There were three games this season that KSK live blogged that didn’t turn out to be complete disasters: the Saints-Packers opener, Bears-Eagles in early November and, finally and perhaps most spectacularly, the first meeting between the Giants and Cowboys that featured Tony Romo diving into his own end zone for a safety and ended with Jason Pierre-Paul blocking a potential game-tying Dallas field goal while Jerry Jones’ grandson looked on in delicious, delicious anguish. Should the second encounter, which will decide who “wins” the NFC East and hosts Atlanta next week, turn out anything like that, we can feel a tiny bit better about all those primetime games with Tyler Palko that we had to suffer through.

If you want to be technical about it, this screencap of an anguished Jerry Jones grandson was taken just before Bailey’s second and non-iced kicked was blocked, but I feel it encapsulates the tenor of the shitheel Double J luxury box throughout the duration of the Cowboys finding a way to blow yet another huge primetime game in hilarious fashion.

Ah, so very satisfying. THE CURSE OF THE LIVE BLOG IS OVER!!!!!!

“Hmm. Yes. A squandering of an advantageous position does make one parched, does it not? My options inasmuch as liquid refreshment are limited. I supposed I must partake of this commoner sugar water. Oh, how it offends the taste buds with its coarse aggression for immediate register. Let me sluice it down my gullet such a way that it destroys as little of my precious pallet as possible. Careful now, wakeful hand.”

The sole unfortunate side effect of the Eagles’ nosedive is that very middling Giants and Cowboys teams are left to stage a derp-off for the conference’s fourth seed. While this might seem sad in concept, it’s pretty hilarious in execution when marquee teams such as these are involved. For example, New York’s noble defeat to the Packers was further marred by Tom Coughlin issuing some of the stupider challenges we’ve seen from any coach this season, Lovie included. And, of course, there was Jason Garrett’s self-induced kick icing in the Dallas loss to the Buzzsaw.

Who knows what delights tonight will bring. Drew said this week, “You know ‘Boys/Giants will have a clusterf*ck ending. I can’t wait.” I’m inclined to agree.

Sad state of affairs when a game between a 3-3 team and a 2-4 dream team constitutes the best primetime matchup we’ve seen in three weeks, but such is life in the big pre-flex scheduling city. The Cowboys are coming off a big win in which DeMarco Murray set a single-game Cowboys rushing record, which doubtlessly suckered millions of fantasy owners into starting him for the inevitable 38-yard follow-up performance this week (Yay, I’m one of those suckers!).

Andy Reid is 12-0 in games following a bye week, which is understandable. A week of gorging himself silly is just enough to temporarily sate Reid, freeing him of the distracting hunger pains responsible for maddeningly inept clock management. So the Eagles will probably win, and thus the storyline once again becomes how anyone in the NFL can possibly derail this almost .500 Philly juggernaut.

Wooftastic derpfest, all around. Between Steelers-Colts and tonight’s game, this was a banner week for closely contested football of extremely poor quality in primetime. We are a nation in need of flex.

For our three hours of viewership, we were awarded with nine field goals, four turnovers and a touchdown pass in the flat to Tim Hightower that was still almost dropped. Oh, and an inexhaustible amount of Tony Romo fluffing. Yes, yes, the ESPN booth is packed to the gills with starf*ckers, so we shouldn’t be surprised. But the herculean lengths that Jaws went to to excuse Romo for every Cowboys mistake. He wouldn’t even try that hard to save his family from a burning building. Unless Romo accidentally started the fire and Jaws didn’t want Romo blamed for any fatalities. Possibly then.

Let’s use for an example, say, an underthrown ball in the end zone to Marty B. Marty is covered by a DB at least eight inches shorter than him. Rather than throw a jump ball, Romo tries to drill it in Bennett’s chest.

SPIN IT JAWS: “Martellus Bennett simply has to anticipate that his quarterback is suffering from a rib injury and is therefore unlikely to get the ball where it needs to be. Disappointing effort there by the tight end.”

AND THIS 30 SECONDS OF CRAZY STRAW QUAFFING FROM ROMO’S URETHRA WHEN THE COWBOYS TOOK THE LEAD! NOT ONE SOLITARY TOUCHDOWN SCORED! AND YET THIS! GAHHHHHHHH!

I will grant that not every mistake was on Romo. See? Fairness! Phil Costa is already being mishandled into an unmarked grave outside Cowboys Stadium. We will forever remember the best two-yard gain ever, however. Your legacy lives on, Costa.

Anyway, back to Romo and how odious he is. OH THE MATURITY! OUTWARDLY BLAMING HIS TEAMMATES ON NEAR PEYTON-ESQUE LEVELS! WAH WAH WAHHHHH!

If only you’d have had one more drive in you, Rexy. Or one fewer fumble. Either way, this will probably trigger a sequence of events that leads to John Beck starting miserably in a few weeks, because, as we know, nothing fun can stay.

Bless you, NFL.com writer Jeff Darlington. In his debut piece for the site, Darlington profiles The Cumslinger, who is either finally righting an erratic career or enjoying a brief stint of competence before fumbling his way out of the league. Either way, Darlington earns an eternal place in KSK’s cold, unfeeling black heart by forcing Sexy Rexy to read Drew’s brilliant first Sex Cannon post.

I asked Grossman if he’s ever seen the popular (albeit crude) blog post on KissingSuzyKolber.com known as “Unleash the Dragon.” [Editor note: actual post title contains more cuss words] It’s a satirical essay that’s composed as if Grossman wrote it.

“Making a bunch of big throws in college made me addicted to that kind of stuff,” Grossman said. “So I think I had the same mindset in Chicago. And you know what? I did make a bunch of big plays. But I also made a bunch of plays I shouldn’t have.”

That right, Rexy. You give the diplomatic answer. Before we know it, you’ll be running wild through Jerry Jones entire collection of sky pussy. “Susan Skaggs, unhinge your crotch. THE DRAGON’S BEEN UNLEASHED!”

ARE YOU READY LADIES?

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR TIME!

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR FAVORITE PLACE!

Yeah!

THIS IS OUR DAY AT SIX FLAGS!

Yeah!

WE ARE IN THEIR HOUSE!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO RIDE THE RIDES!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO EAT FUNNEL CAKE!

Yeah!

WE ARE GOING TO USE SUNBLOCK WITH AN SPF RATING OF 50 OR MORE!

Yeah!

AND THEN WE’RE GONNA FIND THAT GOOFY-LOOKING OLD GUY!

Yeah!

THAT CREEPY ASSHOLE IN THE TUXEDO THAT DOES ALL THAT DANCING!

Yeah!

AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO?

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA HIT’IM IN THE MOUTH!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA PUNCH ‘IM IN THE NOSE!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA DRAG HIM TO THE MEN’S ROOM BY THE ENTRANCE!

Yeah!

WE’RE GONNA TAKE HIM TO THE HANDICAPPED STALL!

Yeah!

AND WE’RE GONNA WATERBOARD THAT MOTHERFUCKER UNTIL HE GIVES US FREE FUNNEL CAKE!

Yeah!

LET’S DO THIS!

Yeah!

LET’S GET IT IN HERE! FUNNEL CAKE ON THREE! ONE-TWO-THREE–

Funnel Cake!

Maybe this will let you know why they had to take action.

Peter King is already asking his Twitter followers to come up with one relating to Dez covering outlandish bar tabs.

PART I.

Is Jason Witten the best tight end in the game right now? I ask him that, plus who he thinks belongs on that upper eschelon of elite NFL tight ends. I also ask him about the probability of a lockout in 2011, and whether or not he’d be willing to sit out an entire season. He has a site.

Dan Levy and I discuss his kid’s bleeding penis and some of the storylines for the Super Bowl, including the media day and the weather. He also mentions his young son, and eventually Ben Roethlisberger is worked into a “To Catch A Predator” analogy. Dan does a podcast, also.

PART II.

Ines Sainz was again the star of the NFL’s media day. This is her seventh Super Bowl, and I ask her what the big deal is. I also ask her if the Jets issue has finally been put to bed, and we find out when Ines started spending more time on her appearance.

Ashley Burns has been helping me at With Leather for many months now. I found out that he runs a pageant magazine, which I think is the closest legal thing in this great nation of ours to pimping.

Two parts. Total runtime 103 minutes. With Josh Zerkle, Phil Raintree and Aaron Merrill.

Jason Witten’s appearance arranged by Take It To The House, presented by P&G. Like them on Facebook. They have some cool Super Bowl stuff up, actually.

Download the MP3s here, or go to the host site, or subscribe on iTunes.