For this week’s mock draft you’ll be selecting an indulgent food, beverage, or other consumable that you would want to make “healthy” through the power of magic. The first pick is a no-brainer, so I’ll just go ahead and take beer off of the board. Now I can be just like Bender, drinking all day and night without having to worry about my liver turning all cirrhosis-y. If I could just get somebody to weld me a shiny metal ass I’d be in business.

Make your pick(s) in the comment section, but remember to wait ten picks before selecting again. And let’s all try to not draft bacon over and over.

For this weeks’ commenter draft we’re delving back into the world of film. Your job is to draft bad scenes that you would excise from otherwise awesome movies. We’ll start things off for you with Drew’s suggested pick, Butch and Fabienne’s bedroom scene from Pulp Fiction.

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Welcome to another glorious Friday on the internet. For today’s commenter mock draft we’ll be examining the most badass characters in film. Specifically you’ll be drafting the one movie character you’d want to have your back in a street fight. For the sake of the draft we’re limiting the scope to flesh-and-blood humans who lack super-powers. So if you were to draft the Terminator, for example, I would not hesitate to edit your comment to make you look like a filthy pedophile. I’m tough, but completely unfair. Note: Once someone is selected all of the actor’s other characters are off teh board.

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Now that the NFL Draft has come and gone it’s time to hand the Friday Mock Drafts over to you, the reader. This week’s draft topic is inspired by a behind-the-scenes argument between members of KSK over whether Popeye’s is a better fast food option than Burger King. It is. By a lot. But what of all the other fast food options lurking out there? That’s where you come in. Everyone is free to draft their favorite fast food establishment in the comment section, but please, play by the rules*.

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Welcome to the final KSK Mock Draft before the actual 2009 NFL Draft. For this week’s installment we’ll be drafting party scenes from film that we would like to have attended. There are no real rules for this draft, although the party you select has to be an actual party with guests other than yourself and some naked chick (oh, and no porn).

Once a party from a particular film has been drafted all other parties from that film are off the board. The order is as follows.

1. Punte
2. Ape
3. Drew
4. Unsilent
5. Ufford
6. Flubby

It should be noted that Random.com’s list randomizing feature hates Flubby for some reason. It’s probably a Kentucky fan. Continue after the jump for the results, then play along in the comments.

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For this week’s mock draft we’re selecting articles of clothing that when picked will disappear forever. To kick things off we’ve invited our dear friend George Will to throw out the ceremonial “first pitch” in this draft. George, the stage is yours.

I. George Will- Denim Jeans

Denim is the carefully calculated costume of people eager to communicate indifference to appearances. But the appearances that people choose to present in public are cues from which we make inferences about their maturity and respect for those to whom they are presenting themselves.

Wow. So what you’re saying is that you’re a dick?

Do not blame Levi Strauss for the misuse of Levis.

Blaming the Jew isn’t really my style.

When the Gold Rush began, Strauss moved to San Francisco planning to sell strong fabric for the 49ers’ tents and wagon covers. Eventually, however, he made tough pants, reinforced by copper rivets, for the tough men who knelt on the muddy, stony banks of Northern California creeks, panning for gold.

GRRRRR!

Today it is silly for Americans whose closest approximation of physical labor consists of loading their bags of clubs into golf carts to go around in public dressed for driving steers up the Chisholm Trail to the railhead in Abilene.

Hey, I may love jeans, but that doesn’t mean I wear them to play golf. That would be uncouth.

This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don’t wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.

Thank God, because I look great in a top hat. It’s a timeless look, really.

A confession: The author owns one pair of jeans. Wore them once. Had to.

Didn’t want to. Felt I owed it to them.

Continue after the jump for the actual draft.

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For this week’s draft we’re selecting historical events we would like to witness firsthand. This draft encompasses all the world’s history going back to the advent of the written word (roughly 8,000 years ago). The one important stipulation is that nothing you do can change the event or alter history in any way. This means no traveling back to the time and place of Hitler’s birth and stomping the life out of his tiny newborn body in front of his horrified parents.

Draft order is as follows…

1. Ape
2. Punter
3. Unsilent
4. Ufford
5. Flubby
6. Drew

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This week’s draft is a twist on an old classic. You’re drafting a singular super power from a fictional character, though not their entire catalog of abilities. Also, you must take on their appearance. Again, we’re lazy slugabeds who only got through one round, leaving commenters more opportunity to ignore the rules make picks.

Ufford’s explanationAll right, you get to have one power from a fictional character from comics, literature, TV, or the movies. Once a character has been used, s/he is off the board. (For example, if you want Wolverine’s retractable claws, no one can claim his healing powers.) Once a specific power shared by many characters has been drafted (i.e. flight or super strength), it’s off the board. And if you draft a power that is connected to appearance, you also get that appearance as well (see: The Thing, Incredible Hulk).

1. Ape
2. Maj
3. flub
4. drew
5. Punter
6. Uff

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For this week’s mock draft we’re selecting the man (or woman) we would want to put our life story on film. You can select any “behind the camera” type you’d like, with the exception of animators. That leaves you free to pick your favorite writers, directors, and/or producers who will in turn be responsible for crafting your very own biopic.

Draft order is as follows…

1. Drew
2. Flubby
3. KOGOD
4. Punte
5. Ufford
6. Ape

Am I forgetting anything? Oh yes, anyone drafting Michael Bay will be blown up in a completely unnecessary explosion. Let the drafting commence.

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I tried watching Monday Night RAW this week and I couldn’t get through a half hour of the thing. I stopped watching wrestling after high school and it certainly wasn’t because I did any growing up. Wrasslin’ got shitty in a hurry when Vince McMahon bought everybody out. But we recall the good days fondly, so we did a draft of which wrestler we’d most like to be.

The rules, according to Punte: “You are drafting a professional wrestler to emulate in the ring, as well as in life. Your selection must be involved or have been involved in a relatively prominent nationwide wrestling promotion. No more than one incarnation of the same wrestler may be selected (eg: you can draft Terry Taylor, or the Red Rooster, but not both, and once one is gone, so is the other).”

There goes my Kane/Fake Diesel/Issac Yankem, DDS, sweep!

The line-up, snake-order as always.

1. Maj
2. Ape
3. Flub
4. Drew
5. PUNTE

Ufford abstained, claiming that he’s always hated pro wrestling, so we gave him John Cena because of his tour de force performance in The Marine.

JUST RING THE DAMN BELL ALREADY!
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