A manufactured baseball rivalry between two football cities has somehow never reached the fevered pitch MLB hoped that it would, mostly because Peter Angelos and Ted Lerner are utter tards unfit to run a taco van. But the cities’ two football teams have had varying degrees of success this year and get to settle the Chesapeake Bay slugfest between pits on the Potomac and the Patapsco. Yes, two cities that have held claim to being the murder capital of the United States get to have it out. So, WHO YA GOT?


Contestants

Warrrrshington_______________________Bawlmer

Mayor for Life

Marion Barry______________________William Donald Schaefer

Olympics Darling From the Suburbs

Dominique Dawes________________________Michael Phelps

Drug Dealer of Legend

Rayful Edmond III_________________________“Little Melvin” Williams

Indigenous musical genre

Go-go_____________________Superviolent club music

Early-life stomping ground for pop culture icon

Dave Chappelle____________________Frank Zappa

Favored Fan Football Jersey of the Dead

Sean Taylor______________________Johnny Unitas (But he’s a Colt!)

Criminal Football Players of Note

Dexter Manley______________________Ray Lewis

Finishing Move

Always overstating their chances of winning on Sundees____Returning to Dundalk after the game