It’s eight days until the Chargers open their season against the even more rapidly disintegrating Raiders (who in the last 24 hours have cut their best quarterback and traded a future 1st round pick to the Patriots for a 30-year-old slightly above average defensive end with one year left on his contract) but Rapeasaurus is already in midseason form, getting a battery charge – which sounds so appropriate for a Charger – for [dons responsible blogger pants] allegedly [removes pants] choking and “restraining” (I think that’s legalese for stuffing her in a cat carrier) unexplainable celebrity Tila Tequila. Man, Jeff Reed’s gonna be pissed about Merriman messing with his girl.

So that’s a fun development for a team that Vegas is now giving better odds to win the Super Bowl than the defending champs. This was supposed to be the one non-clusterfu-k in the AFC West!

UPDATE: The San Diego Union Tribune is reporting that Tequila wasn’t seriously hurt, so I guess the Gigantosaur at least didn’t choke her that hard. C’mon, it’s not even a crime unless you do it at full strength.

(puerta flies open)

Mi amigos. Gay Zorro believes in justice for all la gente! And if Gay Zorro wants to head down to the Castro district and put his churro into Juanito’s hoyo de feliz, that is Gay Zorro’s right, and the right of all los hijos de Santa Cruz!

(shoots z-shaped semen stain onto pool boy’s polo shirt)

GAY ZORRO WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ALL THE GAY PEOPLE! VAMANOS, LOS QUEERIOS!