LETS! GO! BUCS! LETS! GO! BUCKS! (more…)

Melissa began dancing at age 2.  Over the years, as she excelled in school, her training in classical ballet found a more practical application as a member of cheer/dance groups.  She went to Vanderbilt, where she was a member of the school’s dance team and graduated in 2007 with a degree in neuroscience.

Now she splits time between cheering for the Titans and assisting in neuroscience research, with a focus on Alzheimer’s, bipolar disorder, and Parkinson’s.  For Melissa, decapitating rats is all in a day’s work.

Her favorite place to visit is Queensland, New Zealand, where she sky-dived for the first time.  Her favorite song is the Beatles’ “All You Need Is Love,” and her favorite TV show is “Entourage,” which is unfortunate.

And she totally doesn’t have a gag reflex.  SCORE!

I took this picture of Mariel at a charity event three years ago. She loved cheerleading. And I loved her. 

We met in college at a vending machine. She asked if she could borrow a dollar from me, and I jokingly replied that I needed collateral. She wrote her number in my algebra book, and told me to call her sometime. We went out that weekend. 

What I didn’t know was that Mariel was in the budding stages of a horrible meth addiction. At first I tried to ignore it, I really thought she was just a care-free girl. The night before graduation, she was strung out on meth, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so my best friend and I tag-teamed her under the goalpost in the football stadium. The south one, I think. It might be why she went out for the Redskins’ squad that fall. 

But then her addiction got worse. Pretty soon, everything in her life revolved around getting her Next Fix. All she wanted to was get high. I went over one night to see her, and to get my dick sucked, when I found her laying naked in the driveway, face-down, eating through her own wrist. She had just been kicked off the cheerleading team, she said. Blood dripped from her mouth. I called 911 from my cell phone, and then I drove off. 

And that was three years ago, and not a day goes by when I don’t wonder what actually happened to her. I feel like I should have done more, like I shouldn’t have abandoned her. I hope she managed to straighten her life out. Mariel, if you’re still out there, baby, I just want you to know, you still owe me a dollar you fucking bitch.

Rhonda recently graduated with a doctoral degree in physics from Emory University and, as a weekend diversion, decided to join the Cardinals’ cheerleading squad because it’s the closest franchise to her home in New Mexico, where she works at Los Alamos National Laboratory. There, she is helping to refine the Orion Laser, which is already powerful enough to mimic a nuclear explosion.

Once completed, she plans to seize control of the laser and use it to destroy all of Europe. “Bitches had it coming,” she’ll say.

Rhonda also frequently questions Jason Whitlock’s blackness.