It’s like the EPICDOUCHE’s tattoo is coming to life before our very eyes! Of course this guy doesn’t even bother repping the Patriots. And why should he? Boston fans have too much pride to front-run for a team that didn’t even make the playoffs last season. [Image]
What better way to broadcast your love of the Bears and make yourself look like a flyleaf sheet in a yearbook than being a mosaic of player autographs. Now, the Intarwebs have taken note of this Glenn Timmerman fellow before, but a cursory examination of the photos shows that his is a work in progress. Note the addition of the Super Bowl XX logo at the base of his neck. With space seemingly at a premium, perhaps he needs to get innovative with future Bears. Cutler can be signified like this. The vag would also make sense for Jay, but if this latest advertisement is any indication, we know Jim McMahon is already occupying that real estate.
Some days, you open up your mailbox and treasure falls from the goddamn sky. Today is one such day. A reader who prefers to remain anonymous forwarded along to us what is arguably the douchiest email I’ve ever had the joy of reading. I don’t think I need to tell you that the author of this email went to Holy Cross. If you’re well off and you’ve got an insanely overstated sense of self-awesomeness, HOLY CRAWSS IS YAR FACKIN’ SCHOOL! Let’s dive in, shall we?
Image via The Smoking Section
It’s one thing to go around calling yourself a bunch of douchebags on a blog, but none of it can ever be official until said blog has an anthem to call its own. Today, we are officially douchebags of the highest regard, because today KSK has its very own song.
MC Seez Mics of the duo Educated Consumers happens to be a reader of the site, and he figured we needed an official song. All it took was one of our Sex Cannon t-shirts, and the most important deal in hip hop since Rawkus Records signed Black Star was done. What resulted is quite possibly the greatest thing to ever happen. It’s with great pleasure that I introduce to you Kiss the Kolber.
The timing of this release couldn’t be better, because Educated Consumers begin touring tonight at Washington DC’s own Rock and Roll (H Street: Slightly better than you remember!) as a part of the Appetite For Distraction Tour.
Huge thanks are due to Seez Mics, who laid down this track in less time than it takes Drew to write a Wade & Jerry post while sitting on the shitter at work.
Today was a good day.
kissthekolbermp3
(at a party)
Random Girl: Oh no! No one’s showing up to my party! Omigod, I planned this house party for weeks! I made guacamole, bought all kinds of booze, made sangria, and decorated the house in an island theme. I even strung up the chili pepper lights. And no one’s here! I feel so rejected. Where is everyone? I invited 200 people, for God’s sake. Someone’s gotta walk through that door.
(door flies open)
Matt: BRAH!
Nick: BRAH!
Matt: Brah, this party sucks, brah!
Nick: I knah, brah!
Random Girl: Omigod, thank GOD you guys showed up!
Matt: Brah, where’s the vodkah? I need some vodkah, brah!
Nick: And some cranberry juice to go with it, brah!
Random Girl: I have that! I have a handle of Skyy right here. I got it just for you two.
Matt: Nah, brah. Nah, brah. I need Ketel One, brah! (gets text message) Brah! I got a text message! Someone’s texting me, brah!
Nick: Who it is, brah?!
Matt: It’s Angelah, brah! She’s having a fiestah, brah! LET’S GO GET MOJITAHS, BRAH!
Nick: Brah, that’s a fucking plan, brah!
Matt: BRAH!
Nick: BRAH!
Random Girl: No, wait! You can’t leave! You just got here. Please. I’ll do anything to get you to stay.
Matt: Really, brah?
Nick: For shizzle, brah?
Random Girl: ANYTHING.
Matt: Brah, she’s good to gah, brah!
Nick: I nah, brah! She’s not wearing a brah, brah!
Matt: Brah, who gets to hook up with her first, brah?
Nick: Brah, brah. Gotta flip a coin, brah!
Matt: Brah, I don’t wanna be in her vaginah after you’ve been her vaginah, brah! That would make me gay, brah!
Nick: She needs a friend, brah!
Matt: Yeah, brah. You need to find a friend.
Random Girl: My friend Leona’s on her way over?
Matt: Is she hawt, brah? Because I only hook it with hot chicks, brah.
Random Girl: She’s pretty.
Matt: (outraged) Pretty? BRAAAHHH!!!
Nick: Nah nah, brah!
Random Girl: Wait, wait! I have another friend, Gina. She’s smoking hot.
Matt: Whatevah, brah. She battah show up, brah. (gets text message) Brah, I got another text message, brah!
Nick: BRAH!
Matt: Let’s wait for this Ginah while we figure out a plan, brah. This music sucks, brah!
Random Girl: What music do you like?
Matt: GAVIN DEGRAH, BRAH!
Nick: YEAH, WE WANT DEGRAH, BRAH!
Matt: Or Jason Mraz, brah. Mraz and I are brahs, brah.
Nick: But not as good a brah as me, right brah?
Matt: No way, brah! You’re my best brah, brah!
Random Girl: Okay, I’ll change the music.
Matt: And order some food, brah! And get an ice luge in here, brah! I want some Fiah watah, brah! And get some ATV’s in here, brah!
Random Girl: Okay, I’ll order it all now (orders it all). Hey, where are you guys going? I just threw down $5,000 for that stuff you wanted.
Matt: Gotta gah, brah!
Nick: Yeah, brah! We’re gonnah go to Vegas and hit a casinah, brah! C’mon brah, let’s hop in my Carerrah, brah!
Random Girl: I can’t believe this! You two are just a couple flaky, vacuous douchebags!
Matt: Konichiwah, brah!
Random Girl: This is the worst night of my life.
Nick: BRAH!
Matt: BRAH!
