I support making the Football Solstice a recognized holiday with its own set of debauched rituals. However, given that the day after the Super Bowl is still a regular workday, it’s probably pretty far down the docket. Just get the greeting card industry in on the ground floor. We’ll have this as a federal holiday within a year.

- Brady child number three on the way! Second with Gisele if you’re keeping score. This one is definitely getting weird name. But what? Bradinho? Gritty Ivy? Please let it be a for-real Troll Brady.

- Kellen Winslow traded to the C-Hox. Dallas F*ckin’ Clark signed with the Bucs. It’s a run on veteran pass-catching tight ends! And yet still no one wants Jeremy Shockey. :(

- The Cowboys’ and Redskins’ cap penalty appeal was struck down by an arbitrator. At long last, a hard-colluded victory for collusion!

Ooh, ooh, I wanna play Ginger darts!

- So it seems the Pro Bowl is not only not dead, but it might be hosted in New Orleans the week before the Super Bowl. Peter King says that if Goodell is on hand, it will be the most awkward Pro Bowl ever, except for all the other ones.

- Ufford’s SB Nation video operation got NFL rookies to interview each other at the NFLPA trading card photo shoot. But, if the players start interviewing each other, what will media whores do? Besides write 4,000 words about their vacations?

Now that Tom Brady has a fun new ‘do just in time for summer, all we have to do to now is find the perfect breezy pop song to blast with the top down on the way to the local tiki bar. O HAI, what have we here? A cover of Carly Rae Jepsen’s soon-to-be-if-not-already ubiquitous pop earwig “Call Me Maybe” with lyrics refashioned for Dreamboat and sung into a webcam with dramatic flair by a skinny ginger kid? That’ll do just nicely.

Fresh off an appearance at the Kentucky Derby where he was upstaged by teammate Wes Welker in the arena of pretentious menswear, Tom Brady paid a visit to the Met Gala in New York on Monday pulling out all the stops. So far, Twitter wags have likened the new faux-hawk to “David Beckham + Ed Grimley” and “Cameron Diaz in ‘There’s Something About Mary’“. That said, I’ve yet to see a Boston fan bemoaning the latest effete Brady look as proof that Dreamboat has lost it and Gisele has Yoko’d the Patriots.

Could it be that Brady’s troll powers are on the wane? Is that even possible? Frankly, I blame the choice in haircut. The faux-hawk is a bit of a mid-Aughts look, so people have gotten used to it, to a degree. Hell, even other NFL players have sported it from time to time. If Brady really really wants to bring his top troll game, I suggest going the Skrillex route.

So, perhaps not the best outing, but I feel confident that Brady will rebound.

Mike Shanahan drove his golf cart into the one that ‘Skins linebacker/odd choice for Geico pitchman Brian Orakpo was riding during a tournament today at Trump National, which is touted as being in D.C., but actually resides in the former Patton Oswalt stomping grounds of STERLING, VIRGINIA (BURKA BURKA BURRRRRRRRR). Unsilent has the right idea by suggesting that Orakpo show up at OTAs with a neck brace.

- Bernard Pollard doesn’t believe that football will exist in 20 or 30 years, possibly because he’s going to dive headfirst into its knees.

- The Titans have been targeting players with a wrestling background. Should be noted that unfortunately that’s real wrestling and not WRASSLIN’ [Cena sucks]

- Dreamboat, Wes Welker and Bill Belichick went to the Kentucky Derby over the weekend. Massholes are shocked and dismayed to discover that Brady was actually OUTQUEEAHED BY WELKAH! NAWT YOU TOO, LITTLE BUDDY! In other news, Belichick cut loose and let his MILF wear one of the big hats.

- There’s a report that the suspended but still interim Saints coach Joe Vitt instructed Anthony Hargrove to lie about the existence of the bounty program. Once again, this Saints season is going to be so fun.

- The Bills gave Fred Jackson a contract extension. Because when you can lock down a 31-year-old running back coming off a broken leg, you do it.

- The new sensation sweeping Troll Nation: Bradying, which involves people adopting Tom Brady’s sullen pose of defeat from the Super Bowl. Busted Coverage already has some submissions from readers. I prefer @matt_T‘s approach (above) of just Photoshopping him into existing memes and funny situations, but that’s me.

- Of course, there can be no Bradying without its more pious and less fun cultural ancestor, Tebowing. A Colorado family made a gigantic Tebowing snowman, which, if there were a just God, would spring to life and crush them for worshiping false idols.

-A woman interviewed at the Giants victory parade said the Giants player she was most looking forward to seeing was “SANCHEZZZZZZ!” It’s funny because Mark Sanchez doesn’t play for the Giants and whatever team Mark Sanchez plays for isn’t gonna have a Super Bowl parade on account of having Mark Sanchez. Also, as an adult, she’s probably too old for Sanchez anyway.

- Steve Weatherford was also playing a drum during the parade, because as we all know from when he brought 100 Shake Weights to Jets training camp during “Hard Knocks” a few years back, Steve Weatherford is one zany punter bro. Perhaps the zaniest. Coming for you, Chris Kluwe!

- Ricky Williams has announced that he’s going to retire to free up time for Ewok Village.

This means Michael Vick and Santonio Holmes will have to fetch a scale to figure out how they’re going to parcel out future “NFL players using marijuana” punchlines. Sam Hurd gets a cut, of course.

- An online pawn company looking for cheap publicity delivered 900 pounds of Butterfingers to Boston’s Copley Square in honor of Wes Welker being all droppy and stuff. More dickish to taunt Welker or not just give them to Vince Wilfork?

- Even though Maria Menounos doesn’t have anything to do with sports, we always have to hear about how she’s a Boston fan. Apparently she made a lost a bet on the Super Bowl and had to wear a Giants bikini, which is whatever, but I enjoy how hard this guy is laughing at her in this photo, so it makes the Klearinghouse.

What’s up, Patriots fans? Nice win yesterday. Good to see that at least ONE team can accrue more than a ten-point lead over the Broncos over the course of the game’s first 55 minutes. As spiteful, bile-spewing fans of other NFL teams, it was wonderful to see Tim Tebow’s sad face.

But don’t think for a second that beating Tebow makes you an ounce less detested. You’re still racist self-centered scum, and we will continue to hate you with our black hearts forever and ever until Batman kills Goodell and the Earth swallows up a field defenders incapable of catching Hines Ward in the open field. (NOTE: will never happen)

Screw you, we’re gonna watch Tom Brady crap his pants as Elvis Dumervil flattens him 800 more times.

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The Patriots have lost two straight largely because their defense blows and the offense has no one capable of stretching the field. Last week, Eli Manning essentially replicated the game-winning Super Bowl XLII drive (MINUS THE LUCKIEST PLAY IN RECORDED SPORTING HISTORY ACCORDING TO BILL SIMMONS) and now the Patriots must travel to the Quasi-Newish Meadowlands to face their biggest rivals.

“FACK THIS TEAM! THEY AHHHH NAWT WORTHY OF THE PROUD NAME OF THE GREATRIOTS! THEY AHHHH REDUCED TO PLAINTRIOTS WHO PRAWBABLY EAT FRIED CHICKEN AND DRINK BE-AH IN THE HUDDLE! OCHOSTINKO DOUBLE FISTS FAHHTIES AWN THE SIDELINE. I SAWR HIM! CUT HIM NOW OR-AH TRADE BILLY B. TO THE CUBBIES”

It’s worth nothing that New England already soundly beat the Jets in their first encounter, but that was before Rex Ryan and Brian Schottenheimer arrived at the brilliant realization that perhaps the best course of winning for their team was entrusting as little responsibility to Mark Sanchez as possible. It’s called Tebow Tactics and it’s a proven godsend.

When Nacho is called upon to block, that is when he truly becomes The Matador. C’mon Sanchez. Even Dreamboat has the stones to pretend like he’s gonna block only to get tossed aside.

Other notable on-the-field comedy from Sunday after the jump.

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Well well well, if it isn’t Tom Brady in a gingham suit (or seersucker, you can fight about it in the comments) and a wide-brimmed hat at the Kentucky Derby this weekend. PLUS stubble and Wayfarers and uncut hair? Why, he’s equal parts southern gentleman and urban hipster. He’s practically inviting us to judge his appearance — but don’t YOU fall into that trap. He’s just being Tom Brady: Troll Genius. When Brady wasn’t making fashion statements you hated this weekend, he was busy doing the following:

• Asking attractive southern belles if they’d gained weight.
• Bad-mouthing Robert E. Lee.
• “This is almost as exciting as a Big Ten football game!”
• Going up to Animal Kingdom after the race and saying, “Nice shoes, asshole.”
• Placing a thousand-dollar bet on every horse, because parading a winning ticket around is more gratifying than the money.
• “Louisville Slugger museum? Dude, you know they make aluminum bats now, right?”
• Telling football fans that he “totally gets” where NFL owners are coming from.
• “This is nothing. Last year Gisele and I attended the Dubai World Cup as personal guests of Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan.”
• Punching horses.
• Swerving on 31W to bait cops into pulling him over for DUI, then passing the Breathalyzer.
• Parking his car on the grass in front of the hotel. “What? I thought that’s what you do here.”
• Declining mint juleps by saying, “No thanks, I’m a scotch man.”
• Holding hands with a black woman.
• Holding hands with a man.
• “Seersucker? More like queersucker.”

By now you’ve probably seen the ESPN segment in which Tom Brady cries while recounting the story of being drafted in the sixth round in 2000 (video below, also at Deadspin). It’s anyone’s guess whether this is a genuinely emotional moment or part of super-troll master plan, but it’s certainly not an isolated case of tears. In a KSK EKSKLUSIVE, we’ve learned through sources that Tom Brady cries in countless scenarios:

• The latest Japanese earthquake
• Rory McIlroy’s back nine
• All of the attention being paid to Peyton Manning’s twins
• The Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercial
• Watching his favorite Borders closing up shop for the last time
• Haircuts
• Spiders
• Gay Penguins
• The end of FreeDarko
• Infomercials with fat people struggling to use antiquated exercise equipment
• Proposed cuts to Planned Parenthood
• Sunsets
• Excessive corkage fees
• Obese pets
• American flags
• Slow-motion replays of Wes Welker catches
• First signs of Gisele aging
• New York Times paywall
• The last ten minutes of Million Dollar Baby
• The first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan
  
• Those candy-caned-looking barber poles
  
• Three unopened text messages from Bridge
• Michigan football
• Steve Carell leaving “The Office”
• The dentist
• The English Patient
• Labor negotiations
• The lack of labor negotiations
• Whatever the hell is going on in Libya
• Seeing John Boehner cry
• ZooBorns.com
Super Bowl XLII

I’m sure we’ve forgotten a few. Yours in the comments.