I was thinking about the internet today, you guys.

What an amazing collection of knowledge we have in front of us. Volumes and volumes of anything any person would ever want to learn in his or her lifetime. And what do we do? We search for our own names in search engines. We find our own locations on those GPS machines. And we stalk our friends on Facebook, especially the hot sexy people that are friends with our wives. Don’t act like you don’t do that either. The Great Masturbator In The Sky will know if you’re being truthful. Because he jacks it to your lies.

Anyway, let’s get to the mailbag. Caveman’s on vacation, which is kinda funny when you think about a caveman trying to get away from it all:
Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to this week’s installment of “Falco’s CFL Beat.” I’m your host, Falco. As you know, the sports world is a buzz over the celebration dance from Dave Stala. The Hamilton Tiger-Cats wide receiver punctuated his team’s 28-25 loss to Edmonton Eskimos with this dramatic touchdown followed by some soccer-style dribbling worthy of the great Pella.

This proves that the talent in the CFL is merely a half-step down from the NFL. More like a third of a step, really. I’d like to see Larry Fitz Gerald try to celebrate like that. This is exactly what I mean when I say, the CFL isn’t #2– it’s number 1A!

Unfortunately, I have to cut short my CFL wrap-up this week in order to shake a finger in the direction of Dead Spin. There’s no need for me to repeat the ribald hallucinations of a Gold Digging Harpy levied against my idol, Brett Farve. I’m sure you’ve read these lurid falsehoods on this site and others. If I could, I would erase every word, excuse me, EVERY LIE, from the face of Internet. How dare you, Dead Spin? How dare you, Mister A(rrogant) J(erk) Dalerio? How dare you besmirch the name of the greatest quarterback of all time?

Dead Spin takes the word of some roundheels chippie over the reputation of American’s Golden Boy. Did I wake up in the Taliban? I’m confident a stern denial from Brett is forthcoming. All anyone needs to hear is a simple denial from Brett. His word is his bond. But it’s a shame that he even has to acknowledge this filth. The only satisfaction I can take from this sorted affair is that Arrogant Jerk Dalerio is going to be out of a job once Will Leitch hears about this. SHAME!

Sorry hosers, Le Bron is taking over this week.

There’s not much going on in the CFL this week, so I thought I’d switch things up with a gamebook of ESPN’s “THE DECISION”–the big announcement from Le Bron James. While I normally wouldn’t post anything basketball related, there’s nothing going on in the NFL and the WBNA playoff races haven’t really started to heat up. Plus this process has been fraught with“Gilmore Girls” level drama. Will he stay home in Cleveland, or is he backing his suitcase? My hunch going into the evening is that he would be a perfect fit for my Utah Jazz. Here we go:

9:00 LaBron’s pink and white gingham shirt doesn’t offer any clues into where he’s headed. But it does remind me I need to go to Kohl’s before my cousin’s wedding next month.

9:01 I heard Chris Broussard used to be “Kid” from Kid and Play.

9:02 Jon Berry references “Trading Places”. I’ve heard good things about that movie.

9:05 Mike Wilbon lends some much needed gravitas to an otherwise festive atmosphere. He’s like a more dignified version of Morgan Freeman.

9:06 Stu Scott looks resplendent as usual. Love him or hate him, but the man’s got an eye for fashion.

9:11 “Photoshops” of LBJ in different jerseys. Just for fun, can’t they show him in a Deering Tornadoes jersey as a silent tribute to “Hang Time” (another classic that inexplicably is not on DVD.). Read the rest of this entry »

The off-season is officially over!!!

Welcome to the the first of what I expect to be many editions of “Falco’s CFL Beat”. As you probably know by now, the Canadian Football League season kicked off last night in grand fashion as Montreal edged Saskatchewan 54-51 in an overtime instant classic. Unfortunately KSK dropped the (slightly larger) ball in covering the festivities up north.

No doubt many of you came to the site last night expecting a “Klassic KSK” live blog for the much-ballyhooed Grey Cup rematch, only to be bitterly disappointed. For that, I extend my heartfelt apologies. Who can forget exactly where they were on that fateful day last November when a too-many-men-on-the-field penalty gave the Alouette’s Damon Duval a second chance at a game winning field goal, thus earning Montreal the Second Most Prized championship in all professional football. Last night the Roughriders gained a measure of revenge. Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes I wonder why I ever came back to KSK. The moral depravity here is more than I can tolerate sometimes. And the language! If I’ve emailed them once about it, I’ve emailed them a thousand times! Why can’t we just be a little bit nicer to everyone? Most of the folks in the NFL are hard working family people. They don’t deserve to have their good names dragged through the mud.

Enough is enough. I’m taking these rugrats into exile for some well-overdue sensitivity training. No need to thank me, I’m just doing what any of you would have done if you had to work in such filth. So for the next seven days, NOBODY will be writing on this site until I give them the thumbs-up for wholesomeness. It’s time that everyone at KSK became better citizens of the sports world. It’s just plain time.

See you next Wednesday on the new and improved KSK!

It nearly broke my heart to read the above Twitter Page Posting from Peter King this morning. King, who has amused and inspired football fans for years, obviously has a strong moral compass and is dismayed at what he perceives as Blatant Flouting of the Rules by Brian Cushing. In case you have been living on Lost Island, after the Defensive Rookie of the Year was suspended for violating the leagues Drug Policy, the Associated Press ordered a revote for the Coveted Award. Cushing won the revote too– much to the consternation of King and Legal/Football Mastermind Andy Florio, among others.

I understand why they are frustrated. They fear the league has come untethered from its ethical moorings. However, these strong, well-intentioned feelings are based upon a false belief that steroids are cheating because they make you a bigger, faster, stronger, more resilient athlete. This is hogwash. THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS STEROIDS!

Think about it. How can something you put into a needle make you play football better? We’re expected to believe that if you put some gloopy-glop in your heinie you magically turn into the next Joe DeLamielleure? It doesn’t make sense. This is “Real Life” not Science Fiction. Read the rest of this entry »

Why would the NFL want to dim this man’s spotlight?

The NFL will likely add an 18th game to the Sunday Night Football lineup and go head-to-head with the World Series of Baseball. The rumor, reported by football/legal whiz Bob Florio at ProFootballTalk.com, has the NFL scheduling a game on the night of October 31, the same time as Game Three of the World Series.

I know of no way to sugar-coat it, so I will just come out and say it: this is a cockamamie idea. Now, I know some of your first reactions might be to rush to the comments and call me a b-hole, but please hear me out first. I am confident you’ll see the wisdom in my thinking. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s nice to see Sanantonio taking up a good wholesome hobby. Santonio Holmes, a wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers, has been in a bit of hot water lately. First there was the incident at the night club (nothing good ever happens in those places as far as we can tell), then he went on Twitter and advised a follower to drink something deadly (can we say Jim Jones?). That’s why it was so refreshing to see one of Santonio’s more recent tweets “@cheryldbowman time to wake n bake” posted at just after 5 yesterday morning. And let me just say kudos to him for rising so early! [Twitter via My Lawyer]

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEO CONTAINS THE F-WORD, THE S-WORD, GD’s & MO-FO’s. Yes, they are beeped out, but you can still make out the cuss words. Under no circumstances should pregnant women or the faint of heart watch this video.

For some reason Maxim Magazine Dot Com thought it would be “funny” to get some of the NFL’s most notorious players to say a bunch of swears. Look, I’m no prude. In fact, just last week I watched a Bruce Willis movie. But this guttertalk is beyond the pale. Let’s name the offenders, so we can establish a “rogue’s gallery” and know who to boycott next season.

Percy Harvin – Probably so high on “the dope” that he isn’t even aware of the filth that’s spewing from his mouth. Obviously a season under the wing of Brett the Great was for naught.

Shawne Merriman – Very out of character. I thought you were better than this, Shawne. Read the rest of this entry »

Mike Holmgren just made the biggest mistake of his life. The Cleveland Browns will never emerge from the dregs of the NFL until they learn how to properly handle a franchise quarterback. In what has to be the team’s worst move since they unceremoniously dropped Tim Couch, GM Mike Holmgren shipped former first round pick Brady Quinn to Denver for a fullback, a sixth rounder, and possibly a “conditional” pick. Travishamockery! Now I don’t know what a conditional pick is, but I do know good conditioning when I see it, and Quinn practically defines the word. [Nosebleeds (a blog that really seems to get it.]