Kissing Suzy Kolber » douchebag Eagles fans http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL. Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:26:08 +0000 http://wordpress.org/ en hourly 1 The Hater’s Guide to the Postseason: NFC 6th Seed — Philadelphia Eagles http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/the-haters-guide-to-the-postseason-nfc-6th-seed-philadelphia-eagles.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/the-haters-guide-to-the-postseason-nfc-6th-seed-philadelphia-eagles.html#comments Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:18:25 +0000 Christmas Ape http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=9294 If you find yourself confronted with an NFL postseason without a rooting interest and unmoved by Don Cheadle soliloquies, you must draw from the well of that most powerful of human emotions. Ok, well, lust probably won’t do here. But the second most powerful, hate, will serve as a fine proxy. This is the first in a series of posts filled with bile, spleen, vitriol and all-around nastiness toward all the teams involved with the sordid roundelay we know as the NFL Playoffs.

Donovan McNabb: CAW CAW

Brian Westbrook: A-heh-heh. That’s good stuff, Donovan.

McNabb: CAW CAW

Westbrook: Yeah, always great to win our last game. Especially over punk-ass Dallas.

Andy Reid: All right, gentlemen. We live to play another week.

McNabb: [Sotto voce to Westbrook] The fuck’s he talking about? I thought the season was over.

Westbrook: [Sotto voce to McNabb] I don’t know. Maybe he’s joking. Laugh like you got it.

McNabb: [Out loud] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s funny, coach. Next week? HAHAHAHAHA. You always could make me laugh. So when do you wanna hit the buffet? All this running out of the pocket the last few weeks, I think I actually dropped a couple pounds. Can’t have that.

Reid: We made the playoffs. We play next week.

McNabb: …

Westbrook: …

Reid: Y’know, a seeded tournament that determines who is the best team in the league through a series of head-to-head contests, wherein I blow it for us through a bevy of poor playcalling and inept clock management.

McNabb: You mean we have more games?

Reid: Yes. That is what I am saying.

McNabb: THE FUCK!?

Westbrook: Shit, my ankle. I think this one is season-ending.

Reid: Okay. Westbrook: questionable for Minnesota. You’ll go through limited pracitice on Friday and rush for 150 on Sunday. Donovan, need you at the facility bright and early on Tuesday.

McNabb: Why didn’t anyone tell me about this shit?

Reid: There’ve been playoffs before. You even took part in some of them.

McNabb: That doesn’t sound like something I would do.

Douchebag Iggles Fans: BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THESE GUYS! KOLB TO CURTIS! KOLB TO CURTIS! KOLB TO CURTIS! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS! KOLB TO CURTIS, THEN LATERAL TO CHUTLEY!

McNabb: This wouldn’t have happened in Chicago.

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/the-haters-guide-to-the-postseason-nfc-6th-seed-philadelphia-eagles.html/feed 44 Who Can Blow Through Their Allotment of Timeouts and Layer Cakes the Fastest? http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/who-can-blow-through-their-allotment-of-timeouts-and-crumb-cakes-the-fastest.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/who-can-blow-through-their-allotment-of-timeouts-and-crumb-cakes-the-fastest.html#comments Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:15:22 +0000 Christmas Ape http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=8663

]]> http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/12/who-can-blow-through-their-allotment-of-timeouts-and-crumb-cakes-the-fastest.html/feed 11 Gonna Douche Now http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/gonna-be-a-douche-now.html http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/08/gonna-be-a-douche-now.html#comments Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:21:11 +0000 Big Daddy Drew http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?p=3547

From Viceland via 289 comes this. I can’t even… I don’t… Jesus…

I think Vince Papale really needs to let this shit go.

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