This picture is worth a thousand $25 million Brentwood mansions.

The Super Bowl, you guys. It came after all. You feared you’d never get to see commercials with chimps dressed as stewardesses headbutting random men in the dick to sell car insurance. Now you will! Plus Twitter gets to explode by the end of the first quarter. Maybe the whole Internet, too, because the game is being streamed online for the first time. The American dream is still alive. Take that, terrorist commie invading alien clown frauds.

We survived two weeks of Gronkowski ankle updates, Bill Simmons bitching in advance about the Giants faking injuries to slow the Greatriots offense, profiles of Belichick’s shadowy inner circle and examinations of whether another Super Bowl ring will push Brady or Eli into the list of greatest living presidents. Also, fans sublimated their big game anticipation into concentrated stupid thing energy.

And what Super Bowl run-up could be complete without BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL OF ANCIENT MAYAN DOOM. It looked bleak for morons bleating about superstition until this morning when Chris Canty tweeted a prediction that the Giants would win 28-17. Finally, someone to blame when the karma gods invoke their new age wrath on the Giants.

Hope you didn’t bet the over on the prop bet for shots of Peyton Manning during the game, because from the looks of ESPN’s pregame coverage, Ol’ Battleship is taking in Super Bowl XLII.2 from his Gatorade Is It In You™ NeckAIDS Fallout Bunker deep beneath the city.

So let’s do this. The official KSK position is that this Super Bowl matchup is only worthwhile if the Patriots lose, but it can be a closely contested game, preferably with a huge momentum-swinging play that makes Simmons issue poorly veiled complaints for the next decade. And while this Brady Photoshop is admirable, I can’t support the underlying sentiment or bad comic book movies.

By the way, for this live blog, we’re introducing commenter achievements and badges. Rolling out two today: one for any signed-in reader who comments on a live blog and another for any who share via Facebook or Twitter. Peter King says many movie buffs won’t know the “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!” came from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but then they aren’t real movie fans.

Mom and dad said the reason to take pictures is because things change and you want to remember them as they are. Or because you see something amazing and want to hold onto it forever. People take a lot of pictures of my mom and dad. Someone said it’s because they are beautiful people. Even if I didn’t believe every single thing I hear to be the absolute truth because I’m an infant with a highly malleable brain, I’m not so sure I would doubt that. Granted, I have very limited frame of reference with which to determine where my parents fall of the scale of overall attractiveness, but when I see them, I feel good inside. That must mean they are beautiful.

Is the thing that dangles between my legs beautiful? Recently, yet another person was taking a picture of my beautiful mom and my beautiful dad. Is that because they are so fantastically beautiful that people cannot help themselves? Or does it mean that beautiful things don’t stay beautiful forever? Will my parents become ugly? I don’t know. That’s a scary thought. Nevertheless, mom and dad became upset when they found out that my dangle leg was included in a photo of them that people saw.

Why does this upset them? Dangle leg is part of me. Does that mean I am ugly? The picture snappers have taken photos of me before and it didn’t seem to upset mom like now. Is it just dangle leg that is ugly? Ugly is bad because ugly things are not loved. Love is important to me. I’m not sure why, exactly. But if I feel I am not loved, I cry out uncontrollably. I won’t stop until the feeling of love returns. I can stay up all night until this happens. The need possesses me. When it is satisfied, only then can I function again or be at peace. There are times when I think I need love more than food. But then I get hungry and I rethink that.

It is clear to me now that dangle leg is ugly and will keep me from being loved. I tried to remove dangle leg by pulling on it, but that does not work. I tried and I tried and I experienced pain. Usually, when I have pain, I stop what I am doing immediately, but this is important. I need love and dangle leg will stop me from getting love. Eventually, the pain became too great. I guess I have no choice but to live with dangle leg, this ugly thing, even though my parents hate it and wish to hide it from the world. That must be why they dress me in things that hide dangle leg. I will make sure they keep it hidden. That they themselves won’t see it. I love my beautiful mom and beautiful dad. All I want is their love.

Please love me even though I have a dangle leg.

There’s been so much talk about this game that I’m actually anticipating the game being over more than I am the game being played. But the tabloids would have us believe that this is the MOAST IMPAHTANT GAME EVAH, and no one’s going to tell them otherwise. Not you, not you, and not you!

Prediction: bitches gon’ get pregnant.

Considering ESPN couldn’t even hide its contempt for having to broadcast Niners-Cardinals last week, it’s a week and a half of nonstop build up for this game. The Jets took the first meeting in September, but truth be told, that’s probably the most impressive the Jets have looked so far this season. Style points don’t matter so long as you get to 9-2, but it just seems like the Pats have been playing better overall the last two months.

With Randy Moss no longer a Greatriot, it’s unclear just who Darrelle Revis will cover, let alone accuse of being a slouch once he shuts them down. The Pats have been mostly content lately to spread it around to Welkah, Jewkah, Woodhead, token dahhhkie Branch and their small armada of pass catching tight ends.

No doubt Bill Belichick is already on top of it, but I think I stumbled onto Rex’s pussytubing signal during the game against the Bengals on Thanksgiving. Looks like he’s calling for an aggressive tubing on that one.

TOM BRADY IS HEP TO ALL THE HAPPENIN’ THREADS As we discovered yesterday in the weekly column by Tom Brady’s publicist, Peter King, the Dreamboat recently changed his endorsement deal from Nike to Under Armour. Was it because UA offered him a f*ckton of money and tons of shares in the company? No way, Tom Brady is just committed to what’s real on the streets.

“It’s what so many of the kids are wearing, and I like to try to stay cutting-edge.”

Word life. While all you lamers still think No Fear and Big Dogs shirts are the flavor of the week, Tom Brady knows better. He’s five minutes ahead of the latest trends. Brady knows no self-respecting kid steps out of the house without the most moisture wickingest shit they got. In other news, JET Moynahan just received an entire wardrobe of Nike onesies.

You know, I’ve spewed tons of hate on Tom Brady over the years, but I really have to hand it to the guy for how much he likes to piss off Patriots fans with his sports rivalry blasphemy off the field. He wears Yankees hats in public. He pals around with Kobe Bryant when the Lakers are playing the Celtics. And now he’s stated in no uncertain terms that the Jets have more passionate and loyal fans than the Patriots do, because he’s upset that a bunch of Greatriots fans left the team’s Week 1 drubbing of the Bungles prematurely. He’s a Canadiens jersey away from completing the sweep (It’s in the mail, Tom).

Oh yeah, and apparently Brady has also upset a bunch of whiny do-gooder types because it turns out the car he crashed last week was a $97,000 gift from a charity. It’s hilarious to imagine that he’s done all this as bad of an ongoing streak of pointlessly evil deeds to enrage everyone in the Boston area. Though if that were true, it’d be better if he smashed it into a Dunkin’ Donuts.

We called for a Photoshop contest, and you readers stepped up to the challenge. Tyler drew inspiration from the work of Miguel Calderon (NSFW painting at the end of the post). Continue after the jump for the rest of the notable submissions, as well as the ultimate winner.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a Monday morning in early June. Other than Drew’s impending mockery of Peter King’s prattlings, there’s not a whole lot even worthy of our warmed-over ridicule. LaToeInjury adding a macho calf tattoo to honor his newest employer? Yawnyawnyawnyawnyawnyawnyawn. Some scrub on the Packers keeping the NFL offseason o’ sexual assault allegations humming? Those are all well and good, but they aren’t exactly prime KSK material.

Not like a picture of Tom Brady showing off the tardface in a charity bike event benefiting Boston-area tards. I’m sorry, that’s wrong. The preferred term is TAAAAAHHHHHHDDDDSSS.

British-driving Toonces might not be mentally disabled, but he really should be wearing a helmet while operating the Power Wheels Hummer.

An uncomfortable pat on the ass to reader Barry for the Brady picture.

Needs more wood.

Gisele and Tom Brady reportedly paid $11 million alone for the lot, which as the New York Daily News shows in a series of photos, is within only a single helicopter panorama of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s home in Ridiculousland, California. Probably a decent location, but neither of those have anything on palatial KOGOD Bethesda estate. It’s got a fireplace!

How does a megastar Dreamboat who’s got it all celebrate the construction of his fully armed and operational luxury station? Natch – by being chill dad bros with another sexy sports star who has seen the peak of his career pass him by.

See, Brady just proved you can in fact be an NFL quarterback with a mullet and not be a rapist.