn’t care. Displayed with each inductee’s plaque is a brief biography written by a sportswriter. When BASHOF sent Davis his bio for inspection, a courtesy aimed at correcting errors, Davis rejected it and asked that it be completely rewritten by a different writer.

“You call this hagiography? BAH! Get me that Theodore Dreiser fellow. Now there’s a scribe who could make Dengue fever as popular as Audie Murphy.”

NFL star displays questionable judgment in Georgia. Dolphins running Ronnie Brown back was in Georgia this weekend when he was pulled over for changing lanes without signaling. OUTRAGE! The police haven’t come right out and said that Brown was drunk, although he “did not perform well” during a field sobriety test. But hey, if it he really was drunk then one might say he performed admirably. Brown was booked on suspicion of DUI, and honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for suspicion of chemistry? Do they? [Miami Herald]

Chad Henne should probably stop talking for a while. Elsewhere in the Land of Dolphins, quarterback Chad Henne chimed in on another player’s worth. This time around his comments weren’t critical, although they probably should have been. Henne was talking to the Miami Herald about newly signed offensive lineman/perpetual penalty machine Richie Incognito when he said, “We want a guy in there that’s going to go hard every play. He’s definitely going to help out our offensive line and open up the competition.” As soon as the words were out of Henne’s mouth Incognito headbutted one Herald reporter while allowing another to sack Henne for a 10 yard loss.

Rex Ryan is hungry. “I’d kill to eat something right now,” Rex Ryan said as dozens of woodland creatures fled for higher ground. [Fifth Down Blog]

Dan Snyder landed himself a marquee coach to go with his new GM, and the trio was out celebrating last night. It wasn’t long before the local media showed up to greet the new coach (just like last time) with cameras rolling. That means it’s time for another edition of the “Inside a Tailgate Classy Steak Dinner” series.

0:01 – Ooh, The Palm. It’s the place to see and be seen. I hope Mr. Snyder remembered his 837 card.

Read the rest of this entry »