When a former offensive coordinator who can’t coach offense and a head coach with no grasp on clock management get together, it makes you wonder how these two clowns aren’t working for Jim Johnson. It’s their second meeting since Brad Childress took the Vikings job, but now it’s with their seasons on the line (seasons that started with very high hopes, plummeted to the Earth, then still somehow resulted in playoff spots). WHO YA GOT?

What’s that? I get to start? Me?

HOLY SHIT! THAT IS AWESOME! I WASN’T EVEN PLANNING TO BE IN THE LEAGUE THIS YEAR! I WAS GONNA GO SAILING!

It just goes to show you, if you work hard, and if the guy in front of you displays no acumen for the position whatsoever, that you can get your opportunity to be barely adequate! NICE! I’m so fucking jazzed, I just wanna… I GOTTA BASH MY HEAD INTO SOMETHING!

/bashes head into wall

Oooh, ow, I think I just got a stinger in my right arm. I feel a little woozy.

I can’t see out of one eye now.

But whatever! Frerotte’s ready frire some frucking passes!

Are you telling me that this year’s playoffs will not feature F–k Da Eagles Heather? Well, that is a true American tragedy. I don’t even know how we even begin to recover. The Federal government hasn’t given us ANY sort of guidance on this. There are thousands of football fans stranded out there, with no tits in sight. Who will come to their rescue? Who will provide them with the support, preferably and ample B cup or higher, that they so desperately need?

This is a call to all you mildly attractive female football fans of this year’s playoff teams out there. You need to pick da team that you think should get fucked. Then, you must visibly demonstrate on your chest your commitment to da principle that da team you pick deserves good, hard fucking. Then you need to get yourself on FOX. They say they don’t condone that sort of thing. But really, they can’t get enough of it. They love it when fans want one team to fuck another.

So hurry, with all due diligence. We need it. Please help.