Look, I know it’s been a rough road, especially with you going to England soon, but just give me another chance. I’ve been playing really well lately! I know I’ve burned you in the past, but…I…I just can’t believe you left me on waivers again. I guess I didn’t know what you were going through in 2005.

If you pick me up, I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ve already thrown more TDs than Peyton and Tom Brady combined, and only one of those guys is out for the year! I know your dad was busted by the IRS, but you can trust me on this. As soon as you put me in your starting lineup and hit “Submit Changes,” everything will be alright.