Here’s this week’s Doug & Doug fantasy report. I suppose it’s pertinent here to mention that the Yahoo! Tank Desert Classic Championship will be played this weekend between me (BradyQuinn HandParty) and Maj (I Forgot My Mantra). There’s a lot on the line. Winner gets either a free shirt or a free trophy. I picked the shirt. I’m not confident I chose well. I just found a shirt to be more practical. Anyway, here’s how we match up:

QB Advantage: Maj
RB Advantage: Maj
WR Advantage: Drew
TE Advantage: Maj
K Advantage: Even
DEF Advantage: Drew
Height: Drew
Weight: Drew
Reach: Drew
Intelligence: Drew
Penile Length And Girth: Drew
Swarthiness: Maj
Sperm Count: Drew
Classic Roman Good Looks: Drew
Hair: Drew
Inherent Likability: Drew
Teeth Whiteness: Drew
Vaginal Depth: Drew (Maj edit)

Tough call. But we’ll settle it all on the field on Sunday. Actually, other people will settle it on the field for us. But you get the idea. Oh, and FUCK MAJ.

Tired of this Mitchell Report business? So am I. It’s pretty boring stu… Whoa, they nailed Clemens?! WOO HOO! I fucking hate that guy.

Anyway, here’s your Doug & Doug vid for the week. You may or may not notice, by the way, that D&D are Patriot fans. They occasionally mention it, but sometimes they do not. You mean you can represent the voice of the fan without being completely obnoxious about your home town team? Do editors at Page 2 know this?

When Doug & Doug took their first bye week, we took it as a sly conceit that co-opted and repurposed the NFL’s scheduling quirks. It almost made them of the NFL. It was like they were taking on the system from the inside. It really opened me up to the possibilities of life and art.

But then the second bye came last week and we decided they’re just a bunch of jumped-up slobs with bad haircuts. No one said this internet thing was going to be easy, Doug & Doug.

And, here’s your Doug and Doug post to wrap up the week. We’ll be off tomorrow, spending time with our families until we grow sick of them and become tempted to post again. Back on Friday with Who Ya Got? and the cheerleader post.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Are you gonna eat your fat? ‘Cause I’ll have it if you don’t want it.

Doug and Doug return following a fallow week, and what do they have to show for their mid-autumn vacation? Trading in the green headband for a beige one? Crafting a newfound irreverence for bounties? Easy you two, we’ve got $50, maybe $55, more that we can spend on hits. How hard can it be to bomb one garage?

Here’s your Doug and Doug update for this week. Someone sent us an email saying they had heard we had been paid by Doug and Doug to post these. This rumor upsets me greatly, because it is not true. And I’m still lacking in money. Oh, how I would love a little blog payola coming my way. I could buy a new shirt at Old Navy, or up the Brady bounty. Or I could buy one of those issues of Hustler Hardcore. You know, the one with the black plastic wrap, with the REALLY nasty shit in it? That would be cool. I hear they use majorette batons and stuff.

Anyway, here’s the video. Presented to you strictly on merit, unfortunately.

Here’s your Wednesday evening Doug & Doug fix, to give you a five-minute reprieve from baseball. Goshkins! They’re playing through some moderate rain. What intrepid warriors!

Here’s my fantasy report: I had Ronnie Brown on the better of my two fantasy teams and now the best back I have on that receiver heavy team is Kenny Watson, who though enormously kind to me last week is about to give me nathan going against the Steelers’ run D, then return to the job to Rudi Johnson in early November. I’m 5-2 going on 5-8.

Six short weeks and they’ve already achieved prima donna status, bitching about Comedy.com’s accommodations in his fancy dancey suit and tie. Back in late August, you didn’t have a pot to piss in or a green headband to wrap around it. And let me tell you: Blogger’s no Swiss picnic either, pally. The cafeteria only has Sun Chips instead of Doritos. Can you fucking believe that? Might as well be working for the Iraqi Army.

However, I’m all for their “fuck you, Todd ‘Shit’ Heap” policy, not only as someone who has the misfortunate of having that fucker on both my fantasy teams, but also someone who hates the Ravens as a matter of course. Fuck you, Purple Whitey!

And here’s your Doug & Doug report for Week 5. No more mustache for swarthy Doug. Aj Daulerio would NOT approve of such shenanigans. Both Doug and Doug have promised us more swearing from here on out. And that’s good. Because I think we can all agree that Reggie Bush can eat a fat dick.

We want a cut of that goodshirt.com revenue, you two. We expect it in unmarked tax-free barrabonds before the end of the week. Make it happen.

Here’s another week of fantasy of fantasy rules from our new friends Doug and Doug. They both have the same name! What are the odds?

I’d like to think that, if KSK ever made a video, it would kind of look like this. And I’m really glad someone else took the initiative to do that so that I wouldn’t have to. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s having to take initiative. So thank God for Doug and Doug. They do all the hard film work. And they drink. I believe I could hang out with them.