Because only KSK is good enough to give you leftovers before the holiday…

- Spotted by reader Brendan at what I can only presume was Sunday night’s game. Though I must say that’s an alarming disregard of portion control. According to the FDA, an entire bag of dicks contains as many as 12 servings. A heart smart suggestion: Start with a handful of dicks. If you’re still hungry after that, fill up on ass roughage.

- Just as Tim Tebow shows that there’s no finer way to venerate Your Lord and Ball and Chain, Jesus Christ, than to pretend He’s your wife, there’s no better way to honor Tebow than with a hulking back tattoo, replete with XTREME SERIFS. Those things are pretty sharp. You could probably smite God’s option offense naysaying enemies with them. [via]

- Behold the triumphant girlish squeals of Fitzmagic. Probably gonna be a lot fewer of these now that Fred Jackson is likely done for the season. [via]

- Michael Strahan’s “FOX NFL Sunday “colleagues surprised him on Monday with a gap-toothed cake to celebrate his 40th birthday. FOX employees tried this once with Condi Rice, but Pat Robertson turned getting the gap piece into a racial thing.

If you find yourself confronted with an NFL postseason without a rooting interest and unmoved by Don Cheadle soliloquies, you must draw from the well of that most powerful of human emotions. Ok, well, lust probably won’t do here. But the second most powerful, hate, will serve as a fine proxy. This is the first in a series of posts filled with bile, spleen, vitriol and all-around nastiness toward all the teams involved with the sordid roundelay we know as the NFL Playoffs.

Donovan McNabb: CAW CAW

Brian Westbrook: A-heh-heh. That’s good stuff, Donovan.

McNabb: CAW CAW

Westbrook: Yeah, always great to win our last game. Especially over punk-ass Dallas.

Andy Reid: All right, gentlemen. We live to play another week.

McNabb: [Sotto voce to Westbrook] The fuck’s he talking about? I thought the season was over.

Westbrook: [Sotto voce to McNabb] I don’t know. Maybe he’s joking. Laugh like you got it.

McNabb: [Out loud] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s funny, coach. Next week? HAHAHAHAHA. You always could make me laugh. So when do you wanna hit the buffet? All this running out of the pocket the last few weeks, I think I actually dropped a couple pounds. Can’t have that.

Reid: We made the playoffs. We play next week.

McNabb: …

Westbrook: …

Reid: Y’know, a seeded tournament that determines who is the best team in the league through a series of head-to-head contests, wherein I blow it for us through a bevy of poor playcalling and inept clock management.

McNabb: You mean we have more games?

Reid: Yes. That is what I am saying.

McNabb: THE FUCK!?

Westbrook: Shit, my ankle. I think this one is season-ending.

Reid: Okay. Westbrook: questionable for Minnesota. You’ll go through limited pracitice on Friday and rush for 150 on Sunday. Donovan, need you at the facility bright and early on Tuesday.

McNabb: Why didn’t anyone tell me about this shit?

Reid: There’ve been playoffs before. You even took part in some of them.

McNabb: That doesn’t sound like something I would do.

Douchebag Iggles Fans: BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THESE GUYS! KOLB TO CURTIS! KOLB TO CURTIS! KOLB TO CURTIS! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WORLD FUCKING CHAMPIONS! KOLB TO CURTIS, THEN LATERAL TO CHUTLEY!

McNabb: This wouldn’t have happened in Chicago.

I think Vince Papale really needs to let this shit go.