TODAY IN KSGAY HERSTORY: One year ago today Blog Martyr Par Sexcellence Christmas Ape gave away his only halfassed job for your dick joking sins, when The Washington Post (4th quarter revenue only down 77 percent!) fired him (okay, forced him to quit) for posting a picture of himself wearing a Hines Ward jersey which embarrassed the paper because they hate Asians. Hopefully others can follow in my path. CBS Sportsline columnist Gregg Doyel laments the decline of the newspaper because it will prevent other Philip Rivers caricaturists from being discovered. In semi-related news, in a few short weeks I will begin whoring my upcoming book, “The Football Manifesto”, which doesn’t make the mistake of sticking a lame-ass soccer ball and a basketball on the cover like Drew’s book, but does make the mistake of coming out when people don’t have jobs and can’t afford food and water, let alone hilarious profanity-laden books about sports that will change the way you live and love.

Oh yeah, and John Madden retired (should’ve been you, Kornheiser). BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH WITH MEMEME!?

Since we’re getting paid for our dick joke slingery, I thought I’d join the Maj and Ufford in coming out from the shelter of complete anonymity. So, yeah, it kind of sucks out here. Anyway, I’m this guy and I work for this dying medium. I excel at writing about racist shoes and lost dogs. Isn’t that special?

The above picture (at least the part not obscured by the fucking photog’s thumb) was taken of the day of Super Bowl XL. It was about 6 hours to kick off and I was in fine fettle. In others words, totally fucking hammered. At least the parrot wasn’t making obscene gestures at me.