Hi, folks! I’m Alonzo Spellman, former defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears and star of the new direct to DVD documentary “Alonzo Spellman Strangles A Nun”. You might remember me from the time I began speaking in tongues when I played on special teams, or the time I tried to mummify my wife while she was still alive. CLOVES WILL MAKE YOU SMELL GOOD UNDERGROUND, DEAR.

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