There can be only one.

O HAI GUYS, remember Super Bowl XLII? Feels like ESPN has hardly made any mention of it.

Anyhoo, the marquee game for the late open thread is the matchup between the Giants and Patriots, who face off for the first time since Eli Manning and David Tyree proved the existence of God. Here’s the full slate:

Denver @ Oakland ★
Cincinnati @ Tennessee ★
NY Giants @ New England ★★★★
Green Bay @ San Diego ★★★
St. Louis @ Arizona (*queef*)

The New York Giants were awarded their Super Bowl Rings last night in a plush ceremony at Tiffany & Co. Meanwhile, a continent away, Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis commemorated his teams’ 2007 campaign my handing out cans of Dinty Moore® Beef Stew. The ritzy Manhattan affair was marked by a regal blue carpet leading to the famed jeweler’s front door. While on the west coast, Raiders owner announced the stew giveaway via an index card thumb-tacked to the bulletin board at the OTAs.

The rings, designed with input from the players, are worth an estimated $25,000 each. Said Eurydice Kleinschmidt, Special Project Coordinator for Tiffany’s, “This isn’t just a Super Bowl victory, it’s a New York Super Bowl victory. Everything has got to be bigger, brighter more exciting.” Davis scored the Dinty Moore for $7.99 per case. Floor Manager Gregg Sekelski of the Fremont Costco explained, “A few cases of the Dinty Moore fell off the forklift today. Some of the cans were dented, so we thought we’d have to throw them away. Fortunately this creepy old guy in old lady’s glasses bought them right up.”

“Winning a championship is great and all. But once you put that ring on your finger, it’s a whole other story,” gushed linebacker Kawika Mitchell. Davis was equally enthusiastic about his prize, “Stew keeps the boys from gettin’ the consumption or hip gout. Silly cabin haystack carburetor.”

Allow Me to Retort’s submission in our Manning-to-Tyree-play naming contest was the overwhelming winner. So enamored are we of The Giant Snatch that we’re dedicating this post to its coinage, hopefully prompting the name to gain cultural currency or at least a high placement on Google.