While sharks get all the love on the internet, dolphins are often an afterthought. No more, friends. For if we sleep on these marine mammals any longer they will surely rise up and rule us with an iron flipper (Treehouse of Horror XI was a warning). Scoff if you must, but it’s happening faster than you think. Hell, they’re already mastering the iPad. By next week they very well could have those things playing Flash videos.

Once these creatures figure out how to leave the water for land we’re all doomed. And you know what? They’re getting pretty close.

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DOLPHINS TURN BACK RAIDERS! 4 realz this time! Thousands of dolphins blocked the Somali pirates from attacking Chinese merchant ships, thus solving yet another of the “Who Would Win?” scenarios among the NFL mascots. FIX YO PIRACY!