The Broncos have the opportunity to put themselves three and a half games up on the only other team capable of giving them viable competition for the AFC West crown. But what’s so good about handing a potentially crippling defeat to a division foe without it being augmented by extreme personal rancor? WE WANT PATHOS! You ruined our favorite personal rivalry, McDaniels. THAT WAS YOUR WORST CRIME OF ALL! FATSIS THINKS YOU, SIR, ARE A BOORISH TYRANT!

After all, Jay Cutler was the perfect foil for Philip Rivers; the overwrought sub to Marmalard’s domineering (and abstinent) dom. Now, not only is Cutler removed from the equation, but in his place is the most even-tempered proxy ever. How can anyone, even Rivers, hate the Neckbeard? He’s just a sloppy looking affable drunk (unlike Cutler’s surly drunkeness) who game manages teams to minor success.

It’s just not the same to have Rivers’ nemesis sulking it up in another conference. It’s like making The Joker fight Aquaman. Sure, in the end, one of them still dies, but where’s the dramatic conflict?

“Whatever. I don’t care. Pink binkie is all the friends I need.”

Last year, Josh McDaniels was tasked with making Matt Cassel look like an adequate quarterback, and by employing the daring strategy of exploiting a stacked receiving corps, he was able to accomplish just that. Having done so, it was certainty that some foolish team would be willing to let him run their team into the ground. That team turned out to be the Broncos. As with so many of his other underqualified underlings, Bill Belichick was content to let him out into the world to destroy another franchise’s hopes at competency. But McDaniels has stubbornly flouted the established Belichick disciple model and found a measure of success (or at least taken the credit for the success Mike Nolan’s defense has gotten him). Is McDaniels crazy enough to try to beat his former master. Knowest he nothing of fealty? Anyway, WHO YA GOT?

Fine, fine. We’ve had a enjoyable few months using Josh McDaniels as a comedic punching bag around these parts. But the smug little bastard might actually have the slightest (ever-so-tenuous) grasp on what he’s doing. BUT I STILL WANT TO SMACK THE SMUG OFF HIS FACE AND MAKE THE SMUG SIT ON THE BENCH AND WATCH THE BRONCOS FAIL! Nevertheless, the lesson, as always, is that the Cowboys can out-implode anybody.

[Thanks to commenter Greg Olsen is Making Me Sexist for the tip]

A neckbeard-less Neckbeard made his first appearance in a Broncos uniform Saturday Friday and marked the occasion with three particularly ugly interceptions in one half of action against the 49ers. And Seahawks fans continue lustily salivating over their all-too-easily acquired no. 1 pick in next year’s draft.

/it’s funny because Jay Cutler was only marginally better in his debut with the Bears.

(more…)

Last week, we solicited reactions from “disgruntled” Broncos fans regarding the Cutler-McDaniels saga and the quarterback’s trade to the Bears. And now we will share them with you because we didn’t read half of them found them enthralling. Let the bellyaching and recriminations commence!

(more…)

Josh McDaniels: It may not have been under the best of circumstances, but all things considered, I know we’re gonna have a great season together. I wouldn’t've traded for you if I didn’t think you were up to the task. If things shake out right, I think we could have a real monumental season. Shock some people. Really shake things up.

Kyle Orton: Cool, man. Glad to be, y’know, helping out the cause and junk.

Josh McDaniels: Not that there won’t be difficulties…

Kyle Orton: [Urp] No doubt. Learning a new [Urp] system. Always tough.

Josh McDaniels: For one, we’ve had some problems on the defensive side of the ball.

Kyle Orton: Oh yeah. Totally.

Josh McDaniels: And the running game could use some work.

Kyle Orton: [Urp] I hear that.

Josh McDaniels: But really, your main concern right off the bat is…

Kyle Orton: Yeah?

Josh McDaniels: It is, well, it is…

[Door flies open]

(more…)

What Makes Jay Drink? ProFootballTalk points out that the following passage was hastily removed from a story by a Denver FOX affiliate on Jay Cutler’s disharmonious relationship with the Broncos: “The source said there are concerns about Cutler’s consumption of alcohol, and ‘that he’s not that sharp. That scared the crap out of McDaniels,’ the source said.” If true, it means Cutler could have been deceiving all of us with the diabeetus bidness. We’ll have to check with our sedulous army of spies in case one spots him eating a slice of chocolate raspberry truffle at The Cheesecake Factory.

With the continued deterioration of the Jay Cutler situation in Denver, I’m honestly surprised I haven’t seen more of an effort by the Broncos’ front office to make amends with Cutler.  I haven’t seen this lit up in klieg lights and broadcast across the Internet yet, so I just wanted to be the first to ask Pat Bowlen and Josh McDaniels…

(more…)

Josh McDaniels: All right, things are a bit strained with Cutler at the moment, but I think we can smooth things over if we just talk to the guy some, explain where we were coming from. These players forgive a lot easier than they let on.

Pat Bowlen: Remember, son, you gotta handle this guy with the kid gloves sometimes.

Josh McDaniels: Gotcha.

Pat Bowlen: Walk on eggshells…

Josh McDaniels: Okay.

Pat Bowlen: Weigh your words…

Josh McDaniels: All these phrases mean the same thing.

Pat Bowlen: Just make the call, smartass.

[Phone rings]

Jay Cutler: [Exhales] Yeah?

Josh McDaniels: Hey Jay. Been a crazy couple weeks, right? [Forced laugh] I know you’re none too happy with me, or the organizational the moment, so I wanted us to clear the air some.

Cutler: Fine. Whatever. I don’t care. Did you trade me yet?

Bus Cook: Hope you guys don’t mind if I get in on this call, too.

Josh McDaniels: Hey Bus. No, Jay. This organization has made it clear that we will not be trading you.

[Hits speaker phone button]

…unless Matt Cassel becomes available again!

[Gives thumbs up to Bowlen]

Pat Bowlen: That wasn’t the mute button, Josh.

Josh McDaniels: … Goddammit.

Bus Cook: Lemme just step in here a moment, fellas. I know you can’t see it over the phone, but my client just got a little bit more despondent about his current situation. I think we’re closing in on the point where we might want to consider parting ways.

Josh McDaniels: Okay, okay. I know we should have been more forthcoming about our intentions. The move for Cassel wasn’t an indictment of your abilities, Jay. It only speaks to the comfort level of a quarterback I’ve worked with in the past.

Jay Cutler: Whatever. Still tried to trade me.

Josh McDaniels: This is true, but isn’t it also true that you were putting out feelers for a trade before that point?

Jay Cutler: Nuh-uh!

Josh McDaniels: Yes you did. Other team executives have confirmed this.

Jay Cutler: They lie!

Josh McDaniels: Let’s be adults here, Jay.

Bus Cook: This isn’t doing any good for my client’s outlook, gentlemen.

Pat Bowlen: Hold up for a second, Josh. Look, Jay, this is a business, son, we’re looking for our interests as you do yours. You got an ax to grind with us? Well, hell, can’t do hell of a lot about that. But we gotta be mature here. We still got ourselves a job to do, y’hear?

Jay Cutler: Can’t you trade me? I don’t wanna be here. I don’t wanna!

Pat Bowlen: LISTEN YOU SNIVELING LITTLE COCKDRIP, YEAH, WE TRIED TO TRADE YOU! YEAH, YOU WANTED TO BE TRADED BEFORE THAT! WE BOTH DONE WRONG BY ONE ANOTHER! GROW A SACK AND ACCEPT THAT FACT THAT BUSINESS DECISIONS ARE NOT A PERSONAL AFFRONT TO YOU! YOU WANT A TRADE? TOUGH TITTY, BOY!

Bus Cook: Now you done it. I hope you’re happy. He’s gonna be in that emotional shell for months.

Pat Bowlen: Get Elway on the phone.

Jay Cutler: [Sniffs] He forced a trade once.

Pat Bowlen: YOU COULDN’T FORCE A TRADE HALF AS GOOD AS ELWAY!