Stella models last year's costume.

As you probably know by now, every year at KSK we take a week to raise some money for a good cause, and I end up sweaty and nearly naked as a result. This year’s fundraising effort raised over $34,000 for the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, which helps out the families of wounded special ops servicemen and gives full scholarships to their children should they be killed in combat. It is a wonderful, wonderful charity, and your generous donations made me the #1 fundraiser out of 15,000 people who registered for Fight Gone Bad. The readers of KSK may like dick jokes and name-calling, but you’ve once again shown that you’re an exceptionally strong and caring community. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving a shit.

Of course, you didn’t donate SOLELY out of kindness. There were stakes involved. Stakes that I regret, and that you will too once you scroll down and witness me struggling through Fight Gone Bad in nut-hugging faux-denim boxer briefs. The video is below, followed by pictures. Be advised: the pictures, though technically safe for work, are probably not what your boss should catch you looking at, for any number of reasons.

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Here at Kissing Suzy Kolber, we’re dedicated to making the crudest, cruelest, and most profane jokes — usually about the NFL, but sometimes about other subjects in order to spread the hate around. We tell fistfuls of dick jokes. We call things “gay” even though we know we shouldn’t. We get accused of misogyny. We’re horrible people for doing what we do, and you’re not much better for reading it.

That’s why we do KSK Kares. For one week a year, we pick a good cause and try to raise some money for it. It’s a karmic Hail Mary — right now, the score at KSK is 51 weeks of evil to zero weeks of good since the last football season started, and we need a big score.

And so, like last year, I’m going to participate in Fight Gone Bad, which this year benefits Livestrong and the Wounded Warrior Project. (You’ve no doubt heard about Livestrong thanks to Lance Armstrong and Nike; the Wounded Warrior Project is dedicated to helping injured veterans adjust to life after war through advocacy, counseling, and various programs.)

However, KSK wouldn’t ask for you to give money without offering something in return. This year, I’m offering readers two different kinds of incentives:

1. Prizes to individuals who donate the most money, and
2. Fundraising benchmarks that increase the public humiliation I subject myself to. I’m talking embarrassment like I’ve never experienced before. And I’ve been filmed in a public park in my underwear.

Interested? Read on for an instructive FAQ.

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Hey, who’s a gigantic tool?

THIS GUY.

For those of you who are late getting to the charitable party, the astoundingly generous KSK community raised $8,346 dollars for my participation in Fight Gone Bad IV, which just so happened to be the second-highest total of the 5000 CrossFit athletes who participated, an effort that helped FGB raise over $1 million for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. You are all to be commended and rewarded, and the only way that I can reward you is by offering up my sweaty, imperfect being for your satanically cruel scrutiny.

After the jump is my Fight Gone Bad experience in words and pictures, as promised. Be warned: male shirtlessness and vomit ensue.

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“Hey, what’s goin’ on? … Me? Oh, not much. Just doing weighted squats with a kettlebell on the beach at sunset. Got some Uggs on ‘cuz it’s kinda cold.”

Well folks, although there’s still another week until Fight Gone Bad, but this post marks the end of our annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive. As I write this, we’ve raised $4,795 towards my goal of $5000, and so far your efforts have put me in 4th place in money raised to benefit the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. That’s out of thousands and thousands of athletes competing.

If you’d like to help make a final push and help me attain (and exceed) my goal, please donate here. It’d be pretty cool to finish #1 overall and help out some veterans and cancer patients in the process. Otherwise, feel free to enjoy these lovely ladies of CrossFit.

UPDATE on the puking situation: For those of you who are donating only to see pictures of me vomiting, good news: I booted after a 2000-meter row last night. It doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily do it at FGB, but it’s certainly a good sign for you.

(this logo brought to you by Ed Hardy)

We here at KSK are awful people. We sit on our asses watching a violent sport, ingesting fried food and alcohol, and then we devote the rest of our week to telling the meanest, crudest jokes we can think of. We challenge each other to swear in new and inventive ways. We draw on racist stereotypes for cheap laughs and make casual assertions of homosexuality.

We’re all headed straight to hell.

UNLESS! Unless we can use our evil powers for good! That’s right, it’s the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive! In 2007, when our little blog was barely a year old, we raised $1565 for Fisher House, which helps the families of wounded and amputee veterans. Last year, even with the economy at its absolute worst, you fine readers went above and beyond and chipped in $2495 for charity.

This year, I, Matt Ufford/Captain Caveman, will participate in Fight Gone Bad, a brutally punishing workout that raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project (raising awareness and providing aid to severely wounded veterans) and Athletes for a Cure (fighting prostate cancer). That’s right: TWO charities! That’s twice the charities to brag about donating to at your next cocktail party!

What exactly does Fight Gone Bad entail? I’m glad you asked. On Saturday, September 26th, I’m going to head over to CrossFit South Brooklyn and perform three five-minute rounds of a sadistic combination of exercises:

1. Wall-ball: 20-pound medicine ball, 10 ft target.
2. Sumo deadlift high-pull: 75 pounds
3. Box Jump: 20″ box
4. Push-press: 75 pounds
5. Row

You don’t have any idea what most of that is, do you? Here’s what it looked like last year:

Nice place, right? It’s like working out in a dungeon with windows.

ANYWAY, here’s where you come in. For every thousand dollars donated via my athlete page at FGB, I’ll pay back your kindness by posting one picture of me at FGB in increasing order of humiliation. One thousand dollars and it’ll be me shirtless, which is only mildly embarrassing. Two grand gets you a photo of me making a stupid face and sweating. $3000 and you get me curled up in the fetal position, unwilling and unable to move. Five grand is my goal, and if we hit that you get the money shot: me vomiting into a trash can.*

So please, donate now. I’ve started us off with $50, so we’re already 1% of the way there. The sooner we get to five G’s, the sooner we’ll stop reminding you to please help us support wounded veterans while also fighting cancer. You don’t want the cancer terrorists to win, do you? C’mon, let’s humiliate me for a good cause.

*assuming I vomit, which I almost certainly will