- The new sensation sweeping Troll Nation: Bradying, which involves people adopting Tom Brady’s sullen pose of defeat from the Super Bowl. Busted Coverage already has some submissions from readers. I prefer @matt_T‘s approach (above) of just Photoshopping him into existing memes and funny situations, but that’s me.

- Of course, there can be no Bradying without its more pious and less fun cultural ancestor, Tebowing. A Colorado family made a gigantic Tebowing snowman, which, if there were a just God, would spring to life and crush them for worshiping false idols.

-A woman interviewed at the Giants victory parade said the Giants player she was most looking forward to seeing was “SANCHEZZZZZZ!” It’s funny because Mark Sanchez doesn’t play for the Giants and whatever team Mark Sanchez plays for isn’t gonna have a Super Bowl parade on account of having Mark Sanchez. Also, as an adult, she’s probably too old for Sanchez anyway.

- Steve Weatherford was also playing a drum during the parade, because as we all know from when he brought 100 Shake Weights to Jets training camp during “Hard Knocks” a few years back, Steve Weatherford is one zany punter bro. Perhaps the zaniest. Coming for you, Chris Kluwe!

- Ricky Williams has announced that he’s going to retire to free up time for Ewok Village.

This means Michael Vick and Santonio Holmes will have to fetch a scale to figure out how they’re going to parcel out future “NFL players using marijuana” punchlines. Sam Hurd gets a cut, of course.

- An online pawn company looking for cheap publicity delivered 900 pounds of Butterfingers to Boston’s Copley Square in honor of Wes Welker being all droppy and stuff. More dickish to taunt Welker or not just give them to Vince Wilfork?

- Even though Maria Menounos doesn’t have anything to do with sports, we always have to hear about how she’s a Boston fan. Apparently she made a lost a bet on the Super Bowl and had to wear a Giants bikini, which is whatever, but I enjoy how hard this guy is laughing at her in this photo, so it makes the Klearinghouse.

What’s up, Patriots fans? Nice win yesterday. Good to see that at least ONE team can accrue more than a ten-point lead over the Broncos over the course of the game’s first 55 minutes. As spiteful, bile-spewing fans of other NFL teams, it was wonderful to see Tim Tebow’s sad face.

But don’t think for a second that beating Tebow makes you an ounce less detested. You’re still racist self-centered scum, and we will continue to hate you with our black hearts forever and ever until Batman kills Goodell and the Earth swallows up a field defenders incapable of catching Hines Ward in the open field. (NOTE: will never happen)

Screw you, we’re gonna watch Tom Brady crap his pants as Elvis Dumervil flattens him 800 more times.

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The Patriots have lost two straight largely because their defense blows and the offense has no one capable of stretching the field. Last week, Eli Manning essentially replicated the game-winning Super Bowl XLII drive (MINUS THE LUCKIEST PLAY IN RECORDED SPORTING HISTORY ACCORDING TO BILL SIMMONS) and now the Patriots must travel to the Quasi-Newish Meadowlands to face their biggest rivals.

“FACK THIS TEAM! THEY AHHHH NAWT WORTHY OF THE PROUD NAME OF THE GREATRIOTS! THEY AHHHH REDUCED TO PLAINTRIOTS WHO PRAWBABLY EAT FRIED CHICKEN AND DRINK BE-AH IN THE HUDDLE! OCHOSTINKO DOUBLE FISTS FAHHTIES AWN THE SIDELINE. I SAWR HIM! CUT HIM NOW OR-AH TRADE BILLY B. TO THE CUBBIES”

It’s worth nothing that New England already soundly beat the Jets in their first encounter, but that was before Rex Ryan and Brian Schottenheimer arrived at the brilliant realization that perhaps the best course of winning for their team was entrusting as little responsibility to Mark Sanchez as possible. It’s called Tebow Tactics and it’s a proven godsend.

When Nacho is called upon to block, that is when he truly becomes The Matador. C’mon Sanchez. Even Dreamboat has the stones to pretend like he’s gonna block only to get tossed aside.

Other notable on-the-field comedy from Sunday after the jump.

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Well well well, if it isn’t Tom Brady in a gingham suit (or seersucker, you can fight about it in the comments) and a wide-brimmed hat at the Kentucky Derby this weekend. PLUS stubble and Wayfarers and uncut hair? Why, he’s equal parts southern gentleman and urban hipster. He’s practically inviting us to judge his appearance — but don’t YOU fall into that trap. He’s just being Tom Brady: Troll Genius. When Brady wasn’t making fashion statements you hated this weekend, he was busy doing the following:

• Asking attractive southern belles if they’d gained weight.
• Bad-mouthing Robert E. Lee.
• “This is almost as exciting as a Big Ten football game!”
• Going up to Animal Kingdom after the race and saying, “Nice shoes, asshole.”
• Placing a thousand-dollar bet on every horse, because parading a winning ticket around is more gratifying than the money.
• “Louisville Slugger museum? Dude, you know they make aluminum bats now, right?”
• Telling football fans that he “totally gets” where NFL owners are coming from.
• “This is nothing. Last year Gisele and I attended the Dubai World Cup as personal guests of Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.”
• Punching horses.
• Swerving on 31W to bait cops into pulling him over for DUI, then passing the Breathalyzer.
• Parking his car on the grass in front of the hotel. “What? I thought that’s what you do here.”
• Declining mint juleps by saying, “No thanks, I’m a scotch man.”
• Holding hands with a black woman.
• Holding hands with a man.
• “Seersucker? More like queersucker.”

By now you’ve probably seen the ESPN segment in which Tom Brady cries while recounting the story of being drafted in the sixth round in 2000 (video below, also at Deadspin). It’s anyone’s guess whether this is a genuinely emotional moment or part of super-troll master plan, but it’s certainly not an isolated case of tears. In a KSK EKSKLUSIVE, we’ve learned through sources that Tom Brady cries in countless scenarios:

• The latest Japanese earthquake
• Rory McIlroy’s back nine
• All of the attention being paid to Peyton Manning’s twins
• The Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercial
• Watching his favorite Borders closing up shop for the last time
• Haircuts
• Spiders
• Gay Penguins
• The end of FreeDarko
• Infomercials with fat people struggling to use antiquated exercise equipment
• Proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood
• Sunsets
• Excessive corkage fees
• Obese pets
• American flags
• Slow-motion replays of Wes Welker catches
• First signs of Gisele aging
• New York Times paywall
• The last ten minutes of Million Dollar Baby
• The first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan
  
• Those candy-caned-looking barber poles
  
• Three unopened text messages from Bridge
• Michigan football
• Steve Carell leaving “The Office”
• The dentist
• The English Patient
• Labor negotiations
• The lack of labor negotiations
• Whatever the hell is going on in Libya
• Seeing John Boehner cry
• ZooBorns.com
Super Bowl XLII

I’m sure we’ve forgotten a few. Yours in the comments.

Welcome to another edition of Tom Brady: Troll Genius. When last we left the Patriots starting quarterback, he was winning the first unanimous MVP award in NFL history after riding through Boston Common on his son’s scooter. Before that, of course, he signed an endorsement deal with UGGs. Before that: walked around New York in a Yankees cap. Before that: dumped an impossibly beautiful actress that he’d gotten pregnant for the richest supermodel in the world.  Oh, and Super Bowl XLII? Pretty sure he lost that just to piss off Pats fans.

So yeah, Dreamboat’s down in Brazil with Gisele Bundchen for Carnivale, wearing headbands and dancing poorly and drinking out of coconuts:

Denizens of the Internet, I implore you: DO NOT ENGAGE THIS TROLL. There he is, on a balcony above the parade of bedazzled curvaceous Brazilian bodies, drinking from a coconut in the rare moments he’s not bedding his leggy lingerie-model wife. Why is his hair kept in a fashion that you hate? BECAUSE YOU HATE IT. Hell, the whole reason he has long hair is because you like him better with short hair! I assure you, his tropical lanai of unfathomable wealth and sex appeal is deaf to your appeals for good taste.

Listen, people: I hate the Patriots and their racist fans, too, but game respect game: Tom Brady’s trollgaze is impeccable.

(photos via, thanks to U.U. for the tip)

To quote flubby’s reaction to this: “What the what the what?” I don’t know, people. I don’t know.

I’m beginning to think that Tom Brady is some kind of genius super-troll. Not content with three Super Bowl wins and dumping pregnant Bridget Moynihan for Gisele Bundchen, Brady is dedicated to raising metaphorical middle fingers to anyone who has an opinion about who he should be or how he should act. That’s the only way any of this makes sense. Posing with the goat. Wearing the Yankees hat. Growing his hair out. Endorsing UGGs. And yeah, riding his son’s RAZR in Boston Common.

Why not, man? TOM BRADY AIN’T CARE. Tom Brady’s not gay, but he’ll make out with a dude just to piss you off. Tom Brady drops the N-word in YouTube videos. Tom Brady called Drew Brees’s baby ugly. Tom Brady beat 5chan twice this season.

Are you a stodgy sports columnist who thinks Brady’s endorsements distract him from football? Tom Brady will pose naked in PETA ads and win the next Super Bowl to spite you.

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Clockwise from top left: bluesman, not a bluesman, bluesman, not a bluesman.

In a recent interview, Tom Brady addressed his maligned decision to endorse Ugg boots. The Patriots quarterback chafed at the notion that he should be compartmentalized as a mere jock. Brady cited his chillbro Justin Timberlake (who he watches Entourage with) as an example of someone who, like Brady, defies being pigeonholed. I know next to nothing about style or fashion (shocker, I know), so my suspicion that Brady is a glorified Al Bundy shilling lady shoes may be completely wrong. But if Brady’s judgment in selecting endorsement deals is as questionable as his taste in music, then maybe not. Sez Brady:

“But my point is that I’m branching out—because I’m not just a football player, you know, any more than Bruce Willis is just an actor. He’s a bluesman. He loves vodka. He’s a PERSON, okay. And people have interests, and some of us have brands, and those brands need cultivating the same as any other person’s brand does.”

At first I thought, when Brady used the word “bluesman” he meant that Bruce Willis cheers for the St. Louis NHL team or maybe he’s starring in a Blue Man Group biopic. But upon several readings and conferring with others, I can only conclude Brady is, in fact, referring to the American musical art form. At this point, Brady is either completely clueless or has raised trolling to a science.

Here’s your bluesman:

There are a couple of good prime time match-ups this week, but the day games are a mundane bunch. Here’s the early slate, rated on the Infallible Four Star Scale:

JAC @ TEN **
WAS @ NYG **
CHI @ DET **
BUF @ MIN *
NO @ CIN **
SF @ GB **
DEN @ KC **
CLE @ MIA **

The Patriots thoroughly waxed the Steelers last night by exploiting the flaw in Pittsburgh’s defense that leaves underneath and sideline shit open all day. This isn’t new; it’s something Dick LeBeau’s scheme has done for years and for some reason only New England has decided to consistently gameplan for it. Sure, the Saints did it a few weeks back so perhaps a top-flight quarterback has something to do with how easy those teams make it look.

Besides an otherwise dominating performance, Brady was playing up that “Yeah, so maybe I married a model and knocked out some kids and got a Bieber haircut and was complacent late last season, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still pretend I’m a badass now!” shtick he’s been doing at various points this year. Okay, Brady, we get it, you got a big win, but this “I’VE STILL GOT THE FIRE!” shit is just as much of an act as Favre playing up his ankle injury when he screws up. Dreamboat spiked the ball emphatically at the crowd after a TD run. Brady bitched out his teammates until he had to imposingly wipe the hair from his eyes after LITTLE FACKAH DANNY WOODHEAD failed to convert a 3rd and 3 in the second quarter. We get it, you’re not entirely checked out of the game yet. Now STFU.