Bruce Arians: All right, Bruce. Think for a moment. Dick LeBeau always gets the credit for being the genius coordinator on this team. They all want to blame you for the playoff loss to Jacksonville. But here’s where you’re gonna show ‘em. You’re gonna put their doubts to rest, their minds at ease, their pants at knee level. By gum, you’re gonna dazzle ‘em!

Arians: Okay Ben. We had a pretty good first drive, but this is what I’m thinking for the rest of the game.

Ben Roethlisberger: GLUG GLUG GLUG

Arians: I’m gonna need you to stop drinking for a moment and pay attention, Ben.

Roethlisberger: HOKAY

Arians: They’re bringing the house on every single down. Rather than counteract that with some runs or screen passes or quick slants, I say we play directly into their hands. It’s just daring enough to work. What do you think?

Roethlisberger: YOU’RE THE COACH, COACH

Arians: Yes. Yes I am, aren’t I?

Arians: All right, guys. Our QB is taking a lot of heat. So I’m gonna need you to run a bunch of fly patterns that take forever to develop.

Hines Ward: All you sule, Alien? That sound rike exact long thing to do.

Arians: Look, dammit, don’t question me. I’m the coach. THE coach.

Nate Washington: Eh, I’ll drop it no matter what you call.

Arians: That’s what I like to hear, Nate. Way to be a team player.

Hines: It youl funelar…

Arians: Phew. Okay. Good. Okay. I think we’re gonna be aaaallllllll right.

Arians: Shit.

Hines: Tord you so.

Roethlisberger: ME HAS THE SAD. AND THE HURT. NEEDS CHOCO TACO.