Kissing Suzy Kolber » giant white people http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Fri, 10 Feb 2012 19:23:43 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Like Green Bay Residents Need Instructions On Being Fat http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/01/like-green-bay-residents-need-instructions-on-being-fat.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/01/like-green-bay-residents-need-instructions-on-being-fat.html#comments Fri, 28 Jan 2011 16:31:57 +0000 Christmas Ape http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=34407

Submitted for your ridicule: “Teach Me How to Raji” by ‘Sconsin Sag District.

via

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2011/01/like-green-bay-residents-need-instructions-on-being-fat.html/feed 54 Yapcunt Regional: No. 2 Giant vs. No. 7 PackerTALE O’ THE TAPE http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/yapcunt-regional-no-2-giant-vs-no-7.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/yapcunt-regional-no-2-giant-vs-no-7.html#comments Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:40:00 +0000 flubby http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/yapcunt-regional-no-2-giant-vs-no-7-packertale-o-the-tape.html

This matchup might appear to be one-sided on paper: Brobdingnagian versus lowly abattoir wage slave. But before you jump to any rash conclusions, remember Andre was only slightly larger than your average steer. Plus, they know how to get rid of the bodies. Incidentally, this bracket is only more fucked up than my NCAA one (thanks, Temple and Georgia).

Poll is on the sidebar to the right. Voting is open until the end of today.

Contestant

Packer ______ Giant

Slogan

Beef: it’s what’s for dinner ___________ OBEY

Distinction that sounds less cool the more you think about it

Feeds nation that consumes 28 billion lbs of meat a year __France’s best-known athlete

Unlikely ally

Upton Sinclair _____ The Million Dollar Man

Unintended legacy

Trite, yet enduring, “meat packing” double entendres __ Gheorge Muresan made a movie

Occupational hazard

Squalid working conditions amid tons of diseased carcasses ___ ditto

Finishing move and notable copier of said move

Captive bolt gun to skull (Anton Chigurh) __ Massive heart attack (Ken Lay)

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/03/yapcunt-regional-no-2-giant-vs-no-7.html/feed 24 Better Know a Draft Pick: Joe Thomas http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/03/better-know-draft-pick-joe-thomas.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/03/better-know-draft-pick-joe-thomas.html#comments Tue, 20 Mar 2007 12:10:00 +0000 Unsilent Majority http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/03/better-know-a-draft-pick-joe-thomas.html Welcome to the first latest installment of KSK’s newest series, Better Know a Draft Pick. We’ll lead up to April’s draft by giving you all the pertinent info you’ll need on the next generation of future salary cap casualties.

I’m coming for you Mr. Ham!

Name: Joe “Wonderbread” Thomas

Height: Somewhere between Alando Tucker and Brian Butch
Weight: When he got on the digital scale it started leaking battery acid

Urine Test: Velveeta
Stool Sample: Corn. Lots of corn.

Mainstream Comparison: Jonathan Ogden
KSK Comparison: Michael Lewis’ recurring wet dream (not to be confused with his other recurring wet dream featuring a nude Tabitha Soren traipsing around the Oakland A’s locker room).

Who Wants Him: David Carr’s bruised ass
Who Will Take Him: Some shitty team that wants to bore their fans

Hobbies: Basting fat chicks in the tub
Favorite Food: Miracle Whip sandwiches and his salt lick
Favorite Expression: Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum

Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: He once ate the corpse of his uncle Dave after defeating the Wendy’s founder in a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger eating contest.

Immediate Impact: Seismic
Down the Road: Dementia pugilistica and robot legs…not a bad trade-off

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