Some are claiming that this ultimate grab is more impressive than any football catch ever. It’s a hell of a snag, to be sure, but last I checked, a football is quite a bit more difficult of a shape to catch than a disc and, unless it’s being hurled by Philip Rivers, a football also won’t remain suspended in the air for 38 seconds for a receiver to run under it. So suck it, hippies playing ultimate in the quad. This ends KSK’s ultimate frisbee beat for most likely forever.

- Tim Tebow said that he’s changing the name of his two-year-old Rhodesian Ridgeback from “Bronco” to “Bronx”, because confusing the sh*t out of your pets is the Christian thing to do. If I see a headline about this to the effect of “A Bronx Tail”, well, it’ll probably only be the third or fourth trollingest thing related to Tebow today.

- HBO said it would like to have a team in place for this year’s installment of “Hard Knocks” by the end of the month. The Jets are reportedly still in the running. But what of the Texans and their righteous campaign for acknowledgment? PK must know!

- Scab officials! The NFL is looking for replacement referees in case the labor standoff between the league and the referees union isn’t resolved by the beginning of the season. Can’t imagine they could be much worse than the current crop of refs. Either way, let’s get Gene Hackman and Keanu Reeves working on the movie adaptation right away.

- An RGIII painting replete with biblical references, a member of Night’s Watch from “Game of Thrones” and what appears to be Dr. Manhattan. I will say I’m impressed with RGIII’s form when racing across the hood of a taxi. Should suit him well in the years to come.

- A contestant on “Teen Jeopardy” misidentified a photo of Eli Manning as Aaron Rodgers. Not numbell one smaltest contestant! Anyway, I know it’s hard to imagine that a kid who appears on “Teen Jeopardy” might not be incredibly well-versed in prominent sports figures, but it’s true.

First, Eli’s making a fool of himself on SNL. Now Elisha is appearing on a contentious cover shot for Time Magazine, promoting a story about the dangers of overmothering your child. [PK speak] Self-deprecation, Eli Manning has it. [/PK speak] Abby and Olivia can’t be thrilled about the use of a model, I bet.

As for the story, not sure what the big concern is. Eli got babied more than either of his brothers and yet it’s he who owns the family record in Super Bowl rings. Looks like taking your children antiquing will be the latest in helicopter mom fads.

Thanks to @TheBaronMorris for the top shot. Slightly more disturbing Manning-related offerings after the jump.

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Happened a little bit ago, but new to me: Eagles offensive lineman Danny Watkins bought his own fire engine, fulfilling the dreams of boys ages 4-7 the world over. Watkins then filmed himself joyriding the truck with the siren running. Even though Watkins has been a occasional firefighter since he was 16, I’m not sure how it’s legal to do that, though I suspect it probably isn’t. At the very least, the siren part. Anyway, if he’s got some free time, there are probably some passed out Phillies fans in D.C. who could use some assistance.

- Giants players pelted Eli Manning with bananas at the team practice facility on Monday to rag on Elisha for his antics on SNL. Sure, but when Spanish soccer fans do it, it’s suddenly wrong.

- THASSS RACIS of the day: Redskins safety DeJon Gomes said that he has been mistaken for RGIII around D.C. on five occasions since the draft. Why can’t people look beyond skin color and dreads and instead look to the content of our silly socks?

- Aaron Rodgers and Ryan Braun are teaming up to open their own restaurant. Expect championship belt and botched piss test themes to be prevalent.

- OH NOES, you guys. Cris Carter said a naughty word on an otherwise unwatchable ESPN show. Heavens! Imprecations on the airwaves! Knowing ESPN, they’ll hold this for the first C’MON MAN segment of the season in September.

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KSK’s favorite whipping blob, Peter King, is even more long-winded and meandering than usual this week, so it may be awhile before I can finish slogging through this 8,500-piece order of Petey McNuggets. In the meantime, let’s discuss the biggest NFL crossover into pop culture of the weekend besides Cleatus’ latest cameo on The Simpsons: Elisha hosting “Saturday Night Live”.

Yes. “All-time annals.” Eliminate redundancies and MMQB might actually come in under a page.

Anyway, our Uproxx colleagues at Warming Glow have a full breakdown, but I will add that it’s highly appropriate for Eli’s best sketch to be a play on something Peyton already did on the show. In lieu of further commentary, please enjoy a handful of unflattering, out-of-context screenshots of big hosting boy Eli.

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- A guy tried out to be the first male Broncos cheerleader. AH MAY-UN!? Whhhaaaaaaa? [Record scratch]

Of course, the Ravens have quite a few male cheerleaders, so the notion of an NFL cheermister (note: term not actually real) isn’t all that groundbreaking. Doesn’t mean I didn’t get some cheap laughs out of him in the video, which I included after the jump because it has an annoying autoplay function.

- Tim Tebow attended a thing called a game of “based ball” (nothing to do with The Based God, I’m told) on Sunday. He even tried to fit in by wearing a “based ball” appropriate hat with another famous athlete.

But when Tebow was shown on the stadium video board, he was greeted with a preponderance of boos and only a smattering of applause, according to expert cheerologists on the scene. Such mean people, these “based ball” fans. Anyway, people are making a deal out of this because it fits the “Jew York hates Tebow because they’re heathens” narrative, even though Yankees fans aren’t typically also Jets fans.

- Other Teebish happenings: a couple from Florida – of course – bid $100,000 at a charity luncheon to spend a day with Tim Tebow. As you can see, Rob Gronkowski can talk about taking Tebow’s virginity by force, but in real life, you need to shell out the big bucks plus bring a partner.

- Elisha will be hosting Saturday Night Live on May 5th. Already hearing Eli’s upset the musical guest won’t be Kidz Bop.

- The Chiefs are giving customized jerseys to season ticket holders this season, making Arrowhead even more of a hotbed than usual for jersey fouls.

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Cool jams.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who’s our little champ playing unsupervised in the sand? And that close to the water? I guess once Eli won his second Super Bowl MVP there was no holding him back. Olivia is starting to let go. It’s all part of growing up. From the looks of things, she’s giving him added leeway in the waves. If it’s low tide, Eli even gets to go out with the boogie board. Still has to stay within eyesight, but still.

Wags are noting that Elisha has a pretty average build for a guy who’s a professional athlete. To that I say, do you really want to live in a world where Eli Manning is physically imposing? Having to accept him as an elite QB is already too much of a mental disconnect for me to take.

[via Sportress of Blogitude]

When a team that KSK collectively loathes makes it to the Super Bowl, we can get a little carried away with rooting for their opponent. This might lead some to believe that we objectively approve of a slapdick team like the Giants. We do not. We hate everyone. Just some a little more than others. The Giants are goddamn annoying, but only slightly less annoying than the Patriots. Given a little more sustained success and the attending sense of entitlement, who knows? The gap isn’t as wide as it used to be.

We’re glad the Giants were able to beat the Pats in the Super Bowl in a fashion somewhat similar to the way they did four years ago. But if it weren’t you, it would have just been the Niners or the Packers. Expedience doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re mostly Yankees fans and denizens of Durrty Jerzz. Despite your constant protestations, you’re just as trashy as Jets fans, so stop putting on airs, you dicks.

Stop calling your team the New York Football Giants. The baseball team left more than 50 years ago. There’s no confusion. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Yeah, I know, all us other fan bases are super jealous that your team won the title and that they made the incredible run twice in five years. It’s true. So we’re gonna take extra satisfaction when your team hopefully follows up this title like they did the last time, by running roughshod through the NFC, getting the top seed, then sh*tting the bed against the rival Eagles in the playoffs. Make us another crying Giants fan.

By the way, thanks for getting swept by the Redskins. Now D.C. fans have something, even sarcastically, to crow about. That’s never good. Getting Devin Thomas a ring for ‘Skins trolling purposes only provides minor relief.

Dammit, Eli: now that we finally have to admit you’re good, the least you could do is embrace it and talk a little sh*t about your brother.

YOU’VE BEEN IN PEYTON’S SHADOW YOUR WHOLE LIFE. WE KNOW YOU’RE ENJOYING THIS. ACT LIKE IT. NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO WAVE YOUR DICK AT HIM, BUT MAKE A JOKE, YOU AWKWARDLY STOIC OLIVIA OEDIPUS.

NeckAIDS better run in the family.

The Giants decisively outplayed the Patriots in the first half. Bill Belichick displayed Andy Reid-ian clock management skills toward the end. His team doesn’t bother covering tight ends. The Pats defensive line was on rollerskates. Yet here we are with the Gritriots winning on the strength of a late gritdown from Danny Woodhead.

So now that the Patriots have survived that early onslaught, predictable game patterns dictate that New England has the edge to run away with it, even though Gronkowski has his requisite single catch for today. Still praying that the Giants pull this out for the usual reasons, but also because Simmons will never stop complaining about that Brady safety.

[gif via jose3030]

The Super Bowl, you guys. It came after all. You feared you’d never get to see commercials with chimps dressed as stewardesses headbutting random men in the dick to sell car insurance. Now you will! Plus Twitter gets to explode by the end of the first quarter. Maybe the whole Internet, too, because the game is being streamed online for the first time. The American dream is still alive. Take that, terrorist commie invading alien clown frauds.

We survived two weeks of Gronkowski ankle updates, Bill Simmons bitching in advance about the Giants faking injuries to slow the Greatriots offense, profiles of Belichick’s shadowy inner circle and examinations of whether another Super Bowl ring will push Brady or Eli into the list of greatest living presidents. Also, fans sublimated their big game anticipation into concentrated stupid thing energy.

And what Super Bowl run-up could be complete without BULLETIN BOARD MATERIAL OF ANCIENT MAYAN DOOM. It looked bleak for morons bleating about superstition until this morning when Chris Canty tweeted a prediction that the Giants would win 28-17. Finally, someone to blame when the karma gods invoke their new age wrath on the Giants.

Hope you didn’t bet the over on the prop bet for shots of Peyton Manning during the game, because from the looks of ESPN’s pregame coverage, Ol’ Battleship is taking in Super Bowl XLII.2 from his Gatorade Is It In You™ NeckAIDS Fallout Bunker deep beneath the city.

So let’s do this. The official KSK position is that this Super Bowl matchup is only worthwhile if the Patriots lose, but it can be a closely contested game, preferably with a huge momentum-swinging play that makes Simmons issue poorly veiled complaints for the next decade. And while this Brady Photoshop is admirable, I can’t support the underlying sentiment or bad comic book movies.

By the way, for this live blog, we’re introducing commenter achievements and badges. Rolling out two today: one for any signed-in reader who comments on a live blog and another for any who share via Facebook or Twitter. Peter King says many movie buffs won’t know the “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!” came from The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but then they aren’t real movie fans.

The New York Post got their grubby hands on a private email from Gisele to friends and family asking for them to pray for her husband Tom Brady.

My sweet friends and family,

This sunday will be a really important day in my husband’s life. He and his team worked so hard to get to this point and now they need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl . . .

So I kindly ask all of you to join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this sunday.

Thank you for your love and support. Love, G :)

It’s funny because she believes in stuff. Not to be outdone by Rupert Murdoch, we’ve unearthed a personal email sent from Olivia Manning to her closest friends.

Dearest loved ones,

As you know, my precious baby Eli will be playing in the Super Bowl this Sunday. And as you might expect, he’s very nervous. My poor little angel was up all night suffering from anxiety induced diarrhea. I only tell you this because we consider all of you to be part of our family, and I ask that you join me in praying for him extra hard before now and Sunday.

Thank you for your discretion with regards to this sensitive matter.

Love,
Big O

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