Delaware: Now Dabbling In Cultural Relevancy. After an initial set-back Delaware Governor/American Hero Jack Markell signed the controversial sports gambling bill into law, meaning that you’ll be able to legally wager on NFL games starting this season. Three of the state’s “racinos” (Harrington, Dover, and Delaware Park) will be taking action, although what kind of action remains up in the air. Most likely they’ll offer NFL lottery bets (crappy parlays) but there is a chance that the state Supreme Court could recommend single-game wagering, that is if they have the requisite balls (I’m looking at you, Justice Carolyn Berger). What a time to be alive. [Biz Journal]

Tracy Jordan is betting his entire shirt on whichever team I pick.

Welcome to an exciting Super Bowl edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s most guaranteed gambling advice column insomuch as we guarantee that it provides gambling advice. Before we get to the big pick we have a special treat, an actual no-holds-barred (except the cross-face chicken wing) interview with Santonio Holmes of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Continue after the jump for all the fun.

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Secure yourself a good seat for the divisional round of the playoffs and get comfortable.

The Bill Simmons Rocky II Adam Carolla Award for excellence in bullshittery.

Last week a commenter informed me that my picks were the exact opposite of one Sports Guy, and that was just fine with me. Sure, Simmons is a truly brilliant analytical mind brimming with insights that none of us could ever hope to articulate, and I’m just a dipshit who accounts for quality of cheerleader tits when picking games. Needless to say, we both wound up 2-2 for the weekend, proving once again that anybody who pretends to know what the fuck they’re talking about is filled with more shit than the septic system serving Ben’s Chili Bowl and The Grill Next Door.

Seriously though, I’m shocked that Bill’s quest for an 11-0 postseason fell apart after the first weekend. Nobody could have seen that coming. YOU CANNOT DENY THIS!

On to the picks (and Sexy Friday) after the jump!
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Welcome to a special Wildcard edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s premier resource for shitty gambling advice and blond cheerleaders. Seriously, you can’t get this shit anywhere else.

I’m back at it after taking off for Week 17, because if I had wanted to bet on games in which David Carr and Jim Sorgi were prominently involved I would have done so back in August. As you undoubtedly know this week all four road teams are favored, and if you’ve been paying attention you know that I am a total fucking sucker for a road favorite. They’re all so good, how can they not cover a single score?!?! God damn I’m an idiot. With that in mind, on to the picks!

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Why yes, there are more ladies covered in roses after the jump!

Welcome to the Week 16 edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s single least reliable picks column. There are only two weeks left in the regular season, and that means that there are only two opportunities left to put your money down against the Raiders. Seriously, what the fuck are you waiting for? Have you seen those fuckers play? Yeah, neither have I. But I’m told they suck with the ferocity of a cock-starved single mother. Continue after the jump for the picks and pics.

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That’s right ladies, for just one dollar you can sponsor my gambling habit.

Well it’s week 14 and as of this morning my Bodog account is down $.20. So much like Pusha T after a particularly active night out in Virginia Beach, it’s time to re-up. But before we get to all of the fun gambling stuff, I’d like to present you with two very different music videos. The first, an original Sean Taylor tribute song presented by 93.9 WKYS, features an unreal lineup of singers and rappers highlighted by the likes of Raheem DeVaughn, Big G of Backyard Band (aka Slim Charles), the soon to be legendary Wale, and Miss Kim of Rare Essence. The track is produced by Jamil Face Johnson, and it is fucking amazing.

Now granted, that wasn’t all that “humorous” (setting aside the line that references the Michael Pittman spitting incident), so I’ll follow up with what might very well be the funniest music video ever created. I don’t know who these people are, but they make me extremely aroused.

That just happened.

On to the picks!

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Welcome, one and all, to a special mid-week edition of Always Be Covering. Today we’ll take a close examination of the Thanksgiving day (and night) offerings while thinking about eating some oyster stuffing from between that cheerleader’s tits. It’s a wonder that people even bother asking me what holiday I enjoy most. What do you think I’m going to say, Christmas? Fuck that. Continue after the jump for a special bet of the week.

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Sure, Kendra looks pretty good all covered up, but sometimes it’s just natural to completely expose oneself (NSFW).

Welcome to another edition of Always Be Covering, the internet’s worst gambling advice column. Hopefully you’ve gathered by now that KSK isn’t in the “information” business. See what separates us from other gambling advice columns is that other gambling advice columns are gambling advice columns. Sure, sometimes my picks will be absolutely perfect, but then there are occasions like last week where I managed to go a staggering 0 for 7, which is kind of perfect in it’s own imperfect way. Regardless, I feel bad that I may have steered some of you in the wrong direction last week, so I’ll make my amends after the jump.

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Welcome to a Super special edition of Always Be Covering. It’s that time. It’s the Super Bowl…

She looks tasty.

Fuck.

I really wish this day had never come.

There’s no doubt that it’s a day to be celebrated, but it also reminds us of what we’ll be missing.

No, I’m not talking about the Super Bowl. I’m obviously talking about the debut of Prescription Vending Machines in the state of California.

And you thought ATM muggings were a problem…
Holy crap, this is brilliant. Now I’m not saying that I partake in the whole marijuana thing, but as a Libertarian I am quite pleased. Sure these marijuana dispensers require a prepaid card linked to a doctor’s prescription along with a fingerprint identification, but migraines seem pretty common these days. But why are they so far away?

Anyways, let’s get on to the bet of the year…

The Big Game Teaser
Both lines teased 6 points. Odds: 10/11

I don’t really feel like going back into the archives to see how many teasers I’ve lost this year, but I trust one of you fuckwads will take up the task yourselves. Yeah, teasers are crappy bets and I still don’t fucking care.

Am I some sort of expert gambler?
No.

Have I won any money this season?
Probably not.

Do I sound like David Lookner?
Absolutely!

Alright, fuck it all. Here’s the bet…

New England -5.5 vs. New York
Total Score Over 48.5

Yep, it’s that easy. Enjoy the game everybody. Oh, and don’t bother with work on Monday. That’s for the womenfolk.

So help me God, the first person who comments to tell me I got the line wrong will have the corpse of their most recently deceased relative violated in a most unseemly manor.

Image via America’s Next Pot Model

Welcome to Week 10 of Always Be Covering. Because I refuse to forgive New England for taking a knee last week (also, the bye week thing) I’ve been forced to get a little bit creative. You know what that means…it’s time for the funnest shitty bet in the history of gambling!

The Humongous Tease!
Jessica Alba, the biggest fucking tease there is. Seriously , show us the goods. God forbid you should let me see the crack of your ass. If you don’t get naked then I’m never going to be able to not think about fucking you underwater (Deep Blue rules!). Selfish fucking bitch.

Here it is, 4 games teased by 6 points (the first commenter to say that I got the line wrong will be hooked up to the KSK Genital Electrocution Machine (GEM)…patent pending.
Risking 40 to win 120

Kansas City +3 vs. Denver

Jay Cutler is going to start, and some people are actually pretending that this matters. He’s a bum (but Stan’s dad thinks he might be good one day) and Kansas City’s pass rush will probably put his busted ass in the locker room. They don’t even need Larry Johnson. Denver’s rush defense will resurrect Priest Holmes, if only for an afternoon.

Buffalo +4 at Miami

The Bills are fucking gold. They’re the shitty Patriots of covering the spread. Their only two non-covers came on the road, but this is a teased game with Miami. The chances of the team plane taking a header into the Keys are just slightly lower than Miami beating anybody by more than a field goal.

New Orleans -6 vs. St. Louis

See, this is why I love teasers! New Orleans lost four in a row, and now they’ve won four in a row. If you follow the pattern it’s quite obvious that they’re going to win this week. On a completely unrelated note, I got a 650 on the SAT.

Indianapolis +2 at San Diego

Wow, this teaser is pure unadulterated gold. This advice might be more valuable than a healthy set of lungs on the black market (Marv Levy is looking to make a buy). San Diego is pretty good, but their coach is a fucking joke and their quarterback is that douche from Fashionable Male. If Indy loses two straight I’ll give up masturbation for a month.

Good luck, as if you need it!

Now who wants to make a side bet that Herm Edwards completely fucks me out of this teaser?

Bonus Commenter Debate!

Over/Under on the total number of segments involving the Patriots on the five (ESPN, CBS, FOX, NBC, NFL) Sunday preview/recap shows despite their bye week: 4

So who ya got?