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Welcome to the Friday Five, our unimaginitively-named Friday afternoon post where we provide you with five things the KSK staff is looking forward to this coming weekend. It was a tough week of empty balloon watching and SkiFree reminiscing, but we made it through intact. And these next two days are our reward. Why, there are actually good games this weekend. A showdown of unbeaten teams! A face-off between the faggy purple-clad franchises! Stacy Andrews-Tom Cable punching spree! And so much more!

This week, what we’re looking looking forward to most is…

1. The grisly death of Trent Edwards

The Bills are likely to be starting three rookie linemen Sunday against Rex Ryan’s blitz-crazed Pussytubers, who are already pissed about getting pushed around by the Dolphins. So I hope you haven’t gotten very attached to Trent Edwards (surely someone has) because he’s about to fulfill the Carson Palmer Prophecy of a dead NFL player.

2. Browns fan buffoonery!

The Steelers take aim at a 12th straight victory against the Browns. While the game is in Pittsburgh, scenes of Cleveland fan carnage, as presented below, won’t be as much in evidence. But you know by Mistake by the Lake-side, no Port-O-Pottie roof can go unoccupied. The man in the Tom Tupa jersey forbids it!

3. Unauthorized Sexy Friday Redux.

Without so much as getting the express written consent of either WithLeather overload/clown drinking companion Punte or any of the other members of Kkake Incorporated, WL fill-in Weed Against Speed has taken it upon himself to resurrect Sexy Friday JUST THIS ONCE. What a clever little upstart you are, Weed. Expect a sternly worded letter, sir. Written on your chest with a knife. Meanwhile those upstanding corporate NBC folk have a gallery of cheerleaders in Halloween costumes.

4. Keeping a wide berth from those Riverdale punks

Look at ‘em, cavorting around like that. That ain’t right.

5. Eli Covering His Eyes Through Half of Where the Wild Things Are

“These aren’t the friendly monsters I thought they’d be! Nobody told me this thing was supposta give me the creepers! Let’s go see this Paranormal Activity movie instead.”

 
Welcome to the Friday Five, our unimaginatively-named Friday afternoon post where we provide you with five things the KSK staff is looking forward to this coming weekend….

#1 Marge Simpson in Playboy! I’m a little conflicted about this. Iwouldn’t think that she would ever go along with something as tawdry as this. But on the other hand, her jugs are as authentic as those of most the ladies in Playboy.

 
#2 Broncos-Patriots. The Belichick-McDaniels post-game encounter starts as a firm handshake, slowly becomes a tender embrace, then a passionate make-out session at midfield. SUPERAIDNOONEDENIESTHIS!!!

 
#3 On the other end of the love/war continuum, we can’t wait until the feuding Clinton Portis and Mike Sellers go toe-to-toe on the sidelines when the Redskins visit Charlotte Sunday. (Note to Portis: if you think Sellers wasn’t blocking for you before, what do think he’s going to do now that you hate each other?)

 
#4 Chad Ochocinco’s promised “Ricky Bobby” touchdown celebration in Baltimore. It becomes 50 percent less funny when Will Ferrell actually shows up to join in.

 
# 5 Spending quality time with the family on the couch, kicking back and watching the games.

Gross! Drew’s kissing a cat!

Welcome to the Friday Five, our unimaginitively-named Friday afternoon post where we provide you with five things the KSK staff is looking forward to this coming weekend. Today’s sponsor is the recently discovered Gangsta Cat, aka Sebastian, the cat with gold teeth.

This week, we’re looking forward to…

1. Big Daddy Drew returning to Minnesota and eating bin after bin of fried butter.

2.  Todd Haley yelling, losing:

3. Eli Manning’s flippin’ sweet new ad:

4. The return of BEEF MOE:

5. Mike Florio calling Randy Moss lazy after he catches 10 passes for 116 yards on an injured knee:

Drink irresponsibly. We’ll see you Sunday.